Re: THINGS POLITE PEOPLE DONT'T DO ON THANKSGIVING

faeriemoon · ‎03-14-2010

@Imaoldhippie wrote:
Polite people dont make lists naming things "polite" people dont do calling the rest unpolite.

Sometimes people need to be reminded, and some people never learned how to be polite in the first place. I wouldn't call posting a list of things not to do (on a message board) impolite. It would however, be impolite to email the list to your guests before your party.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

This thread is not calling out others as impolite.

I believe it was thoughtful and a kindness of the OP to post it.

Not everyone had the benefit of parents who taught them manners. This thread may save another from embarrassment or not being included in future, being hurt, and at a loss as to why.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@noodleann wrote:
@San Antonio Gal wrote:
@croemer wrote:
@sandy53 wrote:
Please do not bring a dish you were not asked to bring. Last year I was asked to bring pumpkin pie. So I was happy to make one. Another person bought one at a store and brought it. Another year I was asked to bring sweet potatoes. I was happy to do it. But then another family brought sweet potatoes. It's awkward.
I can see that...but I look at it...the more the merrier.

@croemer - I just can't see why having an extra pumpkin pie or an extra dish of sweet potatoes would be "awkward" ?

As @sandy53 stated, the more the merrier.
I was taken aside one Thanksgiving by one of the daughters of my cousin and asked to tell my mother not to bring her pies to these holiday gatherings. The daughters were upset because my cousin would put my mother's pies out first, before her daughters', and their noses were out of joint because they weren't getting compliments from the guests. I nodded and didn't say anything, but I'd no more tell my mother not to bring pies than I'd tell her to wear flip-flops to a funeral. She'd have been devastated.

There are a lot of nuances to the meal. If I'm fixing everything and planning a balanced meal, and if I am telling people not to bring anything, DON'T BRING ANYTHING. I have made sure I have enough, have the space to heat and serve it all and don't need extra stuff to try to find places for and mess with.

If it's a potluck, then great, or if I say before sure, bring something. Just don't hit my already stressed self to shuffle the entire kitchen and table (already crowded to the max) with more stuff.

If you really want to being something, let me know you will be bringing it. And that even if I say not to, let me know that you really want to and another dish (pease specify WHAT) will arrive so I can plan for that. Say "Would you mind if. . . " and of course I'll say yes. Just don't show up with MORE.

About mom and the pies. Mom needs to cut back on what she brings. It's time to pass the torch, let the younger cooks have the fun and the compliments too. Maybe they have some new ideas and traditions to contribute. Then there are exceptions: see following post

pood1 · ‎03-10-2010

Damg! Many of you are lucky not to be invited to my house! LOL

First of all, I love dogs but don't bring them unless I SAY it's ok, It's your choice to stay home if you choose to.

I can understand being late due to an emergency, but anyone that is always late does it by choice. If you are a known chronic late person, our dinner with carry on, with or without you.

If you have special dietary needs I'm more than happy to have a couple dishes for you but if you expect a whole different meal, bring it yourself.

How about having a little respect for your host/hostess?

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

TRUE Thanksgiving Story--rather long:

We had a large number of relatives coming to our small house and smaller kitchen--many people ONE oven kitchen. Thanksgiving. Turkey cooking, gravy being made--you get the picture. LOTS of dirty dishes. Pots pans etc.

As I was doing the final preparation, had all the food and ingredients in the oven, on the little stove, all over the counters and the teeny tiny center island a group arrives. With a dog. We don't have a fenced yard, nobody ASKED if they could bring a dog, or did we have room for a dog.

I step out of the kitchen to welcome people and when I walked back in, my teeny tiny center island had been CLEARED OFF, and there was a guest (the dog's mother) with a bag of flour and other ingredients MAKING A PIE! She basically shoved everything of mine to the laundry room and MADE AND BAKED a *&()*&^*** P I E in the middle of MY kitchen with me trying to get a dozen people cooked for and fed.

I nearly killed my husband that day because he let her do that. He learned a valuable lesson about whose house and home it is--ours! Seriously, can you believe someone would do that?

Anyway, if I am rather serious about entertaining tuests, you can see why. I thought I was going to go nuts trying to feed those people with someone having taken over my kitchen like that. To M A K E and B A K E a pie!

lovescats · ‎03-10-2010

this wasn't on thanksgiving but I used to be invited to a jr varsity sports dinner with my relatives and it had potluck desserts and somebody brought the worst the lemon meringue pie ever. And every year I would forget that it was nothing like my mother's pie and chose it. it was like someone used knox jello and added nothing but yellow food coloring

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@Sooner wrote:
TRUE Thanksgiving Story--rather long:

We had a large number of relatives coming to our small house and smaller kitchen--many people ONE oven kitchen. Thanksgiving. Turkey cooking, gravy being made--you get the picture. LOTS of dirty dishes. Pots pans etc.

As I was doing the final preparation, had all the food and ingredients in the oven, on the little stove, all over the counters and the teeny tiny center island a group arrives. With a dog. We don't have a fenced yard, nobody ASKED if they could bring a dog, or did we have room for a dog.

I step out of the kitchen to welcome people and when I walked back in, my teeny tiny center island had been CLEARED OFF, and there was a guest (the dog's mother) with a bag of flour and other ingredients MAKING A PIE! She basically shoved everything of mine to the laundry room and MADE AND BAKED a *&()*&^*** P I E in the middle of MY kitchen with me trying to get a dozen people cooked for and fed.

I nearly killed my husband that day because he let her do that. He learned a valuable lesson about whose house and home it is--ours! Seriously, can you believe someone would do that?

Anyway, if I am rather serious about entertaining tuests, you can see why. I thought I was going to go nuts trying to feed those people with someone having taken over my kitchen like that. To M A K E and B A K E a pie!

@Sooner. if I didn't "know" you, I would never believe such a story. It really does take the cake -- or pie, in this instance.

My husband makes a perfect apple pie, but it takes a bit of time and work. I can't imagine starting such a product right before dinner.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

@faeriemoon wrote:
@SahmIam wrote:
Regarding the smell of turkey cooking being a turn off to a guest.....

Every time I've been pregnant, that happened to me. Same thing with a chicken roasting. I would have to find a bathroom ASAP because I would vomit. Couldn't go to any grocery store that offered rotisserie chicken because I would become ill. Couldn't go anyone's house when they were roasting a chicken or turkey because I would become ill. Hormones, obviously but I wonder if those who hate the smell have some kind of hormone issue.

I totally get that some smells make people feel queasy for whatever reason. But the house smells of roasting turkey far beyond when it is taken out of the oven. It seems the guest described in this thread uses the turkey smell thing as an excuse to arrive late.

@faeriemoon You're absolutely right about it smelling even after it's done. In my case, I family would open all the windows to air it out before I came over (which would be 1/2 hour after the bird came out of the oven). SO grateful family members understood (and good friends who hosted one year). If I had been a first time guest at someone's home, I would have passed knowing my "turkey" issue; no way would I ask that of someone I'd never met before. Future grandparents? They were happy to oblige, lol.

BeccaLou · ‎02-09-2016

@occasionalrain Why do people even bother to try holidays with others anymore. Quite at home is usually better.And then some people can't handle that. Booze is what recks holidays the most. Don't drink nor do I allow myself to be around it. It was horrible when I was a kid, so I call the shots with my life now. Happy Holidays to You , be safe. !!

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@Sooner wrote:
TRUE Thanksgiving Story--rather long:

We had a large number of relatives coming to our small house and smaller kitchen--many people ONE oven kitchen. Thanksgiving. Turkey cooking, gravy being made--you get the picture. LOTS of dirty dishes. Pots pans etc.

As I was doing the final preparation, had all the food and ingredients in the oven, on the little stove, all over the counters and the teeny tiny center island a group arrives. With a dog. We don't have a fenced yard, nobody ASKED if they could bring a dog, or did we have room for a dog.

I step out of the kitchen to welcome people and when I walked back in, my teeny tiny center island had been CLEARED OFF, and there was a guest (the dog's mother) with a bag of flour and other ingredients MAKING A PIE! She basically shoved everything of mine to the laundry room and MADE AND BAKED a *&()*&^*** P I E in the middle of MY kitchen with me trying to get a dozen people cooked for and fed.

I nearly killed my husband that day because he let her do that. He learned a valuable lesson about whose house and home it is--ours! Seriously, can you believe someone would do that?

Anyway, if I am rather serious about entertaining tuests, you can see why. I thought I was going to go nuts trying to feed those people with someone having taken over my kitchen like that. To M A K E and B A K E a pie!

Wow that really is over the top. I thought I'd seen it all, but this is beyond rude.