TAKING LICENSE AWAY FROM ELDERLY PARENT - Page 6

VenturaHighway · ‎12-10-2016

My Mother didn't even remember hitting a car in the parking lot at the grocery store. I was glad that she didn't hit a person.

I called the store and they said the police were called and it was considered a "hit and run". I took care of everything including taking her car away.

september · ‎03-09-2010

@occasionalrain If you want a personal incident, I can give you one. My husband crashed into a highway patrolman on a motorcycle, who was blocking traffic due to a parade going on near our home. The officer had his hand up, in the recognized manner meaning "stop".

In a moment of confusion, my husband did stop at first, but then decided it would be okay to drive forward. No serious injuries, but that was when his license got revoked...forever. I'm relieved no one got hurt!

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Shanus wrote:
@Nuttmeg Unfortunately, he's not a # 1 Ace type doc. I tried to talk to him about her continuing to eat desserts, etc. while taking meds for type 2 diabetes & he gave me some stupid response. He also hands antibiotics like candy. I disapprove of that...especially over the phone refilling rxs.

Well...not to go too far off topic, but what would you have him do in that situation? He can tell her she shouldn't keep eating sweets because she has diabetes, but he can't prevent her from buying donuts at the store. And whatever he tells her, she'll only hear it if she wants to hear it - and may interpret what he says (or you say) to suit herself.

My sister passed away of complications of diabetes. Telling her there was anything she shouldn't eat was pointless - she would then eat a double helping of whatever it was to spite people. You know how doctors say diabetics should eat 5 small "meals" a day? She translated that to mean she could have KFC five times a day. "My doctor said I should!"

It's not the doctor's responsibility to "manage" every aspect of their patients' lives - too frustrating for them.

I second the advice from snowpuppy - report her to the DMV. I'm sure children do it with elderly parents all the time, and they are never told where the info came from. But if you keep bringing up her driving, she'll know it was you - stop mentioning it and she'll probably forget you said anything.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

shoekitty · ‎03-10-2010

licenseMy mom had her's taken away over a year ago at 95. She had dementia and was getting worse. Nothing we could do could persuade her to give it up on her own. I was about to turn her in at dmv when she got a letter from DMV demanding a medical check up, or her license would be revoked in 3 weeks. I think it had to do from running over curb a month before. Both right tires were popped, and car had to be towed. A police man helped her. I think he saw she had poor, poor reasoning skills and turned her in.

before we go any further, let me add besides dementia, she has a narcissic personality disorder. She does not think the laws apply to her. She thinks the curb was in the wrong place, and it is everyone else's fault. I think she shared is with officer.

This is what I went through with California law. After she received letter, she had medical work up, and a memory test, eye test. Doctor said her sight was bad, and she was not as mentally sharp to drive. Dr who has known my mom for 20 years, talked to her. Very sweet, and was very tactful and respectful. But mom didn't get it. She almost became violent, she yelled so entire building heard, and even tried to bribe doctor as she became more desperate. Dr said, get eyes checked and do not drive

well, Dmv report came back saying my moms driving was revoked due to medical reasons. My mom had me talk to dmv for her. Lol I did, but more to reaffirm their decision to revoke her license. I took her to a neurologist to actually diagnose her, but we said it was to test her for her . He said no driving, and diagnosed her with Alzheimer's, which she said was wrong because he doesn't really know her, good Lord.

So, now we have a revoked license, with expired registration tags, because we don't know what she did with papers, and the she never had smog....although she swears she did. Her false memory is so bad, and at that time she was about sage 4 Alzheimers.

For 2 weeks the car was locked outside her home. But her memory was so bad, she forgot she wasn't suppose to tell me she was driving, lol. My husband and I went out there ( she lives far). And he barred the car. Took keys. Didn't dawn on her what we did until next day when she went to drive to coffee shop.

i have never seen her so mad, honest to God we ought she was going to have a darn heart attack then and there.

luckily her memory was so bad she forgot my husband locked car and we told her cops did it. It took her months to settle down from loosing her driving privileges. She has a companion now that drives her, but she still insists on driving. In fact the other day she said she needed the car back for emergencies...you know, she said, in case I have a medical emergency so I can drive to hospital. 🤔😧😯

shoekitty · ‎03-10-2010

My mom had herstaken away over a year ago at 95. She had dementia and was getting worse. Nothing we could do could persuade her to give it up on her own. I was about to turn her in at dmv when she got a letter from DMV demanding a medical check up, or her license would be revoked in 3 weeks. I think it had to do from running over curb a month before. Both right tires were popped, and car had to be towed. A police man helped her. I think he saw she had poor, poor reasoning skills and turned her in.

before we go any further, let me add besides dementia, she has a narcissic personality disorder. She does not think the laws apply to her. She thinks the curb was in the wrong place, and it is everyone else's fault. I think she shared thi explanation with officer at scene

This is what I went through with California law. You have to surrender on your own, or you can be turned in to dmv. After she received letter, she had medical work up, and a memory test, eye test. Doctor said her sight was bad, and she was not as mentally sharp to drive. Dr who has known my mom for 20 years, talked to her. Very sweet, and was very tactful and respectful. But mom didn't get it. She almost became violent, she yelled so entire building heard, and even tried to bribe doctor as she became more desperate. Dr said, get eyes checked and do not drive

well, Dmv report came back saying my moms driving was revoked due to medical reasons. My mom had me talk to dmv for her. Lol I did, but more to reaffirm their decision to revoke her license. I took her to a neurologist to actually diagnose her, but we said it was to test her for her . He said no driving, and diagnosed her with Alzheimer's, which she said was wrong because he doesn't really know her, good Lord.

So, now we have a revoked license, with expired registration tags, because we don't know what she did with papers, and the she never had smog....although she swears she did. Her false memory is so bad, and at that time she was about sage 4 Alzheimers.

For 2 weeks the car was locked outside her home. But her memory was so bad, she forgot she wasn't suppose to tell me she was driving, lol. She kept saying when we said she had no valid license or insurance or tags..."oh that is nonsense. I can drive, it is only 4 blocks. Nothing will happen in 4 blocks." Then we said, what if you hit someone, to which she says, "that is not going to happen, I am a good driver, I havent had an accident". We coulsd not reason with her. My husband and I went out there ( she lives far). And he barred the car. Took keys. Didn't dawn on her what we did until next day when she went to drive to coffee shop.

i have never seen her so mad, honest to God we ought she was going to have a darn heart attack then and there.

luckily her memory was so bad she forgot my husband locked car and we told her cops did it. It took her months to settle down from loosing her driving privileges. She has a companion now that drives her, but she still insists on driving. In fact the other day she said she needed the car back for emergencies...you know, she said, in case I have a medical emergency so I can drive to hospital. 🤔😧😯

makeup addict · ‎03-29-2010

Gotta love google. One suggestion she can keep the keys, if you can put a club anti theft device on the steering wheel! Lol extreme, but it would work!

Desertdi · ‎03-13-2010

I remember my co-workers being SHOCKED that I was still "allowed" to drive when I turned 60................(!!!!!)

♥Surface of the Sun♥

shoekitty · ‎03-10-2010

The DMV here in California has a special dept to deal with people seeking to get their license back, or struggling with loosing it

For the elderly they do the following if they are insistant on keeping license and want to fight it. First they have an interview. In person, or over the phone. I guess they have questions they ask. They go through driving scenarios and ask them to explain what they would do in each situation. If they pass that, which he said most dont....they take a written test, followed by a driving test behind e wheel. He said it is an intricate and detailed driving test . They are asked to drive somewhere they are unfamiliar with by directions left right, turn left , go 4 blocks, turn right, and on and on, etc. then they are asked to turn around and go back the same exact way with no instructions. This tests memory, patience, driving skills, and reasoning.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@Shanus wrote:
I'm visiting my 88 yr. old mother in her retirement community. She has her own apartment, not assisted living. She just started using a walker a few months ago & takes a cane (only) when driving because can't fold & lift walker.

Her driving has gotten very bad...difficulty staying in her lane, notice she doesn't come to complete stop, no signal when turning or changing lanes and worst of all, she doesn't use her mirrors to back up or see when changing lanes.

We obviously need to take her license away before she hurts herself or someone else. How do you approach this subject? She'll be losing her ability to go food shopping herself, have nails done, etc. Yes, there is van service provided here, but she likes her freedom & doesn't want to be on their schedule. Help!

@Shanus

Like everything else in my life, I believe in the direct approach? Tell her what you have typed here and add, you should not be driving anymore. Then ask for her keys to be sure she does not drive.

If you know that her driving is this bad, you also know it will get worse before it gets better, and why wait for a tragedy to happen? Losing a parent is sad enough, but if she took other humans with her?

I would not wait, and if necessary, I would disable her vehicle from starting. My late mother-in-law was also 88, when after she broke her hip. After that she was just a danger to everyone on the road. She declined giving her keys to my wife, so I disabled her car.

My wife and her brother took her wherever she needed to go, and my wife also got her groceries for her when her mother did not feel like going. I don't know if she ever tried to start her car during that time, she never said.

She finally decided to sell the car to her son, my brother-in-law, and that was it. She died 1 month before her 91st birthday, but not from a car crash. I would do the same thing to my late mother, but she never drove a car, and died when she was 70+, back in 1969.

I never have been one to dance around much of anything, especially something with potential consequences as this might have in the future. One never likes taking away a loved one's independence, but there comes a time when a son or daughter should not see it as an option.

hckynut(john)

september · ‎03-09-2010

@shoekitty It sounds like your moms personality is much like my husband's. As I mentioned, it was an accident with the CHP that led to the end of his driving. For a long time afterward, he blamed the "bad cop" for causing him to lose his license. He eventually forgot about that, and blamed me, because I " sold his car". It isn't easy going through any of this with our aging loved ones.

In my opinion, allowing an older person with cognitive and physical problems to keep on driving, is like allowing a small child to drive. Not safe....no question about it.