Community Chat

[CatsyCline]

i went through this with my Dad and he was 79 going on 80 at the time. my mother had no clue that he was getting forgetful and erratic even though they had been married over 50 yrs - she just did not see the changes. anything we :kids: said fell on deaf ears.  he was getting lost driving. one night he left his car and somehow got home and a note was attached to his fishing pole telling him where the car had been left.  it took a neighbor to get my mother to wise up.  his car battery was dead and she took mim to the DMV and they gave him an ID card in place of his license.   car keys had to be hidden from him for years though.

now my mom, 86,  is having serious post-surgical leg pain and weakness and she cannot drive.  her right foot is numb and there is nerve damage.  i have said to her repeatedly i hope she is sensible and gives up her car. additionally,  she is heading for a Total Hip Replacement so its is unlikely she will try. i am thankful although i hate to see her in pain, she is/was a dreadful driver. very offensive and would play games on the road like drive extra slow to get other drivers back.  a few years ago she scraped another car in a parking lot and ignored it and went shopping. when she came out there was a local PD officer waiting. he told her she was in violation of the law. she was to have notified the other car;s owner.  that car's owner had reported the incident and she frantically denied she did it. but the proof was there - her car's forest green paint on the other car, a white car. she settled with the owner but ranted that it wasnt ":fair" that she got in trouble.

please for safeties sake think of others on the road. as people age they sometimes let their emotions get the better of them

[rustee]

I had to take my mother's car keys away from her when she was in her early 80s. She traveled the same roads every day and she said she had times when she didn't know where she was.  She also said she had a problem finding the groceries on her list so she ended up buying things she already had at home.  She was happy the burden of doing daily errands was not her responsibility any more.

[Shanus]

@occasionalrain. She has hit cars in parking lots misjudging the space she had between cars & backed into cars in Lowes' parking lot. She taught me to drive at 16 & at that time used signals, etc. Called DMV yesterday & they have recording that they're "backed up w/ calls & are not returning messages. Call another day." Can you believe that? Spoke to my mid-40's kids last nite after she went to sleep & they don't want me in the car w/ her. Their feeling is that if she wants to kill herself, why put me in a wheelchair or worse? She won't ride in my car...an SUV...says too difficult to get in because too high. Excuses for everything. I guess her doctor is next call when I get home. 

[Shanus]

Thanks everyone for replies and suggestions. Have called DMV...too backed up to take new calls. Will call her doctor when I get home to see what he suggests. You've all been so helpful!!! 🌷

[NickNack]

Shanus, if you can't get through to the DMV on the phone after several tries I would suggest actually going in and talking with them.

[VaBelle35]

My father wouldn't listen to any family member.  We had to get a doctor to do it.

My grandfather was easier because he lived in Brooklyn and it was getting harder and harder for him to move his car every day for street cleaning.  As winter approached one year, he asked my brother to take the car for the winter and he'd take it back in the spring after it stopped snowing.  Well, the discussion of bringing the car back never happened as he didn't need the car to visit people anymore, everyone just got used to coming to them.  And in Brooklyn, you walk everywhere as there's a store on every corner.

[ROMARY]

All I can say is that sometimes they 'sneak out'.  (Not my parents, but I know some do.)  Imo, it's the spouse's responsibility to 'hide the keys'.   But, often times the other spouse doesn't know because she/he walked to church, or was picked up by a friend, etc.  'While the cat's away'...........              Lots of good luck and safety to all.  And, I know that it's a very difficult problem in families.   Thank goodness, my dad realized that he was just too old (in his mind/perception) (mid nineties) to be a safe driver.   But, we did let him keep his 'baby' parked in the driveway so he could enjoy sitting in it, in the warm sun on cold days, reading newspapers and magazines.   No keys, and I checked the odometer, just in case; although there was no need to because someone was almost always home with him.  'But, still'..............

[Moonchilde]

---

@Shanus wrote:

@occasionalrain. She has hit cars in parking lots misjudging the space she had between cars & backed into cars in Lowes' parking lot. She taught me to drive at 16 & at that time used signals, etc. Called DMV yesterday & they have recording that they're "backed up w/ calls & are not returning messages. Call another day." Can you believe that? Spoke to my mid-40's kids last nite after she went to sleep & they don't want me in the car w/ her. Their feeling is that if she wants to kill herself, why put me in a wheelchair or worse? She won't ride in my car...an SUV...says too difficult to get in because too high. Excuses for everything. I guess her doctor is next call when I get home. 

---

@Shanus, In my state there IS no talking to a human on the phone at the DMV - it's all recordings! 

As for the SUV, I can relate - I have only moderate arthritis and am in my 60s and I have trouble getting in my niece's SUV. You could invest in that foldable plastic one-step stool - so one less excuse ;-)

[Shanus]

@rustee. You were lucky that at least she admitted to getting lost.  I'd love to have this burden taken off me. 🌸

[mousiegirl]

---

@occasionalrain wrote:

Every day people are in accidents, less than 1% are the elderly. Most are distracted drivers, on their cell phones, dealing with their misbehaving children, putting on makeup, or over tired and falling asleep. My guess is that your mother isn't out on the highway but just short drives around town during the day. Any accident will be minor not the doom imagined by some.

@occasionalrain  An elderly woman driving very slowly ran up on the sidewalk of a school and hit several children.  No one can predict the damage a bad driver could do, but can predict that an accident will almost certainly occur.

---