Community Chat

[Shanus]

@shoekitty  There's a big "but" with your ideas....although appreciated. She has no physical or mental limitations. There's no reason for her doc to file a complaint. She's just no longer making good judgement calls behind the wheel. I've mentioned it to her when she runs over a curb or forgets to signal or doesn't come to full stop. Denial. This is a tough situation...no medical reasons, just the perception of me, my son & husband. 

[Noel7]

@Shanus

You noticed something wrong which worried you enough to post here about it.

You've written that she only does things like droving up on a curb.  Surely you know there have been numerous reports over the years of elderly drivers going up a curb and killing people on the sidewalk?

YOU don't have to be the one who makes the decision.  The DMV can test her abilities.

I get it that this is not easy to do, but we are talking about people's lives here.

[RedTop]

I would ask her to drive you somewhere, and after you get back, point out your concerns with her driving ability.   

What you are describing is that your mother's driving is totally routine; she knows what to do when she gets behind the wheel of her car, same as she knows how to wash her dishes or do her laundry.  She's doing what she's always done, but it doesn't mean she's doing it well.  I feel sure she is oblivious to what is going on around her when she drives, which is exactly what my own mother was doing.   

You have to do whatever it takes to keep your mother safe.   

[Moonchilde]

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@Shanus wrote:

@shoekitty  There's a big "but" with your ideas....although appreciated. She has no physical or mental limitations. There's no reason for her doc to file a complaint. She's just no longer making good judgement calls behind the wheel. I've mentioned it to her when she runs over a curb or forgets to signal or doesn't come to full stop. Denial. This is a tough situation...no medical reasons, just the perception of me, my son & husband. 

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Then if you report her anonymously to the DMV, *they* will be the judge. They certainly test decision-making ability, carelessness, etc. If a healthy 25 year old doesn't use turn signals or backup mirrors or doesn't come to a full stop (esp at a 4-way intersection) any of that is grounds for a Fail in CA, never mind the age - if you don't drive safely, they will yank your license. And you won't be directly involved.

Another thought - AAA among others sponsors Senior Driving Clinics that are "refresher courses" of sorts for driving. Do you think if she went to one it might help impress upon her that she needs to follow the rules of the road for safety's sake? And if she can't pass that, the instructor might well report her.

[shoekitty]

@Shanus

My mom was like that with dementia in the beginning.before it progressed.  She is now dianosed with dementia, altzheimers.  Judgement and reasoning are all part of it.  It can take years before it  gets worse.  My mom forgot where she was going and where she had been and she was always getting lost.  This is before she got worse and had her liscense taken away!

Maybe have her eyes tested, have the doctor check her health and reflexes.  You still can report her to DMV and they can ask for a drivers test. Sometimes if the think you are a little. Careless driving, the ask you to go back to driver school. It is hard to get a license taken away.

however, whatever it is.  If you are concerned it wouldnt hurt to call dmv and talk to someone about options.

[Bestdressed]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

The OP's mother does not have dementia so all this talk of parents who are confused, get lost...is irrelevant. It does not apply. Her mother has a minor disability otherwise she is as competent as those posting. Should those with physical disabilities be prevented from driving? There are lousy drivers in every age group, every social/economic level, both women and men, married and unmarried. Should a spouse take the keys from their wife or husband if they judge them a lousy driver? If so then traffic jams would be eliminated since the roads would be virtually empty.

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You are not describing what the OP  said :

"Her driving has gotten very bad...difficulty staying in her lane, notice she doesn't come to complete stop, no signal when turning or changing lanes and worst of all, she doesn't use her mirrors to back up or see when changing lanes. "

My father was 87 last time he went to get his license renewed.  He drove just like the OP's mother.  He failed the drivers test twice... and never drove again.  He ended up with dementia which became much more apparent several months later.  

Parents have a way of hiding and lying about their difficulties.  They know deep down they are not remembering and responding, to what used to be a normal routine.  I used to call my fathers Dr. before his appointment to mention, what we needed to discuss.  Because my dad  always "said" he was doing and feeling good ... when he went to the Dr.

[occasionalrain]

The AAA senior driving school is the best answer. If you tell her that upon completion she will save at least 5% on her insurance she may agree. Also you can get her curb feelers for her car to prevent her misjudging the curb. Many people go up onto curbs and the same goes for not coming to a complete stop at stop signs. If you doubt that just spend a little time observing an intersection. As to using her turn signals to change lanes, that was not required when she learned to drive so no wonder it isn't automatic for her as it is with younger drivers. That she hasn't received tickets or been in an accident makes me think this is an overreaction.

[Big Sister]

@Shanus  This is certainly a problem we are all going to have to face, some sooner rather than later.

I suggest you talk to her Dr. and/or the DMV and ask them how to handle this situation.  She may accept it more if one of them tells her she has to stop driving.

Good luck.

[libbyannE]

How are her eyes? Just as we were in your situation, fate stepped in, and dad did not pass the eye exam so his license was not renewed. Thank goodness.

[nagrom]

My dad had macular degeneration in his eighties.  The specialist treating him contacted the DMV and reported him.   It was quite the shock when a sheriff came to his house and ordered him to turn over his license.   My dad took it hard but adjusted.

On the other hand my hubbys uncle was a terrible driver and pulled out without checking to the left or right.  He had several tickets but continued to drive.   One day he was coming out of a parking lot and pulled out in front of a seventeen year old boy without checking.  The speed limit was 45 mph on that road.   The boy hit the car killing the uncle instantly.  I felt bad for the boy having to live with this.   Hubbys relatives talked about why no one stepped in and prevented this accident from happening.   Too late.

We all have choices to make some easy some not.   I wish you all the best.