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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,242
Registered: ‎01-27-2015
@Moonchilde

That is exactly what both my primary and the dermatologist said. The dermatologist said that it can run very deep and they would have to dig and the opening around the mole could actually look much much worse.

Also, like I said it really doesn't bother me other than it has "suddenly" been called wart like and there have been no changes to it. I think it only bothers her.
Super Contributor
Posts: 387
Registered: ‎06-27-2011

I'm a person who believes that just because a person is part of the family doesn't mean you have to put up with their constant criticism and especially verbal abuse. Does your step mom have a physical flaw? I would put it back on her and say, "I'll have my mole removed when you finally lose those 50 pounds, or get the botox you need, or have those eye lids lifted, or get your fungus infested toe nails treated." That would stop that repetitive conversation fast. My heart goes out to you on this one.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,416
Registered: ‎11-03-2013

@NativeJax wrote:
Wow! Lots of very good advice here, thank you! Just to clarify the doctor said it would leave a much larger scar than the actual mole. Secondly, I can't afford the expense of it and it really doesn't bother me at all. Thirdly, this is more recent behavior from her since dad has become nearly bedridden at this point. Over the years she has had her moments but this particular incident is going on 2 months now and I have politely asked her to stop because I did have it looked at and gave her the update. She knows I am unemployed and I am doing the best I can at the moment. She is 70 years old but the past few months I have really noticed how more aggressive she is getting. I vented here because it's not worth getting my dad upset, he was weeping yesterday and I was able to spend nearly 10 hours just he and I. He is trying to resolve things and it's ok by me to withstand and endure for now. I just couldn't help pointing out how Kate Winslett had two moles and looked fantastic.

I think I will try complementing her as someone suggested if she does it again today.

You really are a terrific person @NativeJax.  God bless you and your family during this time and I wish you all peace.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,095
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

@Moonchilde wrote:

@Q4u wrote:

I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare.

 

I have had numerous "barnicles" removed from my face and I've never had my doctor tell me not to unless I wanted a scare....  so I'm a bit baffled by that remark.  My doctor tells me that she'll "watch"  something but I've had pre-cancerous items taken off at least once a year and have to go again....  and my doctor will remove something benign while it's still small enough to not be big deal removing it.

 

Anyway, as far as your Step Mother is concerned, she doesn't seem to know when to stop.....  ignore her and follow your doctor's advice.   Woman Happy




 

 

There are many types of skin lesions. Moles are different from keratoses and skin cancers. They are deeper, of different shapes, and more complicated to remove, with unpredictable results. They very often scar.

 

The more superficial skin lesions can be frozen, lasered or scraped off. Moles require surgery, and on the face, expert cosmetic surgery paid for entirely out of pocket because they do not always "need" to be removed.

 

Every skin lesion is not a mole, and all skin lesions are not created equal.

 


Thank you for the explanation in more detail...  didn't realize the complexity of a mole, however I can say that the barnicles I've had taken off have all left scarring, the worst of which along my eyebrow line and have led to having to find brow pencils that will adhere to scar tissue and last all day (great vsual huh?)....  Woman WinkWoman LOL

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

@NativeJax wrote:
@Moonchilde

That is exactly what both my primary and the dermatologist said. The dermatologist said that it can run very deep and they would have to dig and the opening around the mole could actually look much much worse.

Also, like I said it really doesn't bother me other than it has "suddenly" been called wart like and there have been no changes to it. I think it only bothers her.

 

 

I think that for whatever reason, she wants to pick at you and belittle you.

 

I know you're trying to keep your cool because of your dad, but if she keeps it up, I'd be tempted, if it were me, to say something like -

 

"We've discussed this before. My doctors have advised that I should NOT have it removed, and I've told you this. Why are you persisting? Is it just to hurt or embarrass me? Because if so, save your breath - I don't care what you think. The next time you bring it up in front of others, I will tell THEM what I've told you - and also tell them that you're clearly trying to embarrass me - just so they're clear about it too."

 

Yeah, I know you wouldn't, but at least part of it... 😈

Life without Mexican food is no life at all
Honored Contributor
Posts: 39,562
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

@mom43 wrote:

I know it is hurtful and I would let her know that.  Next time she mentions it, I'd confide that you appreciate her concern but that the dermatologist recommended that you leave it alone for now.  That you are already aware of it, and it bothers you when she brings it up.  In other words, treat her as if you believe she's being helpful and not nasty.  I find that if I treat some people the way I want them to be (and not the way they really are) some start to act the way I want them to behave. (I think they don't want me to know they're really awful people.)

 

If that doesn't work, I'd agree with those that recommend you taking the high road here. She could make it difficult for you to see your father and that's not what any of you need at this time.


@mom43

 

I'm not sure I would tell her it bothers me or is hurtful .... I think that is exactly what she wants!    She WANTS to make you feel uncomfortable and I don't think I'd give her the satisfaction of knowing she's been successful.

 

If NJ doesn't want to have a conversation about her bad behavior, then she can just dismiss it by saying, No, I'm not having it removed ... the Dermatologist said to leave it alone!    

 

Where can the Ugly Stepmother go with that response?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

@Q4u wrote:

@Moonchilde wrote:

@Q4u wrote:

I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare.

 

I have had numerous "barnicles" removed from my face and I've never had my doctor tell me not to unless I wanted a scare....  so I'm a bit baffled by that remark.  My doctor tells me that she'll "watch"  something but I've had pre-cancerous items taken off at least once a year and have to go again....  and my doctor will remove something benign while it's still small enough to not be big deal removing it.

 

Anyway, as far as your Step Mother is concerned, she doesn't seem to know when to stop.....  ignore her and follow your doctor's advice.   Woman Happy




 

 

There are many types of skin lesions. Moles are different from keratoses and skin cancers. They are deeper, of different shapes, and more complicated to remove, with unpredictable results. They very often scar.

 

The more superficial skin lesions can be frozen, lasered or scraped off. Moles require surgery, and on the face, expert cosmetic surgery paid for entirely out of pocket because they do not always "need" to be removed.

 

Every skin lesion is not a mole, and all skin lesions are not created equal.

 


Thank you for the explanation in more detail...  didn't realize the complexity of a mole, however I can say that the barnicles I've had taken off have all left scarring, the worst of which along my eyebrow line and have led to having to find brow pencils that will adhere to scar tissue and last all day (great vsual huh?)....  Woman WinkWoman LOL


 

 

I worked for pathologists and melanoma specialists for many years, so I might know more than some 😉

 

I had two large 'barnacles' removed from my face this past Tuesday. My face is still swollen and bruised from it. The wounds are maybe half-healed at this point.  The doctor warned me they might scar, which I knew, but I told him whatever the scar looked like couldn't be worse-looking than what he removed! And I expect even if they do scar it'll fade.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,355
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I don't think I've read where you have spoken to her about your feelings. There is no need to be rude or nasty. I would say something like "thank you so much for your concern but my doc says not to do anything right now."  If she continues then just say you are listening to your doc and then ignore. There are so many more important things to stress over, especially if your dad is not well.


'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 131
Registered: ‎03-23-2010

Somehow this comment your stepmother made freaked me out and really have a hard time imagining such trashy behavior.  The next time she makes her mole comment Maybe you can say: You know,  I think you would look nicer if you had a face lift or surgery to remove your varicose veins  - whatever fits for her. And smile lovingly when you say it. I know it is a coarse thing to do but if she hears you say something likle that every time she spouts her mole comment she might quit.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

@reiki604 wrote:

I don't think I've read where you have spoken to her about your feelings. There is no need to be rude or nasty. I would say something like "thank you so much for your concern but my doc says not to do anything right now."  If she continues then just say you are listening to your doc and then ignore. There are so many more important things to stress over, especially if your dad is not well.


 

 

FYI, the OP has spoken to her and has told her that the doctor says no need to worry and it doesn't need to be removed medically, and her step-mom ignores that and keeps ragging on her about it, including "shaming" her about it in front of others.

 

Time to get "firm", then yes, 'rude' - but nothing could be half so rude as the woman persists in being.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all