Community Chat

[Ms X]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@NativeJax wrote:
@MsX

Unfortunately I am ignoring it because my dad is very sick and don't want him upset if there is any turmoil. I am recently laid off almost 6 weeks and because I am not working yet I have been helping more so I haven't until recently experienced how mean spirited she truly can be. I just keep telling myself it must be because she is in some stage due to my fathers illness so I keep trying to ignore it.

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@NativeJax

Just read this post from you.  You can say something to let her know how you feel without being angry or argumentative.  Simply ask her to stop and then walk away from it.

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I suppose she could, but she risks it devolving into a big fight.  I guess if she brings it up she could leave the room before things get messy if they're going in that direction.  In my experience, people like this will just start needling a person about something else.

[Cakers3]

I'd rub my hands on it and then rub my hands on her face.  She'll be checking her own face in the mirror every 5 minutes.

Seriously - just thank her for the several times she has expressed concern and then really try not to respond.  It will get old soon enough for her.

She looks more the fool than you probably realize.

[susan kay]

Some people are sooo tacky!!!!  I"m guessing from what you've said that she will keep bringing this subject up.  You might want to just say something casually  to her..."I'm fine with the mole on my face, and besides the doctor also thinks that I should  leave it alone"....to keep her quiet.  Doesn't need to be argumentative, just a simple comment.  If she brings it up again, just ignore her and act as if she has said nothing.  No other response would be needed.

Not sure what the doctor meant by "a scare", but that's kind of beside the point.

[Marp]

@NativeJax, is this a new behavior for your step-mother?  How long has she been married to your dad?

If it is a new behavior I would chalk it up to the stress from your dad being so ill so she is lashing out at anyone/everyone as a coping mechanism.

If this is a long term behavior and has become worse since your dad became so ill I would have to consider whether she is trying to cause a rift between you and your dad either by you at some point saying something to him or deciding to stay away in order to avoid her.

Good wishes that you are able to maintain control and continue to ignore her.

Would it do any good to preempt her and bring up the mole first, taking the wind out of her sails so to speak?

[Q4u]

I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare.

I have had numerous "barnicles" removed from my face and I've never had my doctor tell me not to unless I wanted a scare....  so I'm a bit baffled by that remark.  My doctor tells me that she'll "watch"  something but I've had pre-cancerous items taken off at least once a year and have to go again....  and my doctor will remove something benign while it's still small enough to not be big deal removing it.

Anyway, as far as your Step Mother is concerned, she doesn't seem to know when to stop.....  ignore her and follow your doctor's advice.   

[jaxs mom]

I'd tell her she needs to drop it already as it's not her decision to make. 

[Mominohio]

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@Smoky wrote:

@NativeJax, it's easier to ignore than said but you can do it..  Tell her it's your beauty mark or "I don't know what you're talking about."  

Back in 93 we bought our home, my MIL told my husband, "Now don't you let her spend too much money on furniture."  I said give me the phone...   I told her, "It isn't any of your darn (used another word) business how much money I spend on furniture, it's MY money and you aren't paying for it."  I thought my husband was going to fall off the couch but never said another word, just grinned.  Sorry, it was a flashback, LOL.

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I have seen repeatedly in family dynamics like these described, that if people like these offenders aren't put in their place early on in a relationship, they continue to badger others forever.

I certainly understand when someone is very ill, not making waves, because it isn't about anything but them right then.

If OP may be faced with not having to deal with this woman in the foreseeable future (if father may be passing soon), I can see leaving it alone, and moving on without her in my life when changes occur.

If it seems she is going to be in my life for a long period of time, I'd pull her aside and put her in her place.

[Ms X]

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@Q4u wrote:

I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare.

I have had numerous "barnicles" removed from my face and I've never had my doctor tell me not to unless I wanted a scare....  so I'm a bit baffled by that remark.  My doctor tells me that she'll "watch"  something but I've had pre-cancerous items taken off at least once a year and have to go again....  and my doctor will remove something benign while it's still small enough to not be big deal removing it.

Anyway, as far as your Step Mother is concerned, she doesn't seem to know when to stop.....  ignore her and follow your doctor's advice.   

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I think she meant scar.

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[Q4u]

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@Ms X wrote:

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@Q4u wrote:

I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare.

I have had numerous "barnicles" removed from my face and I've never had my doctor tell me not to unless I wanted a scare....  so I'm a bit baffled by that remark.  My doctor tells me that she'll "watch"  something but I've had pre-cancerous items taken off at least once a year and have to go again....  and my doctor will remove something benign while it's still small enough to not be big deal removing it.

Anyway, as far as your Step Mother is concerned, she doesn't seem to know when to stop.....  ignore her and follow your doctor's advice.   

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I think she meant scar.

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LOL.... of course you're right....  yes there would be some scarring...   

[DoneTryin]

@Q4u. @susankay. I believe the OP meant scar, not scare