Community Chat

[momtochloe]

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@SaRina wrote:

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@momtochloe wrote:

@NativeJax I once had my ex-mother-in-law tell me I wasn't "pretty" enough to be in their family . . . my then husband was in the next room and I saw his shoulders slump as she flung that at me.  I always knew she was a bully but I always thought she knew better than to come after me.  I politely told her that even "pretty" people had problems and I was quite satisified with myself.  You could hear a pin drop in the room as no one ever spoke to her like that.

Clearly this woman learned at an early age to attack rather than defend her rather hollow insides.  You are a good woman who is helping your dad through a difficult time.  Try not to rise to the bait as that is what she is looking for.

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@Hi @momtochloe!  How you doin'?  This reminded me of the time I was fired from a job in a 4-person office.  I was young.... and attractive, I might add, lol. My work was exemplary so when I asked why I was being fired, the boss stammered and said, "I don't like your face."   Have you ever?  lol  I was stunned at the time.  In shock.  Nothing to say.  I have to admit it was hurtful, but I told myself it was coming from a sour and bitter person, and got over it pretty quickly.

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@SaRina good to see you!  It never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be to each other in a given situation (how do you fire someone because of their face? . . . good heavens!) but to be honest the things that really troubles me in this situation is that her husband is ill and she is attacking his daughter instead of focusing on what the current need is . . . good thoughts and prayers to you @NativeJax as this can't be an easy time for you on many levels right now. 

[Marp]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

I'm assuming you aren't 12 years old but you certainly are acting like it.  She won't stop because you have done or said anything to make her stop.  Wait until she says something when there are other people around.  Then act like an adult and in a firm...loud  voice; say STOP IT NOW!  This is my face and what is on it is none of your business.  I don't need your advice and sick of your rudeness.  Do not ever mention this to me again.   She'll be mortified and the other people in the room will respect you.  If you can't do that. just make peace with her comments.  Accept  that she is a bully and you are willing victim.  

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She would be mortified if it was only the first or second time this happened and she was unaware but OP indicated this has been ongoing so I suspect instead of being mortified she would (at least internally) be grinning ear to ear and use OP's response in an I told you she was a _____ to prove a point.

Without knowing the motivation of the step-mother a confrontation may be playing right into her hand.

I would support confronting the step-mother in no uncertain terms if OP did not need to be concerned about her dad and any repercussions he may be subjected to.

Also, please consider that she is the wife and has a certain amount of power to limit OP's access to her dad.

[lolakimono]

@NativeJax

I would probably buy a patterned duct tape and put a patch over the mole.  When she comments on the duct tape, you can say it's DIY dermatology since your unemployment prevents you for paying for plastic surgery procedures out of pocket.

[Scooby Doo]

Cindy Crawford and a couple of other models have big dark moles on their upper lip.  It's a beauty mark and certainly hasn't held them back.  Marie Osmond has one next to her eye.

If it doesn't bother you it shouldn't be anyone else's business.

[truffle]

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@lolakimono wrote:

@NativeJax

I would probably buy a patterned duct tape and put a patch over the mole.  When she comments on the duct tape, you can say it's DIY dermatology since your unemployment prevents you for paying for plastic surgery procedures out of pocket.

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I thought you were going to say you'd put duct tape over her mouth!  LOL

[DoneTryin]

Is she at an age where dementia may be setting in?  The last year of my mom's life (her 77th year), she was saying some pretty ugly things to her children & grandchildren, didn't remember the events, & kept on saying the hateful things.  She also started saying she hated some things that she had previously liked.  I know tastes change, but the way she said she hated those things (like tv shows, actors, etc) was quite abrupt & startling.

Whatever's going on with the woman, I hope you can let it roll off your back as you have bigger things to deal with.  I do wish you the best.

[libbyannE]

The behavior, whether by a friend or a relative, is out of line. What occurred to me, for what it is worth, is that the poor woman is so boorish that she may actually think she is showing love and concern. Either way, you are taking the high road, I see, by venting to others and keeping the peace with your stepmother. I admire you for it. 

p.s. My dermatologist told me the same thing about something I wanted removed--that the scar would be worse than the little more or whatever. We all have them! Think of the still-gorgeous model Cindy Crawford with the beauty mark that she proudly highlights! 

[Montana]

Some people enjoy making others feel uncomfortable.  I think your stepmother is one of these people.  

[Melania]

Ask her why she cares so much. How does it affect her life? Tell her you've had a doctor tell you it is fine and you are done talking about it.

Does she plan on getting her medical degree or cosmetology license to give a second opinion? Until then you will listen to your doctor.

Also remind her that it doesn't keep you from coming to take care of your father so she can get out and have a break. 

[LilacTree]

I had a flesh-colored mole just under my bottom lip about a quarter of an inch from my chin.  It wasn't that large and never bothered me.  It grew when I was very young, about 18.  My one brother told me it was ugly and I should have it removed.  No one else ever said much about it. 

Later in life, around my late forties, a growth appeared on the opposite side almost in line with the mole.  I went to a cosmetic surgeon because this one, although smaller and also very pale, bled from time to time.  He thought it looked suspicious.  So when he removed it, he removed the other one as well. 

He told me he had "good news and bad news."  The newer growth was a basal cell cancer, but the old mole was totally benign.  He did a great job, I had two very unnoticeable white areas where they were removed.  I can hardly see them anymore.

I now have many growths on my body, including a couple on my face (one is an actinic keratosis, I'm pretty sure, dark and unsightly right near my left eye), and two others are white, small and flat.  I have to get to a dermatologist.

I guess my point is if your doctor is not worried about it and it would cause a noticeable scar to remove (mine didn't), then you should make your own decision.  I would suggest that you use a cosmetic surgeon though, even if more expensive, because it is on your face. 

As to the stepmother, her opinion would not be important to me either way.