Community Chat

[mstyrion 1]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

I'm assuming you aren't 12 years old but you certainly are acting like it.  She won't stop because you have done or said anything to make her stop.  Wait until she says something when there are other people around.  Then act like an adult and in a firm...loud  voice; say STOP IT NOW!  This is my face and what is on it is none of your business.  I don't need your advice and sick of your rudeness.  Do not ever mention this to me again.   She'll be mortified and the other people in the room will respect you.  If you can't do that. just make peace with her comments.  Accept  that she is a bully and you are willing victim.  

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Sorry. Your advice sounds like the tantrum of a 12 year old.

If the stepmother truly lives to cause conflict (I had one of those) then any display of anger or hurt on the step daughter's part just feeds her need to hurt.

Don't give her positive reinforcement.  Just give her a good stare and ignore her comments.  If she realizes she can't get under your skin, she'll stop.  Unfortunately she may move on to something different, but at least you will have stopped this particular behavior.

[ECBG]

So sorry you are having to deal woth this and are having to endure this acidic woman to be around your dear father.  I had the exact situation with a stepmother and my dad.  After we lost him I removed all the "acid" from my life.  

You might turn down her interest in you by saying "I believe we've discussed that".  If she has a comeback I'd just say "I've made my decision." or "I'm taking my doctor's advice.".  Everytime she brings up the subject, just say the same sentance everytime.

I'm so very, very sorry.

[mom43]

I know it is hurtful and I would let her know that.  Next time she mentions it, I'd confide that you appreciate her concern but that the dermatologist recommended that you leave it alone for now.  That you are already aware of it, and it bothers you when she brings it up.  In other words, treat her as if you believe she's being helpful and not nasty.  I find that if I treat some people the way I want them to be (and not the way they really are) some start to act the way I want them to behave. (I think they don't want me to know they're really awful people.)

If that doesn't work, I'd agree with those that recommend you taking the high road here. She could make it difficult for you to see your father and that's not what any of you need at this time.

[qualitygal]

Well, I was taught that mine was a beauty mark.  It wasn't of course, but that's what mom said, and mom wouldn't lie to me. (wink, wink). So hey hey, call yours that....and do it everytime she announces it. Before long, it'll shut her up. If not, you have a beauty mark!! I said so!! LOL  To @NativeJax

[NativeJax]

Wow! Lots of very good advice here, thank you! Just to clarify the doctor said it would leave a much larger scar than the actual mole. Secondly, I can't afford the expense of it and it really doesn't bother me at all. Thirdly, this is more recent behavior from her since dad has become nearly bedridden at this point. Over the years she has had her moments but this particular incident is going on 2 months now and I have politely asked her to stop because I did have it looked at and gave her the update. She knows I am unemployed and I am doing the best I can at the moment. She is 70 years old but the past few months I have really noticed how more aggressive she is getting. I vented here because it's not worth getting my dad upset, he was weeping yesterday and I was able to spend nearly 10 hours just he and I. He is trying to resolve things and it's ok by me to withstand and endure for now. I just couldn't help pointing out how Kate Winslett had two moles and looked fantastic.

I think I will try complementing her as someone suggested if she does it again today.

[KLm]

Having been the recipient of comments from people who think they know better how to live my life than I do....this is my consistent reply....no matter what they say: You are right.

then I do exactly what I want.

[qualitygal]

@NativeJax,

I just read a little more of your text. Your MIL, is probably getting to be a burned out caregiver. There's very little some can do to let off steam, or feel they have a life. My guess is that she is taking it out on you. A couple of years from now, it probably won't even cross her mind. It's what she's going through. Very helpless feeling, it's no excuse, but it does happen.

[Moonchilde]

From a medical as well as a cosmetic POV, the reason most moles are not removed is precisely because the results after removal can't always be predicted. It could come back larger/more unsightly, or the scar could look worse than the mole. The reason you see actresses and celebrities with facial moles is because, with all the money they could want and access to excellent plastic surgeons, they've been advised by these doctors NOT to remove them. 

The cost for removal for purely cosmetic reasons is another issue of course. It will be out of pocket and there will be separate pathology fees.

Maybe step-mom would be willing to pay for this - you should ask her 😈

Marilyn Monroe, the most famous "beauty" of step-mom's age, had a mole on her face. Google "celebrity moles" and see what comes up ;-) - quite a bit.

[scotnovel]

I would tell her that because she was so concerned about it you consulted your doctor who said there is no reason at all to be concerned about it or to have it removed.  Then let it go at that. If she mentions it again just say - oh, you must have forgotten that I saw the doctor about it. 

[Moonchilde]

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@Q4u wrote:

I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare.

I have had numerous "barnicles" removed from my face and I've never had my doctor tell me not to unless I wanted a scare....  so I'm a bit baffled by that remark.  My doctor tells me that she'll "watch"  something but I've had pre-cancerous items taken off at least once a year and have to go again....  and my doctor will remove something benign while it's still small enough to not be big deal removing it.

Anyway, as far as your Step Mother is concerned, she doesn't seem to know when to stop.....  ignore her and follow your doctor's advice.   

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There are many types of skin lesions. Moles are different from keratoses and skin cancers. They are deeper, of different shapes, and more complicated to remove, with unpredictable results. They very often scar.

The more superficial skin lesions can be frozen, lasered or scraped off. Moles require surgery, and on the face, expert cosmetic surgery paid for entirely out of pocket because they do not always "need" to be removed.

Every skin lesion is not a mole, and all skin lesions are not created equal.