Spin-off from the "Happy Palm Sunday" thread; Birthday Party on Easter

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

The lovely thread of "Happy Palm Sunday" made me decide to ask the forum for their views on something that happened to our son (well, a friend of his). I didn't want to spoil that thread so I started this one. Understand that nothing is going to change on my end and not looking for advice; just something that I and a few others were discussing (due to our involvement).

Very good friend of my sons is having a birthday party Saturday, 3/31. No issue. However, the party is a sleepover with a big part of the party taking place on Sunday...Easter Sunday. Now, I understand that not everyone celebrates Easter. There are those who don't celebrate Christmas. There are those who don't celebrate Hanukkah or Passover or so many other holidays that are faith based. However, it's kinda known that Easter Sunday is on 4/1 this year due to all the stuff out in the market as well as school spring week.

We celebrate Easter. That's it. So my son will not be spending the night. I RSVP'd the day the invite arrived and asked could he still attend Saturday. The answer was "No. The party is for both days and either your son attends both days or else he is not invited".

Now, I started to think about this. My son and this boy (and a few others) are really good friends. Entering middle school meant all of them wound up going to a different middle school so they get together when possible but connect daily over Xbox, texts, group chat. Was it fair to the boys to not have my son go? Then again, this is OUR faith and it's important to us. Our faith comes first and so, he's not going.

Via their (the boys chatting), I found out that all the other boys aren't going either for the same reason. I know some don't celebrate Easter with church and all that but they do get together with family and have a dinner, etc. In the end, the party was cancelled because the vast majority said no.

Early last week, another invite arrived from the same parent. Now it's for Friday night into Saturday. Again, this is a Holy Day for many of us and again, he can't go. Today, a few of the other moms called me to say they weren't allowing their sons to go either for the same reason. I feel bad for the child and yet, this is our faith and well, there it is. The reason for posting this? One of the moms said to me: "why would you schedule an 2 day party over a major holiday weekend? Did she not do her research? Does she honestly think that no one celebrates Easter just because she doesn't?"

Today the mother of the birthday boy sent out an email berating everyone for being selfish and causing a young child to be devastated and hurt due to no party. I won't bother with the whole email because the bottom line was it's everyone's fault for this. The mothers of the others boys are angry at her and well, my phone has been busy with phone calls over this. Maybe because I'm 10 years plus older than all the other moms so they're coming to me to vent, ask what they should do, etc. I'm not going to tell them what they should do other than: In my world, you have to be true to yourself and what you hold dear. I hold no animosity towards the woman; she made her choices regarding the party dates and this was the end result.

Thoughts?

lolakimono · ‎03-29-2012

Moving the party to Friday was not smart either, due to Passover.

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

It was the mom's refusal to be flexible that messed up her son's bday party. She only has herself to blame. She could have let some come for the sleepover on Sat and then go home and those who could stay, stay. I'm wondering why it was two days or nothing. She was wrong to try to guilt and place blame on the other moms.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

I feel sad for the birthday boy. Say the mother didn't know it was Easter, she would have known with the responses. She should have then moved the party to the next weekend. Couldn't one of the mother's contact her and suggest another date. The boy should still have his party.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

A niece in our family is having a 50th birthday party with over 100 guests. Her birthday falls on Easter, April 1 so they are delaying it until the 14th. It was too hard to get a hall because of all the Easter brunches. As to your dilemma, that mom should have planned a Saturday party, which I believe would have been well-attended.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

WOW, that mother is one nasty and self-centered person. Of course you know SHE is the one who ruined it for her son.

If I were you, I would not reply to her again, she's slinging guilt that belongs to her.

TenderMercies · ‎06-03-2017

Sounds like your son is better off not being under the care of a moron.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

Funny, this mom wouldn't allow your son to only attend one of the two days because of her beliefs on how she wanted the celebration to go, but now she finds it perfectly OK to berate all of you for your beliefs. (scratching head)

@SahmIam- You and the other moms have done nothing wrong. Passover and Easter happen every spring and families traditionally do something, some for the religious aspect and others as an opportunity to welcome spring with a family gathering of some sort be it a family dinner or meeting at a restaurant for brunch. The mom should have had some forethought about this and planned the birthday party accordingly whether their family observes the holiday or not. Furthermore, what kid needs a two day celebration anyway??

The amended plan was no better than the first. The mom is being selfish and out of line, and now indignant and insulting on top of it - her reaction shows it. She's created the situation for her son to be hurt by no one attending due to her poor planning, not his friends and their families because they are committed to their time of worship and family gatherings. Unfortunately she's probably trying to save face to him and it's easier to lash out than to say she was sorry, that she made a mistake, and try to reschedule for a more doable weekend. Still, an all day Saturday get-together with a handful of 13 yr. old boys and sending them all home at night would be plenty, IMO

Sandyx3 · ‎09-07-2015

.....
Today the mother of the birthday boy sent out an email berating everyone for being selfish and causing a young child to be devastated and hurt due to no party. I won't bother with the whole email because the bottom line was it's everyone's fault for this. The mothers of the others boys are angry at her and well, my phone has been busy with phone calls over this. Maybe because I'm 10 years plus older than all the other moms so they're coming to me to vent, ask what they should do, etc. I'm not going to tell them what they should do other than: In my world, you have to be true to yourself and what you hold dear. I hold no animosity towards the woman; she made her choices regarding the party dates and this was the end result.

Thoughts?

I think that the mother was projecting her anger onto others, although she must realize that she blew it by not checking the calendar more closely for possible conflicts (holiday, religious or other). Many people/families travel out of town for get-togethers for Easter, or just to get away for Spring Break, around this time of year.

To blame everyone else, and state that her "son is devastated and hurt due to no party" is only making things worse. I feel bad for her son because she is being a bit overly dramatic...perhaps she can schedule another weekend in the year for his party?

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

Hey everyone. I don't know her reasons for the scheduling; maybe her extended family could only attend that weekend? Maybe something else is going on? Don't know and it's none of my business. Yes, she's not taking responsibility for her actions/choices and honestly...not too surprising as that seems to be the way of today. No one is going to guilt me into anything, so she's barking up the wrong tree on that. I feel for her son, I truly do; his mother didn't think, she didn't do her research and she refused to be flexible. Of course, though, it's everyone ELSE'S fault. I have a suspicion that his buddies will set him straight on what exactly happened and how that plays out will be, again, their business.

The two day event was a big party at his house and then a day at laser tag the following day. We're talking 6 boys for the sleepover but...and here's what is telling: he has cousins and neighborhood friends coming over as well (based on what we were told and could see on the E-vite), but she's canceling the party and blaming us, the parents of 6 of the guests.

Yeah...ok, then.