Speaking of Thanksgiving dinner charges-What do yo... - Page 3

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

Ok thanks to you all, I decided and feel great about it.

I'm just going to hand them an envelope with a pretty card before we leave and how glad I was to spend it with them and from one of my favorite restaurants and to thank them and that I'd like to help with the cost too. And I'll just put cash in there. And I'll give them the tea towel when we come.

Now I feel very good about it all!

Thanks again wonderful ladies for helping me decide by reading all the different thoughts!

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@on the bay wrote:
After our long going thread about the Thnksgvg dinner charges, I was wondering-
We are going to my daughters inlaws
for thanksgiving and they are ordering in from a favorite restaurant of all of ours.
I have in years past with close family and other inlaws given some money to contribute. Sometimes as a family when we were young we all agreed to chip in.
This time of course was never asked or mentioned (unlike that other thread!) and we haven't in the past, but now I'm wondering if it would be insulting or if it would be appreciated.
Though people usually say, oh no you don't need to but it's not like they are rich or anything.
I think I am leaning toward at least giving them some and they can take or refuse. Usually I'm not so indecisive. We have had many enjoyable times with them and they have eaten with us before but we haven't seen them much since covd.
Money has never been exchanged before however. When we've gone out we all pay for ourselves.
Any feelings about this?

@on the bay With the current increases in groceries, gasoline, etc., it's costly to put on a big dinner for one day, feeding multiple guests, than a day's usual meal costs in an average family's weekly grocery budget. I would have no problem approaching my child or their spouse and offering to help with the meal or offering a chunk of money to offset some of the cost. They would not be embarrassed insulted. If it were someone else, I'd still offer to contribute something to the meal. If the host/hostess wasn't interested in that, I'd bring them a bottle of wine or box of Fannie May Mint Meltaways and either a Visa or restaurant gift card.

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@on the bay I would bring a couple of pies or a pie and a cake or if some are weight conscience a fruit salad and a pie. Homemade of course. Call the lady and tell her what you are bringing.

For the fruit salad, cut up two different types of applies, add orange segments, grapes, toss in some coconut shreds and pomengrante pieces. If you want to before serving, cut up banana.

kindness is strength

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

@Katcat1,

The last time I made something for a family dinner, I was delegated to only bring the sodas from then on lol!

Sad, but true.

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

I love your solution, I don't believe people would order food if they couldn't afford it. I would be very insulted if someone offered me money for their dinner.

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

sann · ‎05-30-2012

One of my sons sent me a message yesterday about a restaurant near him that he said has the best food. They have a Thanksgiving dinner with all the goodies such as Turkey, Ham, dressing, garlic mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, two loaves of homemade bread, a pumpkin and pecan pie. I'm all in, lets do it..........Plenty of food to feed everyone........

Bhvbum · ‎07-18-2010

I always ask what can I bring and if the answer is nothing, then I'll ask what kind of wine would be good, and then I bring the wine.

Sage04 · ‎07-10-2011

@on the bay wrote:
@Katcat1,
The last time I made something for a family dinner, I was delegated to only bring the sodas from then on lol!
Sad, but true.

@on the bay that's so funny. I wonder why? lol

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

If they are young or not terribly well off (oftentimes our adult kids out earn us), I'd leave them some money.

I would not mention it. I would get a really pretty Thanksgiving card, write a lovely note about how much it meant to be spending time with them, and in their lovely home, explain that you wanted to help with the expense of the beautiful day, and include the money. I'd leave the card somewhere they won't find it until after everyone is gone.

But you know them best, and if you have any inkling that it would be offensive or hurtful, don't do it, just go and enjoy the day, and let them be the hosts this time, with all that includes, even the cost.

Edited to add

I just re read the original post, and to me it reads you are going to your DIL home. Then I sensed it might mean to your DIL parent's home? If that is the case, I would still take a card and something to contribute to the meal, but not money. My response assumed you were going to your DIL (and son's?) and that they younger generation was hosting.

Iwantcoffee · ‎03-11-2010

@Janey2 wrote:
Never ever would I take money or even offer money to anyone that invited me over for dinner. As a matter of fact I would be highly insulted if anyone offered to give me money when I invited them to my house. They obviously enjoy your company and want to share the holiday. Bring a dessert or a gift, but do not give them money. I never even heard of people thinking to "pay their way" when invited to someone's home.

The money is for the restaurant, not the host. The host is not making the meal or charging a fee, it is the restaurant. Why is that insulting?