Community Chat

[Janey2]

Never ever would I take money or even offer money to anyone that invited me over for dinner. As a matter of fact I would be highly insulted if anyone offered to give me money when I invited them to my house. They obviously enjoy your company and want to share the holiday. Bring a dessert or a gift, but do not give them money. I never even heard of people thinking to "pay their way" when invited to someone's home.

[SunValley]

I would offer to contribute and if they prefer not to accept, donate to a food bank. Either way you will be thinking of others. And that is a good feeling all around. 

[on the bay]

Thanks so much for all your thoughtful replies!

You won't believe this (but you probably will!) but I also ordered a great gift to take after reading here on the forums about Cracker Barrell!

It's a tea towel that says "Let Heaven and Nature Sing",

With 2 chicadee birds and holly.

I know she will love it. She always gets me little things for my birthday.

I also like that idea about a gift card to guess where we are ordering from?

Cracker Barrell😃

I had a really hard time ordering from them online but when I called after waiting about 40 minutes, they put it thru easily. I was determined lol!

They do have so many nice things and I use to treat myself by going into the store after going to the dreaded car dealership for maintenance. It was on the way home so of course my car drove right in!

Anyway, thanks all again.

I think if I was having dinner here yes I might feel insulted if they offered money and I know I would refuse it.

And yes if I couldn't afford it I wouldn't have invited anyone.

On the other hand with some family members, I know they would definitely need and or appreciate it but others don't need it you know?

Back in the day there was only one of my bil's who was very well off but the rest of us were dirt poor, so we took it from there in terms of when we chipped in❤️

[kaydee50]

I would definitely offer, i.e, "Can I help with the cost?"  Up to them to accept or decline but I wouldn't feel "insulted" if money were offered to me.  IMO it's a very thoughtful gesture.

[cookie16]

If I am invited to your home for dinner, unless it is agreed upfront that we will share the cost, I would not ask about paying my share or contributing.  A phrase that I heard a long time ago from my sister-in-law, who is Italian, "you ring the doorbell with your elbow" meaning your hands are carrying gifts, i.e. wine, dessert, flowers, delicious bread, and maybe more than one.  That way it is not expected but so thoughtful.  

[Etoile308]

I think there's a difference between being invited as a guest from that of an extended family getting together for Thanksgiving. With family I don't mind offering to pay my fare. I would call your DIL and tell her you realize the cost of everything has gone up and you would like to contribute towards the gathering. Offer to contribute to the cost, bring wine or dessert, bread or rolls, Rubbermaid containers for leftovers...anything she can think of even a small colorful arraignment or floral plant 

[occasionalrain]

Since the dinner is being ordered from a restaurant, and in the past when going to a restaurant together everyone paid for themselves, the time to bring up sharing the cost was at the time of the invitation. It's a bit late now, but I think you can get around that by assuming that since it's from a restaurant that everyone pays for themselves. Other than the location, the situation is the same. So, with that in mind, just ask what you owe for your share. If they decline, ask about bring dessert, drinks. I would bring flowers and a hostess gift, but definitely not a gift card.

[Snooky60]

@Krimpette - I agree- a gift card from that restaurant would be great and I think appreciated.💗

[on the bay]

@occasionalrain,

That's a good point in that it might not matter that it is at their home, it is still from a restaurant where if we were there we all would have shared the cost.

Now, I'm not sure.

[Sooner]

Please call up the host and say "I'm not cooking and I'm so happy about that, but I would absolutely love to chip in (maybe name an amount) for the meal.  It would be so kind to let me do this because then I'd feel like I had a part in this celebration.  Would you let me do that please?"

If they say no, go an forget about it. But write a lovely note or maybe bring or send flowers after. 

Just ask people what they want and be gracious enough to let them decide--be it a gift, contribution or whatever!