Speaking of Thanksgiving dinner charges-What do you think of this?

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

After our long going thread about the Thnksgvg dinner charges, I was wondering-

We are going to my daughters inlaws

for thanksgiving and they are ordering in from a favorite restaurant of all of ours.

I have in years past with close family and other inlaws given some money to contribute. Sometimes as a family when we were young we all agreed to chip in.

This time of course was never asked or mentioned (unlike that other thread!) and we haven't in the past, but now I'm wondering if it would be insulting or if it would be appreciated.

Though people usually say, oh no you don't need to but it's not like they are rich or anything.

I think I am leaning toward at least giving them some and they can take or refuse. Usually I'm not so indecisive. We have had many enjoyable times with them and they have eaten with us before but we haven't seen them much since covd.

Money has never been exchanged before however. When we've gone out we all pay for ourselves.

Any feelings about this?

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@on the bay I think the least embarrassing way is to have your daughter or perhaps. your SIL (it's his parents) sound out the in laws and ask if they would accept a contribution or if they would like you to bring some kind of a dessert.

That's the only thing I can think of. I appreciate that you are being considerate.

I think it's nice that you want to chip in. If they don't want anything perhaps take them a small house plant or something as a hostess/host gift.

Edited to add: I've changed my mind and agree with snshine45 who posted below. Don't ask to contribute money but a dessert, appetizer, etc.

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

this is just me, but i would NEVER ask anyone to pay for their meal if i had invited them to my home for a holiday or just a regular gathering/party. it is not even something i have ever considered.

offers of help are perfectly fine......bake or buy a dessert, offer an appetizer, make a soup, bring the booze/wine, or even take a hostess gift.

making a planned decision to go out as a group or family and share the expenses is a different story, but if i could not afford to entertain in my own home, then i wouldnt.

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

Would chip in to defray costs. I find it silly to say that you are a guest and the host should foot the whole bill. Had you gone out you would have paid for your meals. Even if they say no if asked, I would give them a card with cash in it. It is about the company and the holiday.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

Bri369 · ‎11-03-2018

@sunshine45 wrote:
this is just me, but i would NEVER ask anyone to pay for their meal if i had invited them to my home for a holiday or just a regular gathering/party. it is not even something i have ever considered.

offers of help are perfectly fine......bake or buy a dessert, offer an appetizer, make a soup, bring the booze/wine, or even take a hostess gift.

making a planned decision to go out as a group or family and share the expenses is a different story, but if i could not afford to entertain in my own home, then i wouldnt.

These are my feelings also

PA Mom-mom · ‎05-27-2015

@on the bay I agree with @Love my grandkids . Ask to bring a dessert or bring a hostess gift and maybe something for the in-laws to take home (Christmas ornament or chocolate) as a thank-you. If you are generous to your daughter and son-in-law throughout the year, I'm sure they appreciate it. Also, you could reciprocate next year.

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@on the bay @sunshine45 I am re-thinking my post.

I've changed my mind for the reasons sunshine 45 stated.

Don't ask to chip in. IMO if you can't afford to feed your guests don't invite them.

I appreciate other points of view!

Solar Is My Name · ‎03-09-2010

I would definitely have a discussion with your daughter (and maybe SIL). Feel them out as to how they think the in-laws would feel about any monetary contribution.

If you all think they would be surprised and perhaps even offended or uncomfortable with a monetary contribution, then perhaps you could give them a Thanksgiving card with a small gift card inside.

Happy Holidays!

-Solar