Community Chat

[LilacTree]

I saw this in a post this morning and can't remember where.  However, it struck a cord in me, as it is so true of one member of my family, and I find it so sad and tragic.  I do love her, but she won't accept it, and I don't think she has it in her to love me back.

There is one exception, she does love her two children, even though she is hard on them.  I have often found comfort in that.

[sam96]

I have a family member that is extremely difficult to love.  We all try, but she just persists in making it difficult for all of us.

Thankfully her only child is an adult now, and is happy and well adjusted.  

[LilacTree]

Her own children are adults now also, 24 and 26.  I do believe they both love their mother, but I don't know if one of them is "well adjusted."  I do think the other one is.

[sam96]

I haven't spoken with my family member in well over a year.  I love her, and she knows it, but I don't particularly like her.

There's a big difference!

[LilacTree]

---

@sam96 wrote:

I haven't spoken with my family member in well over a year.  I love her, and she knows it, but I don't particularly like her.

There's a big difference!

---

I understand that so well. 

[chickenbutt]

When I read this thread title I actually cried.  I knew exactly who this applied to in my life - ME.

I grew up just trying to survive, so I'm very much non-trusting.  It's like you end up feeling that if somebody is 'being nice' to you they want to take something from you.  It takes a lot to trust but even when you do, you maintain a certain amount of distance.   You've learned that you have to - in the name of survival. 

Anyway, cry me a river - right?     I guess it just goes to show that we are all so different inside and all the elements in our lives so far have gone together to create who we become. 

[sam96]

---

@chickenbutt wrote:

When I read this thread title I actually cried.  I knew exactly who this applied to in my life - ME.

I grew up just trying to survive, so I'm very much non-trusting.  It's like you end up feeling that if somebody is 'being nice' to you they want to take something from you.  It takes a lot to trust but even when you do, you maintain a certain amount of distance.   You've learned that you have to - in the name of survival. 

Anyway, cry me a river - right?     I guess it just goes to show that we are all so different inside and all the elements in our lives so far have gone together to create who we become. 

---

❤️

We all walk a very unique path in life, and none of us can ever truly appreciate what another experiences!

[kittymomNC]

---

chickenbutt wrote:

When I read this thread title I actually cried.  I knew exactly who this applied to in my life - ME.

I grew up just trying to survive, so I'm very much non-trusting.  It's like you end up feeling that if somebody is 'being nice' to you they want to take something from you.  It takes a lot to trust but even when you do, you maintain a certain amount of distance.   You've learned that you have to - in the name of survival. 

Anyway, cry me a river - right?     I guess it just goes to show that we are all so different inside and all the elements in our lives so far have gone together to create who we become. 

---

CB, your post brought tears to my eyes...  I've read some of your story and thank you for being brave enough to share it with others here.  Everyone has such different stories, but the emotional consequences can be very similar.  I've never had to deal with what you have, but for other reasons, please know that I do understand a lot of what you feel, at least the part you have been able to allow us to know.  

For what it's worth, and only from what I know of you on these boards, you wouldn't be hard for someone to love! 

ETA:  Not referring to anything said on this thread, I just want to say that I try never to jump to conclusions and judge anyone because I don't know where they've been or what's in their head or heart, or why, and I don't want anyone to do it to me. "Don't judge me until you've walked in my shoes"... I guess sometimes we just have to love someone in spite of themselves...

[Snowpuppy]

I don't think it's necessarily wrong to keep your guard up, even with family members.

How many of us have had the "I'll love you IF".............you cook, clean, loan me money, watch my kids, take in the relative I don't want to be bothered with, call you at all hours, loan your car, clothes, give them a place to stay, "help" them endlessly......

And after you do all that,  they'll consider "loving" you. After all, we're "family" so it's not abuse or being taken advantage of.

[LTT1]

@chickenbutt  I am so very sorry that you grew up feeling this way.  You must have a very good perspective on children/teens who are this way.

In teaching... this was the phrase that we often heard at in-services (training sessions).  This was SO TRUE.  There are still some students in my mind that I am trying to love in my heart.  I keep telling myself that being difficult to love could be attributed to their home environment.  Oh, my, the smart girl who did not care about her studies; the mentally disturbed boy whose home-life was senseless (he was easy to love and so was the girl).  The ones who were difficult usually had physical issues, too.

When I have been lucky enough to see some at the young adult maturity level, it is clear that they "morphed" into very pleasant young adults... and they seemed to know that I cared. hopefully