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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,230
Registered: ‎11-15-2011

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality

If HE dies, HE won't be the one worrying about it!  That's how some people think.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality

[ Edited ]

I have had a will and notarized letters to each of my daughters detailing my wishes since my early 50s.  I also have a life insurance policy that it is possible I will outlive, and I am horrified at the thought of outliving it.  I want my children to have these benefits.

 

I am afraid of death, but I accept it as the total end of life.  I do not believe in an afterlife.  I'm envious of those who do, perhaps it makes the fear less.  I have no problem discussing my death with my children.  In fact, sometimes we joke about it. 

 

I have lived what I consider to be a long life.  Many of my friends and family are already gone.  I am fortunate.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,655
Registered: ‎06-29-2010

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality

Reminds me to take care of this subject soon.  We are not getting younger and it is something that can be done to have some peace of mind.  My husband knows what my requests are, and I know his.  We never had children so it's up to us to be responsible in taking care of this subject. 

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust
Valued Contributor
Posts: 536
Registered: ‎05-05-2015

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality

My grandmother was one of those planner types...she had everything taken care of, including her marker, from the time she was in her late 50's!  My grandfather used to tease her about it, but secretly I think he was glad he didn't have to worry about any of that himself, as he never liked to talk about it.  She did all the planning, and he just signed the paperwork.  It worked for them!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,328
Registered: ‎04-05-2010

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality

I know some people like your DH...it's really hard to change their minds!

 

We did our wills when we reached our 50's...about 10 years ago. We have no children, so, in the event we died together, everything went to our parents. Only one parent is left, now, so we've been discussing updating our wills, but trying to decide beneficiaries is tough, especially since we're not particularly close with our nieces/nephews---love them, sure, but don't interact really except at holiday gatherings. We've about decided that, should we go at the same time, we will leave everything to our church, except for some personal items.

 

We bought cemetery plots years ago, when a new section was opened in our church cemetery. I find great comfort in knowing that I will be buried in a place that I love!

 

This thread has made me think, though...we need to do Living Wills, POA's, etc. We know each other's wishes, but it's best to make it all legal.

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,433
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality

My grandmother had a box underneath her bed with all of her burial clothes inside to include a hankerchief, panty hose, shoes and a rosary.

 

She had her headstone already pre-carved and the only thing left to add was the year.

 

She made sure everyone knew her wishes and it made it easy. My mother told me exactly what she wanted so I knew just what to do.

 

I like the estate firm I used for my mother's estate, and I plan to set up an appointment soon to draft my paperwork. As a person who recently had to close out an estate, if you don't have legal papers drafted, you or someone in your family is going to have to deal with a  big mess.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,433
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality

When I was talking with the estate attorney, I learned that you need to update your will every few years to make sure it is up to date and the people on the will should still be on there.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 536
Registered: ‎05-05-2015

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality


@flickerbulb wrote:

My grandmother had a box underneath her bed with all of her burial clothes inside to include a hankerchief, panty hose, shoes and a rosary.

 

She had her headstone already pre-carved and the only thing left to add was the year.

 

She made sure everyone knew her wishes and it made it easy. My mother told me exactly what she wanted so I knew just what to do.

 

I like the estate firm I used for my mother's estate, and I plan to set up an appointment soon to draft my paperwork. As a person who recently had to close out an estate, if you don't have legal papers drafted, you or someone in your family is going to have to deal with a  big mess.


 

flickerbulb...my grandmother took it one step further and had her marker placed on her plot after she bought it and had her mother buried in the plot adjoining!  It had her name and year of birth, and the space for the year of death.  She wanted all of them to "match"!

 

Every time we went out to place flowers for my great grandmother I'd tell my grandmother it bothered me to see her marker already and she'd just laugh!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,323
Registered: ‎09-24-2011

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality

One's mortality is a tough thing to face.  But, it's a fact of life.  I had a living trust set up when I suddenly was faced with taking care of my mother:  concerned about her well-being, had a 100K life ins policy from co I retired from and made arrangements that she would be cared for in a very good assisted living community.  (She had fallen down the celr stairs and broke her neck; after the operation, she had a minimal sense of balance - so had to have someone with her always.)  Now, it's only me and my dog (never been lucky in love - last one had to tell him me and Mum were a pkg deal and c/n move to FL).  My friends are financially well off; and, most of the family members are better off than me now: also was kinda left on my own when taking care of my Mum;  so, I've decided to take a reverse mtge when the time is right; when I'm gone, have property auctioned off and all proceeds to go to animal rescue - just have to figure out which ones to donate to (any suggestions?).  Anyways, this thread reminded me that I should get all funeral arrangements (already have two spaces left in mausoleum - lost a baby boy, but his casket is on top of my Dad's) made,  and redo the trust (that'll be costly).  Seems that stuff's is on my bucket list, but never gets done!  Guess perhaps, I'm procrastinating sort of like your husband.  Anyways, thanks for this post:  guess I'm not alone.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,580
Registered: ‎06-15-2015

Re: Sometimes people can't face their own mortality

 

 

Who wants to face their mortality? The sooner in life one accepts the "cycle of life", which includes dying, the easier it is as age sets in.

 

I personally don't understand your husband saying yes and then canceling. Ignoring inevitable events to me makes no sense as some things one can dismiss, dying is not 1 of them.

 

Other than him seeking a mental health professional? If he won't go, go alone and get it done. Who knows their day? I certainly don't, but I do not try to run away from reality.

 

Do what YOU need to do. He is a big boy now and let him be responsible, as he should, for himself. Time he faces reality and he needs professional help to do so? Let him make and cancel, if he wishes, his own appointments.

 

Some men, and I have met many, act like babies!


@151949 wrote:

Because we are getting up in years and DH has already had a small stroke, and we don't have any children to look after things for us, I thought it would be a good idea for us to preplan our funerals. DH agreed. We made an appointment to do this today. My DH has become more and more stressed over this as the day gets closer and by today he was just driving me crazy about not wanting to go. So I gave him the number and said to call and cancel.He just can't seem to face his inevitable mortality. I also was asking him to see our attorney and make up POA and living wills as well as actual wills. I doubt I will ever get him to go do that.It stresses him to no end to think about this. So , should I die first or if we would both die together, our affairs will be a total mess. 

As soon as he made that call to cancel this appointment he changed from being like a too tightly wound spring to relaxed and happy instantly. I think his plan is to just live forever.


 

hckynut(john)