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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,807
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: So What Happens after YOU die?

@geezerette, thank you so much for the reply.....DH does not care what I do....it is just harder (well I think it is) when you have no children, although I am fairly close with DH's kids.....and I do have two very, very good friends that will be a support system for me......

 

I am one of those people that likes to have her 'ducks in a row' and be prepared.  I make it sound like hubby has one foot in the grave he does not,  we are both very healthy (he will be 78 later this year) I am not yet medicare age.

 

I am sorry for your loss and hope that you are doing well, again thank you for sharing.

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Posts: 5,596
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: So What Happens after YOU die?

[ Edited ]

@momtodogs

 

Thank you for you concern.❤️

 

I'm also one who likes things planned and certain.  DH planned to a degree, but laughed at my idea that anything in life is certain.  Turns out he did have the last laugh on that one! 😄  

 

It’s something to think about, but not dwell on.  If it does happen, and I hope and pray it doesn’t for you, you’ll just play by ear what isn’t already planned.  You never really know how you’ll feel until and unless it happens.  I’m doing a lot of things I said I never would or could.

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Registered: ‎07-02-2015

Re: So What Happens after YOU die?

[ Edited ]

@SeaMaiden

 

I agree with @tansy.

 

If you don't designate a worthy cause  or beloved institution or individual  to receive what you leave behind, it will "escheat" by default to your state.   And this will happen only  after what probably will be a long, drawn-out probate process involving legal fees, red tape and bureaucracy.

 

Do you love your state government and feel that its leaders will spend wisely any money you leave for them?

 

One definition of "escheat" is.............."a hidden tax on those who die without designated heirs".

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Posts: 405
Registered: ‎03-25-2010

Re: So What Happens after YOU die?

Gidgetgh, oh I have told them many times but they want to sort it before donating / keeping etc.  They never have time.  I learned long ago you cannot force another person to do what you want .  So I will do my best to come back and watch them after I pass.  I may even cackle and haunt them a bit while they do it.

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Posts: 9,184
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: So What Happens after YOU die?


@lilypadfrog wrote:

Gidgetgh, oh I have told them many times but they want to sort it before donating / keeping etc.  They never have time.  I learned long ago you cannot force another person to do what you want .  So I will do my best to come back and watch them after I pass.  I may even cackle and haunt them a bit while they do it.


 

 

@lilypadfrog- you’re a nicer person than I am. If it’s my house and they kept saying they didn’t have time and this has been going on for years, those things would be gone. Just speaking for me of course, but I don’t put up with that.  My house, my rules. 


Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?
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Posts: 17,688
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: So What Happens after YOU die?


@novamc wrote:

@SeaMaiden

 

I agree with @tansy.

 

If you don't designate a worthy cause  or beloved institution or individual  to receive what you leave behind, it will "escheat" by default to your state.   And this will happen only  after what probably will be a long, drawn-out probate process involving legal fees, red tape and bureaucracy.

 

Do you love your state government and feel that its leaders will spend wisely any money you leave for them?

 

One definition of "escheat" is.............."a hidden tax on those who die without designated heirs".


@novamc   I will be dead....I really could care less what happens to my stuff or money after the fact....maybe I will give it to the last person who is with me on my death bed...the nurse or caretaker.   I will not be worrying about taxes or such.  Not my concern right now.

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Re: So What Happens after YOU die?

[ Edited ]

@gidgetgh

 

I was waiting to see how @lilypadfrog replied. 

 

I will add that I never was "nice" to my kids about getting their stuff out of the house.  I mean, did they think we were running a free permanent storage facility?

 

However, if you haven't walked the mile with young adults who might or might not be permanently settled in their own homes, you cannot believe the pushback you will get from them when you suggest that they take on the storage issues that their parents have been handling since they were born.

 

A parent can ask.  A parent can't move an immovable object, which in my case was two sons.  Eventually, it can happen, however  when circumstances force the issue and create the necessary change in attitudes..  

 

It also helps that the kids get a little older, think back on some of their treasured items from their younger years and begin to focus on the value, because there's always the threat that Mom will throw out their stuff!!  LOL!

 

I had to  finesse  my way out of being asked "what happened to such-and-such an item" that they suddenly remember.  I had actually thrown it out.........but hey, Mom gets to fudge things once in a while and remind the kids  that those items which belonged to them should have been kept by them, and how can they expect me to keep track of their junk..........right???

 

Ahem...............

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Posts: 5,596
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: So What Happens after YOU die?


@SeaMaiden wrote:

@novamc wrote:

@SeaMaiden

 

I agree with @tansy.

 

If you don't designate a worthy cause  or beloved institution or individual  to receive what you leave behind, it will "escheat" by default to your state.   And this will happen only  after what probably will be a long, drawn-out probate process involving legal fees, red tape and bureaucracy.

 

Do you love your state government and feel that its leaders will spend wisely any money you leave for them?

 

One definition of "escheat" is.............."a hidden tax on those who die without designated heirs".


@novamc   I will be dead....I really could care less what happens to my stuff or money after the fact....maybe I will give it to the last person who is with me on my death bed...the nurse or caretaker.   I will not be worrying about taxes or such.  Not my concern right now.


That’s exactly how I felt.  And exactly what I ended up doing.  

 

My biggest beneficiaries are the people who have been here for me through it all and who continue to help me daily.  

 

And they're not relatives.

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Posts: 9,184
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: So What Happens after YOU die?


@novamc wrote:

@gidgetgh

 

I was waiting to see how @lilypadfrog replied. 

 

I will add that I never was "nice" to my kids about getting their stuff out of the house.  I mean, did they think we were running a free permanent storage facility?

 

However, if you haven't walked the mile with young adults who might or might not be permanently settled in their own homes, you cannot believe the pushback you will get from them when you suggest that they take on the storage issues that their parents have been handling since they were born.

 

A parent can ask.  A parent can't move an immovable object, which in my case was two sons.  Eventually, it can happen, however  when circumstances force the issue and creates the necessary change.  

 

It also helps that the kids get a little older, think back on some of their treasured items from their younger years and begin to focus on the value, because there's always the threat that Mom will throw out their stuff!!  LOL!


 

 

@novamc- again, I always speak just for me, but if it were my house, I’d get rid of the stuff. I just would. 

 

When we were doing our basement cleanout last month, my husband mentioned that one of his sons had expressed interest years ago in a cabinet down there. I took a picture of it, texted it to him and said do you still want it?  He said yes and I said when can you come get it and he said the next weekend. I said that’s great, but if it’s still there come the next Monday, out it goes. He came and got it. 


Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?
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Posts: 6,277
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: So What Happens after YOU die?

DH and I got all the paperwork done years ago.  When he passed, I didn't have the paperwork nightmare that I've read about so often from other widows.  We had already decided on cremation.  The rest...I just did what I thought I should do.

 

Since then I've updated things and those behind me should have no paperwork problem either.  I do need to make a list of accounts and make my passwords less cryptic.  Sometimes even I can't figure them out.  My arrangements are made and paid for.  Like so many are choosing these days, I want no service.

 

 

*********************
Keepin' it real.