Community Chat

[Irshgrl31201]

I don't think it is a matter of "this generation" type of thing. I think it is a matter of those that raised them, that is the generation that is to blame. I think a lot of parents (baby boomers) were expected to do quite a bit more than younger generations are and they did a lot more for their kids to make it easier for them, as most parents want to. In many different ways, not just thank you notes. 

For me, I was raised to write thank you notes. My parents didn't grow up with a lot and anytime someone went out of their way to give them something, their parents demanded it. My parents felt the same way and I can remember from a young age we were each given our individual thank you notes with our names printed on them. They were blank on the inside and we were expected to write a note, thanking them for what we received and a short note telling them how we really appreciated it and how we would be using it, if applicable. 

I did the same for my daughter and my own thank you notes got a little fancier. I happen to like monogramming and we would each chose the colors we like and the monogramming style we liked. I explained to my daughter why it was important to send a note of appreciation. This person went to the time and expense of going shopping, picking out a gift (or check/gift card) and mailing it. It certainly wasn't required that they took the time to do that and at the very least she should do is acknowledge that.

She is 27 and I STILL ask her if she mailed out thank yous. I don't know why I still do that but it is a habit. She will laugh and say something smart like yes Mommy Dearest. When she got married I know a lot of people said she had a year to send them out. I personally think that is nonsense. She had them out within 2 months, though she didn't have a huge wedding. If she would have had more than 125 I am sure she would have taken longer. She now has a 2 yr old son and she got him his own monogrammed thank you notes with his initials and his favorite Brown Bear characters on it. Of course he doesn't write a personal note but she does with each gift and she lets him do some "art work" with his colored pencils. She explains to him why they are sending it and right now he probably isn't completely understanding but he will with repetition. 

Good manners are never out of style. Appreciation is never out of style. I am not saying that they need to be sent for every single thing under the sun and sometimes an email or phone call is appropriate but if someone sends a gift for birthdays/wedding etc... in my family it is lazy and unappreciative not to. It takes about 5 minutes to write a note, put a stamp on it and put it in the mailbox. I don't get in a tizzy about a lot of things and I have always picked my battles with my daughter but I think that is one thing that is very important and to tell you the truth my daughter would probably be afraid NOT to send a thank you note even after I die for fear i would haunt her. 

[GATORGIRL]

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@Noel7 wrote:

Law offices and corporations in the Bay Area send many of their up and coming employees to manners classes.  It's a real business in and of itself.

I suppose it's a good idea since many of them probably don't even know which fork to use or that you don't sit until others do in some situations, things like that.

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@Noel7

Interesting.  I wonder how many of these up and coming employees had the knowledge, motivation, and/or professional courtesy to write a follow-up note (a "thank-you for the opportunity" acknowledgement) after their job interviews with the companies who ultimately hired them?

[Bridgegal]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

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@abbeythe 8th wrote:

I like to give gifts and usually put a lot of thought into them.  More often than not, I do not receive a thank you note.  It bothered me a great deal.  On a few occasions I've called and asked if they received the gift.

I've decided I do not give a gift for a thank note.  I will continue to give gifts knowing there's a good chance I will not receive a thank you note.

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I am the same way. I give for the joy of giving, and not for some thank-you written on fancy stationery or card.

If they thank me in person, phone, e-mail, or text, that's good enough for me.

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      I don't need a thank you written on fancy paper either but I do want to know if the gift I bought and mailed 1/2 way across the country actually arrived.  I'm happy with a text, email, phone call , whatever as long as I know it got there.

[SunValley]

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@Kachina624 wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

Law offices and corporations in the Bay Area send many of their up and coming employees to manners classes.  It's a real business in and of itself.

I suppose it's a good idea since many of them probably don't even know which fork to use or that you don't sit until others do in some situations, things like that.

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It's pathetic they find it necessary to do this but sadly it's true that many people eat like pigs.  Go to any restaurant and look around.  It most definitely would affect how one is viewed in the business world.  You just cannot act like you just blew into town riding in a pumpkin wagon if you expect to impress anyone.

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@Kachina624 and they better wear the right outfit for that pumpkin wagon ride! The Q can help out the gals with that...

Seriously, some need help. One gal in our office basically wore her bra with a skimpy spaghetti-strap T that covered nothing. The poor dept head (male) was tasked with making her comply with the dress code. He never made any progress and finally reassigned her to a project site. That's a whole other story.

[Sister Golden Hair]

This has happened three different times with the same person.

Graduation, marriage and baby gifts. I finally had to ask his Mother.

Never again!

[Noel7]

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@GATORGIRL wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

Law offices and corporations in the Bay Area send many of their up and coming employees to manners classes.  It's a real business in and of itself.

I suppose it's a good idea since many of them probably don't even know which fork to use or that you don't sit until others do in some situations, things like that.

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@Noel7

Interesting.  I wonder how many of these up and coming employees had the knowledge, motivation, and/or professional courtesy to write a follow-up note (a "thank-you for the opportunity" acknowledgement) after their job interviews with the companies who ultimately hired them?

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Hi GATORGIRL 

I don't know but I've read those classes cover everything.  They also have them now for children.

[Noel7]

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@Kachina624 wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

Law offices and corporations in the Bay Area send many of their up and coming employees to manners classes.  It's a real business in and of itself.

I suppose it's a good idea since many of them probably don't even know which fork to use or that you don't sit until others do in some situations, things like that.

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It's pathetic they find it necessary to do this but sadly it's true that many people eat like pigs.  Go to any restaurant and look around.  It most definitely would affect how one is viewed in the business world.  You just cannot act like you just blew into town riding in a pumpkin wagon if you expect to impress anyone.

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@Kachina624

The woman I mentioned earlier, well traveled, well educated, ate with her hands... in public no less!  Her son did also as a child.  Blew me away.

[Annabellethecat66]

I'm not surprised some people don't understand what it's about.  It's not about getting 'some fancy notes' or whatever it's been called.

It's about taking the time to acknowledge a kindness that was shown to someone.  It's not about the gift (often with me there is no gift).

When we took our daughters on vacations, they'd write a little thank you note, a few lines on a piece of paper saying what was their favorite thing and thanks.  That's all.

If a person doesn't understand what a thank you note represents then no trying to explain will ever make them understand.

I give from my heart.  I put a lot of thought into whatever I do (be it a gift or something special, whatever).  I'd like for someone to say, "Hey!  I noticed you gave your time (or whatever)".

Again, it's not about writing on fancy paper, it takes time to put a freaking stamp on something and mail it.  Just like it took my time to do the act of kindness or whatever it is.

It doesn't always have to be a written note, but that's nice.  You can't tell me you don't enjoy getting a thank you note in the mail?  Do you enjoy birthday cards?

Most people do acts of kindness and give gifts because it makes them feel good.  It also makes them feel good to have it acknowledged.  

As I stated, this is my big pet peeve.  People who know me know this.  I just recently had a friend make an afghan for a young woman at my bank.  She'd had a baby 1 1/2 years ago.  At the time I'd had this same friend make an afghan for this person.  I gave it to a co-worker to give to her as she was out on maternity leave.  I didn't hear anything for about 7 or 8 months.  Finally, I asked her if she liked the afghan, turns out she never got it.

So I just had another made for her.  She was so happy!  She sent me a thank you note and a picture of her little girl with it.  That was very nice.  She will treasure that keepsake, I know that, I know she appreciated it, but it was special getting the thank you note and the picture was extra.

Anyway, where my daughter lives everyone gives out thank you notes.  The teenagers, etc.  Every birthday gift given is acknowledged.  It's just the way all of us were raised I guess.

If someone doesn't understand, it is impossible to make them understand.

[Peaches McPhee]

OP, why are you using so many quotation marks?

[Irshgrl31201]

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@Noel7 wrote:

Law offices and corporations in the Bay Area send many of their up and coming employees to manners classes.  It's a real business in and of itself.

I suppose it's a good idea since many of them probably don't even know which fork to use or that you don't sit until others do in some situations, things like that.

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A lot of businesses around here are doing the same exact thing. My husbands business did this with all new hires.

Several years ago I advised a friend who had an interview for a job she really wanted to send a thank you note for their time and consideration and she laughed at that suggestion. She had never heard of such a thing. Several months later she actually apologized to me after talking to many people about the same thing.

I think schools do not do enough regarding this. They don't have to have a super involved course but a refresher should be mandatory. It is a very important part of business and socializing for business.

As for table manners, my parents sent us all to table etiquette classes (American and Continental) when we were younger. I never understood why when I was a kid because I knew very few other kids who had to do the same. I ended up seeing the value when I got older and sent my daughter too. Table manners are so important. Eating out for business is an important part of my husbands job and I can tell you there have been a few of his colleagues who have lost out because they didn't feel they were up to snuff regarding that. I watched an interview with LL Cool J and he was speaking about the importance of it and he sent all of his kids as well. He said you can see grow up with tons of money but don't know how to hold a fork or act at the table and I totally agree.