Community Chat

[Akane]

I give a gift because I want to. Not because I expect to be appreciated. Can't believe some of the huffy responses here saying they won't give anymore. It wasn't from the heart then. 

[ECBG]

Our Dil had our first grandson and my "second mom" a former county commishoner for twenty years had her shower at her lovely home.  Dil didn't send thank you notes for the shower OR the gifts! even though I brought up the subject many times!~!!

I wrote them myself for the shower but I didn't have the gift list which she had LOST!!!!

I found out she was deserted by her mother at five and reared by her father. 

She's a dear soul but...this is an "area"!

[mac116]

I have 2 examples. My 89 year old mother-in-law has NEVER said thank you for any gift. Over 45 years of this treatment.  She lives 800 miles away. When we ask if she has received a gift she says, "Yes"  Never thank you.  Even when we give her a gift in person, no thank you. 

We went to 2 HS graduation parties  this year.  In one case, the check did not clear the bank until we had  received a thank you note.  In the other  case, the check cleared the bank in 2 days...no thank you at all.

[Noel7]

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@Akane wrote:

I give a gift because I want to. Not because I expect to be appreciated. Can't believe some of the huffy responses here saying they won't give anymore. It wasn't from the heart then. 

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@Akane

Does that mean you don't bother with thank you's either?

[Noel7]

Getting a thank you card isn't always about being appreciated, it's about being acknowledged. 

You send a gift, you expect to hear back one way or another that it has been received and the sender acknowledged.

But why not let someone know you appreciate their time, effort, consideration and generosity?

If someone can't see the importance of that, I question if they appreciate others at all.

[Moonchilde]

There have been so many different threads on this same topic I had to check to see if this was an old one just resurrected for some reason. But no - just current outrage.

If people are disrespectful because they don't send written thank-you notes, then GUILTY. I have arthritis in my fingers, my handwriting sucks, and I do not hand write anything more than I absolutely have to. If someone thinks that's disrespectful, I.don't.care.

I DO, however, think it's atrocious to not THANK someone, period. In person, on the phone, in an email or text - there are ways. AFAIC the important think is the thanks, not the method of delivery. But anyone who thinks my thank you is worthless because it wasn't hand-written can kiss my grits.

[proudlyfromNJ]

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@Akane wrote:

I give a gift because I want to. Not because I expect to be appreciated. Can't believe some of the huffy responses here saying they won't give anymore. It wasn't from the heart then. 

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Well, after 26 years for a birthday and Christmas and never an acknowledgment, heck no! I'm not giving anymore! 

[Irshgrl31201]

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@Annabellethecat66 wrote:

I'm not surprised some people don't understand what it's about.  It's not about getting 'some fancy notes' or whatever it's been called.

It's about taking the time to acknowledge a kindness that was shown to someone.  It's not about the gift (often with me there is no gift).

When we took our daughters on vacations, they'd write a little thank you note, a few lines on a piece of paper saying what was their favorite thing and thanks.  That's all.

If a person doesn't understand what a thank you note represents then no trying to explain will ever make them understand.

I give from my heart.  I put a lot of thought into whatever I do (be it a gift or something special, whatever).  I'd like for someone to say, "Hey!  I noticed you gave your time (or whatever)".

Again, it's not about writing on fancy paper, it takes time to put a freaking stamp on something and mail it.  Just like it took my time to do the act of kindness or whatever it is.

It doesn't always have to be a written note, but that's nice.  You can't tell me you don't enjoy getting a thank you note in the mail?  Do you enjoy birthday cards?

Most people do acts of kindness and give gifts because it makes them feel good.  It also makes them feel good to have it acknowledged.  

As I stated, this is my big pet peeve.  People who know me know this.  I just recently had a friend make an afghan for a young woman at my bank.  She'd had a baby 1 1/2 years ago.  At the time I'd had this same friend make an afghan for this person.  I gave it to a co-worker to give to her as she was out on maternity leave.  I didn't hear anything for about 7 or 8 months.  Finally, I asked her if she liked the afghan, turns out she never got it.

So I just had another made for her.  She was so happy!  She sent me a thank you note and a picture of her little girl with it.  That was very nice.  She will treasure that keepsake, I know that, I know she appreciated it, but it was special getting the thank you note and the picture was extra.

Anyway, where my daughter lives everyone gives out thank you notes.  The teenagers, etc.  Every birthday gift given is acknowledged.  It's just the way all of us were raised I guess.

If someone doesn't understand, it is impossible to make them understand.

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Exactly. It doesn't need to be on a fancy thank you note, a simple piece of paper is fine. While calls and emails are ok, the time taken to write an actual thank you note is something special and a step beyond. A person who goes out of their way to send gift or whatever reason deserves that IMO. It is special to get an actual acknowledgement in the mail and it sticks with the person who receives it. It absolutely does. No one is saying the person giving does it for any other reason than they really wanted to. No one does that to get a thank you note, that is ridiculous. It is just nice to get one. You're right, if they don't understand the difference, they likely never will understand.

[proudlyfromNJ]

Being told by a parent to write a note or at least acknowledge the gift doesn't always work. At least with my niece it never did. So it isn't always "how you were raised". 

[NicksmomESQ]

    I agree young people today expect a lot but don't know how to say thank-you!! I also agree that it's the parents fault! I always remind my son to reach out & thank those that are kind enough to give him gifts.He always calls,texts, or emails his thank-you's!!

    I'm always invited to people's celebrations.Whether I attend or not I always give a generous gift.I never get any kind of thank-you!! I recently had to call a bride to see if she got  the expensive china I sent her.I left a message on her answering machine.She never called me back!! 

    My husband is so fed up with this lack of respect that he thinks we should stop being so generous!! I think he's right!!