Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!! - Page 5

kdgn · ‎03-09-2010

Madisson: I think you are making the best decision for both you and your mother. I wish you the best and most of all, peace of mind.

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

On 1/9/2015 Marienkaefer2 said:
On 1/9/2015 Teacups said:
On 1/9/2015 terrier3 said:
How sad.

My mom was a handful too and took great glee in insulting me to tears.

But she was my mother and I cared for her out of respect and didn't regret doing so. She had NO money - I supported her.

If your mom has dementia - how are her actions HER fault?

right on Terrier...I took care of my Mom and Step dad too. I am glad I did!

There are different ways of ""taking care of"" people. They are not turning her out in the street. They found a great place for her to live where she will be well cared for. I don't judge other families. I don't walk in their shoes.

I also had a difficult mother long before dementia set in. The thought that I was trying to manage her life in any way agitated her.

Qwackertoo · ‎03-11-2010

I think this is one of those walk a mile in your shoes . . . I recall my paternal grandmother was worst with the daughter who lived the closest and yet did the most for her due to her proximity . . . and it extended to the daughters children . . . hiding candy and cokes from them . . . it was sad. Thankfully all 4 living children took turns, including those who lived hours away, and gave their full support until then end.

JustJazzmom · ‎03-09-2010

When it becomes impossible for a child to care for an elderly parent, I thank goodness that there are facilities available for our parents to be in.

I'm glad that you are able to transfer your Mom to assisted living. Pay no attention to the naysayers. You did what is best for yourself AND your Mom. Being a caregiver is not an easy job and it IS a JOB. Burning out from that is not beneficial to anyone.

We are definitely the 'sandwich generation'-- caring for our parents and for our children as well as ourselves.

☼The best place to seek God is in a garden. You can dig for him there. GBShaw☼

september · ‎03-09-2010

This is such a touchy subject, and of course many people take care of either their spouses or their parents at home....and I applaud them.

But every situation is different, and in some cases, getting outside care is the best decision for BOTH parties.

I feel that the OP has been very conflicted in what to do, and is just feeling a sense of relief that a solution has been found.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

I'm sorry to hear about your mother but I think you've made the best decision for your mom and your family. I'm sure it wasn't easy and you thought long and hard about it.

I'm going though my own problem with my mother right now. She's 88 and was in an accident early in November. While she was out a man who had been running tripped and fell on top of my mother bringing her down and injuring her. She has osteoporosis and as a result of her injuries got a split knee cap which is taking a long time to mend and a fractured neck which might never heal. Doctors have told her that she will probably need to wear a neck brace for the rest of her life! Because of this she needs help with the basics like dressing, bathing, housework and shopping.

This is all so very upsetting! Thank goodness her mind is clear. She lives in Florida and I'm up in Pa. My brother went down to help her for a while and after being in a rehab hospital she is back in her condo with a home health aide who lives with her. At first friends would visit but now she rarely sees anyone and she's getting lonely. I've suggested assisted living. There are some very nice places near her or she could come up here. However she's not interested.

I would even have her come live with me but our house just wouldn't work for her since it's a two story. Even if I made our family room which is on the first floor a bedroom for her one has to take several steps down to go in. It really wouldn't work and I know she wouldn't be happy here. I just don't know what the answer is. So for now she'll stay in her condo with her aide.

I do plan on taking her to visit some assisted living places when I see her over the winter just so she can see how they are. It's up to her though.

It's such a tough decision for everyone involved. I don't think you will regret it. You did what you had to do.

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

I'm so sorry, haddon9. What a freak accident with awful results for your mom. I hope the two of you can find a place where she'd be happy and not lonely.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

From the OP's posts it seems she's not, and never has been, fond of her mother. Of course her mother is aware that she's not a welcome addition to the family which explains her behavior. So, under the circumstances she's better off in assisted living than a home where she is unwanted.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

On 1/9/2015 tansy said:
I'm so sorry, haddon9. What a freak accident with awful results for your mom. I hope the two of you can find a place where she'd be happy and not lonely.

Thanks Tansy! I had been so grateful that my mom was doing very well. She was able to get around and do things for herself and her only problem was osteoporosis which made her somewhat fragile. She made a real effort to be very careful and tried hard not to fall...yet some idiot runs right into her and breaks her neck!

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

Well the OP's other sister who was taking care of her wouldn't keep her any more which is why she ended up with the OP. The mother certainly doesn't sound like any one that someone would want with them on a long term basis.