Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!! - Page 11

Madisson · ‎10-13-2011

Thank you, again, everyone! It's been an exhausting couple days, so I'm signing off early. Mom is beginning to like the idea of moving to assisted living...especially with her friends there telling her how great it is. I'm sure there will be an adjustment period though. We're taking her there to visit tomorrow.

Some people do drugs. I do shoes....Celine Dion

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

Madison, Thanks about my mom. I've decided for now to visit as many facilities up here within a reasonable drive from my home as I can over the next few weeks. Then when I go down to Fl I'll take her to see a few places near her and we'll take it from there.

Good luck with the visit tomorrow with your mom! I hope it will be a good match for her and she will be happy there.

Shorty2U · ‎03-09-2010

On 1/10/2015 KathyPet said: Shorty2u When your father fell and had to go into the rehab facility didn't you do a complete and thorough check on the place, get recommendations from his doctor and other health care providers on which rehab center was the best?? When he wasn't receiving rehab did you meet with the medical director of the facility to discuss their failure to provide proper rehab? Did you Involve your father's regular doctor in these discussions and express your concerns to him. ?You said that when you tried to move him to another facility they refused to allow the transfer. I have never heard of such a thing. They can't hold him prisoner if he or his family want to move him elsewhere.

His long time family Doctor sent him to this rehab/also a long care home for rehab after he was hospitalized from a FALL.. He NEVER had rehab. They made excuses, he wont do it he has dementia. We asked him (when he was still with it) and he said they never came for him to take him to rehab exercising.

And please don't say YOU. My sibling was in charge. When I called to ask questions I was told I am NOT in charge my sibling was the POA and they wouldn't even SPEAK to me!. Finally my sibling came around yes but it was awhile.

And the reason he couldn't leave there was NO OTHER PLACE that would take him and he needed FULL TIME CARE by then and they made him bed ridden and in diapers so I could not lift him. My sibling called every place he could no one would take him (switch him to their care). My brother paged the Dr and the Dr didn't even return my brothers calls! He ended up so bad that he was hospitalized and oh THEN a home would take him, a GOOD home but it was too late. He got sicker and died in no time.

So YES this is all the truth. My dad lived a nightmare and hes gone. We also hired a lawyer, and after them researching they would not take our case because the first home blamed my dad and said he had dementia and wouldn't co-operate when he was really so sick from THEIR treatment his kidneys failed. When my dad got there he was to get rehab, 8 months later he was dead. They also botched the records and covered up his records with LIES!

The only solace we get is, the lawyer we had researching and trying to help us who said we wont have a case, said he was suing the same place for another family who DID have a case because they let some man bleed (in the brain) to death and ignored this poor man from getting medical attention!

So yes this all happened. He was stuck there because he couldn't walk anymore and no one would take him till the fist place sent him back to the hospital.

The place he was in should be shut down. Since this happened we heard many other stories terrible stories. My sibling even called the STATE and reported the place and they went to check and the place covered everything up. We couldn't believe it.

So I have to live with the fact that I couldn't take care of my own father after he stood by me my whole life. Oh and my sibling, his wife wouldn't let him take him in. THEY could have taken care of him. But I DONT bring this up because whats done is done and my dad wouldn't want me fighting with my sibling. We were ALL close but I WISH my dad had put my in charge. But Im the youngest so I guess most back in the day put the oldest in charge. I don't know.

Im done talking about it Im getting all wound up and feel bad to spew on the OPs original thread.

Edited to add, the reason no other home would take him was medicare. Once he was RE hospitalized (half dead till then) then the GOOD home would take him. Sorry I got so wound up I forgot to add this earlier. It was about insurance when my sibling would call places this is what he was told.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make~ The Beatles

Bestdressed · ‎04-18-2010

Shorty...I am so sorry what your father (& you) experienced. I was the POA for my father and my siblings didn't help me at all. You must have been to he*ll & back trying to properly care for your father. I am sure you still have nightmares. I hope your lawyer is able to help...it won't bring back your father but they should pay dearly for the lack of care the gave your dear father.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

Madison, Come back after Mom has been their for a week,or so and let us know how she feels about it. Be prepared for a lot of complaints at first.

Pippy_1 · ‎12-31-2014

On 1/10/2015 Shorty2U said:
On 1/10/2015 KathyPet said: Shorty2u When your father fell and had to go into the rehab facility didn't you do a complete and thorough check on the place, get recommendations from his doctor and other health care providers on which rehab center was the best?? When he wasn't receiving rehab did you meet with the medical director of the facility to discuss their failure to provide proper rehab? Did you Involve your father's regular doctor in these discussions and express your concerns to him. ?You said that when you tried to move him to another facility they refused to allow the transfer. I have never heard of such a thing. They can't hold him prisoner if he or his family want to move him elsewhere.

His long time family Doctor sent him to this rehab/also a long care home for rehab after he was hospitalized from a FALL.. He NEVER had rehab. They made excuses, he wont do it he has dementia. We asked him (when he was still with it) and he said they never came for him to take him to rehab exercising.

And please don't say YOU. My sibling was in charge. When I called to ask questions I was told I am NOT in charge my sibling was the POA and they wouldn't even SPEAK to me!. Finally my sibling came around yes but it was awhile.

And the reason he couldn't leave there was NO OTHER PLACE that would take him and he needed FULL TIME CARE by then and they made him bed ridden and in diapers so I could not lift him. My sibling called every place he could no one would take him (switch him to their care). My brother paged the Dr and the Dr didn't even return my brothers calls! He ended up so bad that he was hospitalized and oh THEN a home would take him, a GOOD home but it was too late. He got sicker and died in no time.

So YES this is all the truth. My dad lived a nightmare and hes gone. We also hired a lawyer, and after them researching they would not take our case because the first home blamed my dad and said he had dementia and wouldn't co-operate when he was really so sick from THEIR treatment his kidneys failed. When my dad got there he was to get rehab, 8 months later he was dead. They also botched the records and covered up his records with LIES!

The only solace we get is, the lawyer we had researching and trying to help us who said we wont have a case, said he was suing the same place for another family who DID have a case because they let some man bleed (in the brain) to death and ignored this poor man from getting medical attention!

So yes this all happened. He was stuck there because he couldn't walk anymore and no one would take him till the fist place sent him back to the hospital.

The place he was in should be shut down. Since this happened we heard many other stories terrible stories. My sibling even called the STATE and reported the place and they went to check and the place covered everything up. We couldn't believe it.

So I have to live with the fact that I couldn't take care of my own father after he stood by me my whole life. Oh and my sibling, his wife wouldn't let him take him in. THEY could have taken care of him. But I DONT bring this up because whats done is done and my dad wouldn't want me fighting with my sibling. We were ALL close but I WISH my dad had put my in charge. But Im the youngest so I guess most back in the day put the oldest in charge. I don't know.

Im done talking about it Im getting all wound up and feel bad to spew on the OPs original thread.

Edited to add, the reason no other home would take him was medicare. Once he was RE hospitalized (half dead till then) then the GOOD home would take him. Sorry I got so wound up I forgot to add this earlier. It was about insurance when my sibling would call places this is what he was told.

Sadly this goes on far too often, not enough evidence to actually prove a case but still the family knows there should be one...after it is too late.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

If my parent was in a nursing home for rehab and I was told that rehab could not be done because of dimentia and the relative's refusal to participate I would have insisted that the nursing home schedule them for rehab and let me know the day and time it was scheduled for. If they could give me a day but not a time then I would have arrived early that day and stayed all day if necessary to see for myself exactly what was going on. I would have stayed to see if in fact someone from rehab did come to get him and what happened when the attendant came to take him. When my father was in a nursing home for rehab after a bout with A fall due to Parkinson's disease the nurses would come in while I was there and tell him he had rehab scheduled for the next day. The next day I would return and ask him how rehab went and he would say he hadn't gone. I would check with the nurse on duty and she would show me the notations in his file showing when he was picked up for rehab, who took him and when he returned. there would also be notes about what the rehab for that day consisted of initialed by the rehab specialist.

Pippy_1 · ‎12-31-2014

Good for you. That type of follow up is not feasible for some family members. That is why they turn to facilities for help.

CouponQueen · ‎10-21-2010

I didn't read all the replies but you seem gleeful and happy like you put one over on her..like See we told you and we did it..so there..

not sure I like that type of attitude. She is 90 and your mother..

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

On 1/9/2015 Bestdressed said:
On 1/9/2015 occasional rain said:
From the OP's posts it seems she's not, and never has been, fond of her mother. Of course her mother is aware that she's not a welcome addition to the family which explains her behavior. So, under the circumstances she's better off in assisted living than a home where she is unwanted.

Wow... You must know more then most of us. I fully support your decision Madisson. It isn't easy taking care of our aging parents. There is more then one path in deciding which is best for our parents well being and care. Some comments cut like a knife on this board.

Look at the title with all the exclamation marks. It's like the OP won the lottery. So what if her mother has become cantankerous, she's 90. Instead of rules and ultimatums a little humor and understanding would have been a better solution. The OP should be ashamed and so should her husband.