Community Chat

[lulu2]

Madisson, you and your husband have every right right to decide what you think is best for all involved.

I can so relate to your childhood. Our mother suffered from manic depression. More often than not she was gone. (both mentally and physically) My father was my hero. We had a loving and nurturing housekeeper.

I thank goodness I was not faced with your dilemma. My mother died 40 years ago. After her death, our lives had a normalcy we'd never experienced before.

Stay strong.

[Madisson]

Lulu2, it's nice to hear from another person who has been through a childhood like mine. I'm sorry that you had to experience what you did though. Our housekeeper was a saint. She was a Hispanic lady with a large family and loved children. She attended our school events, took us shopping for clothing, listened to our woes after school, helped us with our homework, and even decided on discipline if it was necessary...all this in addition to cleaning the house and cooking our meals. She is around my mother's age now. I still keep in touch with her. Some people have unlimited capacity for love.

[glb613]

On 1/13/2015 Madisson said:

Lulu2, it's nice to hear from another person who has been through a childhood like mine. I'm sorry that you had to experience what you did though. Our housekeeper was a saint. She was a Hispanic lady with a large family and loved children. She attended our school events, took us shopping for clothing, listened to our woes after school, helped us with our homework, and even decided on discipline if it was necessary...all this in addition to cleaning the house and cooking our meals. She is around my mother's age now. I still keep in touch with her. Some people have unlimited capacity for love.

I also had a childhood like yours. My sisters and I made sure she and my father were cared for and safe. But, it was never in my house. I never shed a tear when my mother died. My sisters and I were actually relived when she was dead and the abuse finally stopped. She was one of the meanest people I've ever known.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

Odds are, your Mom will be happier in assisted living where she has company her own age and an "audience," if she likes attention. I don't think you should feel guilty at all....you have done your best...that is all anyone can do....you have to take care of your own health......but I know where you are coming from; my "mother" is the coldest person I've ever known.

[Madisson]

glb613 and YorkieonmyPillow, I'm so sorry that you had childhoods similar to mine. It is sad that children have to go through that. How many children are going through similar situations right now? I came out of my childhood feeling like a hurt puppy. Thank G-d we all were able to overcome that kind of treatment and not carry it on with our children. I always told my husband and his mother that my mother might have been my "biological" mother, but our housekeeper was my mother when I was a child, and my MIL was my mother as an adult. They taught me so much about love...along with my amazing father and my husband.

[JustJazzmom]

Some people grow up with abuse-- physical or verbal and just repeat the cycle of abuse with the next generation. Glad you were able to have the wherewithal to not repeat this cycle of abuse with your children Madisson.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

It makes you feel different from everyone else...

[Madisson]

JustJazzmom and YorkieonmyPillow, being raised that way does make you feel differently from other people. I was very angry about it when I was younger, so I did a lot of counselling when I was in college to overcome everything that I had gone through. Yes, many people do repeat the patterns with their children. My grandmother raised my mother to be that way, and I was determined not to make those mistakes with my children.

[Still Raining]

Madisson, you might have one more wonderful thing coming your way. I didn't bother to go to my mother's funeral and just considered things to be closed, but a few weeks later, completely out of the blue, a sense of being set free came over me and the sun actually seemed to shine brighter. I realized that no one in this world could ever treat me so hurtfully again and is was a safe place now. Hope this peace also is yours one day.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

I'm just numb to the whole thing now. I hardly ever even think about it. I've been married for ten years to the kindest, most wonderful man (or person), I have ever known - and I know, absolutely and without question, that he does love me.

At least I can say that I know what it's like to be loved. Thank G_d..........

It hurt a lot years ago but it makes you a survivor......