Community Chat

[Madisson]

Woo! What an ordeal this has been. I wrote a few weeks ago that my 90 year old mother was living with us in a mother-in-law apartment which we had built just for her. She is extremely controlling, drives us crazy, is cantankerous, and whines and complains about everything. We had tried talking to her about going into assisted living, but she refused. She has plenty of money. We told her she was in control within her apartment, but once she entered the main part of our house, we had control. She took all her meals with us.

We had certain boundaries that she knew she could not cross if she wanted to live in our house. She used to live with another sister who refused to take her hogwash. My sister and her husband treated her so well. They gave her a beautiful room, but my sister would talk back to my mother when my mother would act up...so my mother called social services and reported elder abuse!!

We had told my mother that if she ever tried that with us, she would be in assisted living before she could spin around. Long story short, she complained to her doctor's nurse about us when questioned about elder abuse. My husband was a doctor also (retired) and got the scoop from his former colleague. That was it for us! We found her a beautiful assisted living apartment, and she goes into it on January 15.

Now, she thinks we are horrible. She threatened to disinherit us. DH told her to feel free to leave her money to charity or whoever. I feel so much better, but a little guilty too. She has always been difficult, but I think dementia is probably making her worse. OMG...I hope none of you ever have to go through this with your parents.

[adelle38]

If she doesn't want to go, how did you sign her up? Do you have conservatorship? It sounds like such a difficult situation and I hope neither I or my child ever has to deal with it.

[terrier3]

How sad.

My mom was a handful too and took great glee in insulting me to tears.

But she was my mother and I cared for her out of respect and didn't regret doing so. She had NO money - I supported her.

If your mom has dementia - how are her actions HER fault?

[brii]

I'm sure it was a difficult decision.

It's not easy...

[croemer]

Been there done that. Be careful with billing Madisson...you have to watch every bill that comes thru. We were quoted and signed a price per month...it took us about 8 months to get that straight and threatening to remove our mother before they found it imperative to find out why they repeatedly over charged my mother. Then I can not tell you how many times they tried to charge us for meals for special occasions they brought in and my mother did not participate. Then there is the medication...which they charged for and she never received. Best of luck...just be watchful.

[game-on]

Maddison.... it can be so mentally and physically wearing on people to have this kind of a situation.... I am glad you have been able to resolve it.... I agree that you have to watch the billing.... however, next to what you have been going thru, that should be much easier....

Remember.... don't let anyone put guilt on you because you made this choice.... everyone has to make the choice that is right for them.

[Teacups]

On 1/9/2015 terrier3 said:

How sad.

My mom was a handful too and took great glee in insulting me to tears.

But she was my mother and I cared for her out of respect and didn't regret doing so. She had NO money - I supported her.

If your mom has dementia - how are her actions HER fault?

right on Terrier...I took care of my Mom and Step dad too. I am glad I did!

[Pippy_1]

How awful. You'll regret it one day.

[muttmom]

When it comes to caring for our elderly parents, we must do what we think is best for all involved.

OP, I remember your post. I know this is not an easy decision.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

I wouldn't worry about her calling in elder abuse; especially since she already accused your sister. This is common with elderly people.....

If she has been diagnosed with dementia, she won't be allowed to change her will anyway, as one has to be "of sound mind."