Community Chat

[Brisky]

I would let him cool off and let him make the first move. He was at your home and stormed out. What?
Brother grow up.

[jellyBEAN]

Thank you for your responses.  Yes, my feelings of resentment have been brewing for a year or more, and I know what I wrote just gives my side of the pancake so to speak, but I wasn't able to talk to him to let him know I felt hurt by his actions, or lack thereof, before he stormed out.

No, I'm not better off financially, but I never married or divorced or had children so my $ was my own to save or spend, I never had to support anyone else.  He did finally send me a text telling me he arrived at his destination.  I was worried cause there was so much bad weather reported with tornadoes and wind n rain in the South. 

I'd had another brother but he was killed at the age of 21, around the New Year in 1978, in a car crash, and he and I were much closer in age and knew each other better than my older brother who is the one I wrote about.  I guess after all these years I still worry (like my Mom and Dad did) about stuff like that.

[kitcat51]

Oh my, you didn't treat him in the style he's come to expect...who's responsible for that? You should've spoken up long ago because some people are so dense they don't think or simply don't care what their "fun" visits cost their host... house me, feed me, entertain me & thank me for coming. I hope you work it out if you want to & I also hope you make it clear the free ride is over because you deserve better. Take care @jellyBEAN 

[Katcat1]

@jellyBEAN  I think he is a free loader.  You are buying food, beer and he is not paying rent nor taking you out to dinner.  One thing I have learned in life.  You can pick your friends but you are stuck with family until you make a change.  He did not want any confrontation with you because he does not want to hear the truth and the next time he thinks he can free load tell him to get a motel.  You don't need family like that.  I finally had to let go of some of my siblings and good riddens.  I am much happier.  I should have done it much sooner but now I have peace of mind.   I have friends that treat me much better than some family members did.  I can't believe he never offered to drive the car nor take you to lunch.  

[Brisky]

Brother and sisters do fight. But we grow up and go separate ways.If he is staying with you, he has to respect you. Family can drive you crazy sometimes!

[Catty2]

You are in the right to feel the way you do.  I can't imagine he never thought to treat you to a few meals or give you money for gas.  Give it a little time but I hope he will make the first move.  Hoping that things will work out for you.    

[Lindsays Grandma]

@jellyBEAN 

@janabelle 

@Kachina624 

@Drythe 

@NicksmomESQ 

@Brisky 

@Kitkat51 

@Catty2 

jellyBEAN...I read the comments of the poster's mentioned above and agree with them 100%.  Your brother needs to show respect, whether it is your home or someone else's, you don't arrive empty handed and you clean up after yourself, pay for some of the food and drinks, take your host or hostess out for lunch and dinner, chip in for gas when taken for a long ride and share in the driving.  Please do not allow your brother to disrespect you again, you deserve better.  He owes you an apology for his past and present behavior and until you set him straight he will take advantage of you whenever he can.  Good luck.

[homedecor1]

I forgot to add to my post:  These things I expect are for both family and friends ... but, in "jest"  I always tell them when they arrive:

Once 1 roll of toilet paper is DONE ...so is the visit!!!  I allow 2 if 2 guests!!!  

Amazing how quickly a roll of toilet paper is done! hahaha

(not really some of my family/friends stay weeks BUT I hardly see them!)

Sorry @jellyBEAN I have no advice except perhaps he's just used to being welcomed & treated great at your B&B!

It certainly sounds like you welcomed him and seems he's been enjoying it.  You have not asked him (or did I miss this) to provide anything (food, gas, etc) except for him to enjoy the amenities & his vacation!

When I moved here someone always wanted to come visit here for their vacation.  I love company and want them to realize I live at this B&B🙂  I learned along the way what worked best for no problems.  I have lots of friends & family come to stay.  Just had company for 7 weeks.   I enjoy having them and these are a few guidelines so there are no problems:

• I don't buy food for them as they know what they like and if they like certain things I prefer they buy it.  I started having the fridge full prior to their arrival and started noticing some things were never eaten & waste of $$. Of course, I have the necessities eggs, milk, coffee
• If I make dinner I let them know the time we will eat.  If they won't be here just let me know & I won't include them.
• Liquor, beer, certain soda/drinks -- buy your own.  I never have these items we drink water, mostly.
• Feel free to use my car but make sure gas in it 
• If they invite us to dinner we decide beforehand whose paying or separate checks.
• and most important --  I live here and don't want to go to "disney, universal, sea world, etc" been there, done that and not a expense I want.  They can go and have great time! 
• House Rules: you cook it you clean up, you wear it you wash it, bathroom towels to be hung up to dry --not bathroom floor, etc.  Please  treat my home with the respect you would treat your house.

I never feel it's rude to let them know the above because this is my home & I expect them to be respectful just like I would be at theirs.   I've never had anyone get mad because I let them know what I expect.  

I hope you can resolve this issue but it seems it's been "bothering" you more than him☹️ he's fine he's on vacation😉

[Silver Lining]

@jellyBEAN, he told you off and stormed out of your house before you could respond. You texted him to see if he got home okay in the bad weather. He should at least send you an answer. I wouldn't text again. The last laugh will be on him if he doesn't apologize since his behavior might have closed the door to future free vacations at your house. He apparently takes you for granted and pitched a fit when you said you wanted to talk. It's up to him to contact you. If and when he does I would take the opportunity to clear the air.

[pugvette74]

@jellyBEAN It's sad that your brother left your home upset... and now you are upset and worried if he got home safely.Sometimes it's not what we say, but the energy we put out there. He felt your energy that you were upset with him. 

When we are holding in resentment, it is best to wait and speak from your heart. 

I pray you and your brother will be able to talk soon, without anger or anything negative and from the heart.