Community Chat

[~moxie~]

My husband had clients that had loaned two of their children money before they passed. The money was supposed to be paid back and never was. It was a substantial amount of money, so they elected to split the money with the 4 children but deducting the money the two children owed them and split the difference between the two that never borrowed money.

You would have thought world war two had broken out. The children that owed their parents around 100 thousand each considered the money as a gift since there wasn't any pressure to pay it back. They tried to sue the estate for their fair share but the judge ruled their claim was invalid, especially when the two siblings had found loan documents that the brother and sister had signed.

The children that didn't make loans with their parents were the youngest of the siblings.

It was a mess though, and the two younger children who were in their 40's at the time were heartbroken over the anger from the older two who were in their 50's.The last I heard they didn't speak to the younger siblings because they felt that they had been cheated. The irony is that each of them received over a million dollars, including the ones who had the loans deducted from their share.

[shoekitty]

On 5/8/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 5/8/2014 tansy said: Wasn't the 'injured' daughter hurt financially, Ford? I can't remember the original dispute but thought it was about the sale of a home. If so, I might...not sure...I might deduct the financial loss to your one daughter out of the other daughter's share. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. That's a hard place for you to be

Yes, she was Tansy, and she lost her home. She can only rent now, so her antipathy is real and deserved. I do understand what you are saying and I think it's valid and I will definitely give this some consideration. I was also thinking I could divide my estranged daughter's share into three parts, giving my two adult grandchildren (her children) a portion of it, after all none of this was their fault.

sometimes Ford, it is better to leave them something than let the hurt fester forever. You will be gone, and there is no returning. Maybe they don't deserve it, but sometimes we get things when we don't deserve them, and it really makes us think. Ford, I think I might do what you have done. probably hard to explain it to injured daughter though. Best of luck

[gazelle77]

I have never understood why children expect anything from their parents? What is up with that? If I had kids, I would pay all my bills and donate everything I owed to a charity. They would get nothing and know that before I died.

[occasionalrain]

On 5/8/2014 tansy said:

On 5/8/2014 glb613 said:

On 5/8/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 5/8/2014 tansy said: Wasn't the 'injured' daughter hurt financially, Ford? I can't remember the original dispute but thought it was about the sale of a home. If so, I might...not sure...I might deduct the financial loss to your one daughter out of the other daughter's share. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. That's a hard place for you to be

Yes, she was Tansy, and she lost her home. She can only rent now, so her antipathy is real and deserved. I do understand what you are saying and I think it's valid and I will definitely give this some consideration. I was also thinking I could divide my estranged daughter's share into three parts, giving my two adult grandchildren (her children) a portion of it, after all none of this was their fault.

Why would you leave an estranged daughter who did wrong money? Am I missing something?

You're missing that Ford is a mother who still loves the estranged daughter.

The issue is between the two daughters and it's unfair of the injured daughter to expect her mother to punish the wrongdoer. The mother is an innocent bystander and shouldn't have been brought into the fight. It seems the injured daughter is doing to her mother what her sister did to her, caused her grief.

I would do with my insurance policy what I wanted to do not what someone else demanded I do.

[glb613]

"The issue is between the two daughters and it's unfair of the injured daughter to expect her mother to punish the wrongdoer. The mother is an innocent bystander and shouldn't have been brought into the fight. It seems the injured daughter is doing to her mother what her sister did to her, caused her grief.

I would do with my insurance policy what I wanted to do not what someone else demanded I do."

Why would her daughter be estranged from her if it's between sisters? NO never mind, I don't want to know.

[Jessa9]

After my dad died...my sister changed the locks in the doors so me and my one brother couldn't get into the house. She then tells me I can come over and take what I want. There was nothing to take, her and my other sister and brother who live close to the house wiped the place out. She took all my moms good jewelry and left the costume.

It is amazing how greedy people can be.

[esmerelda]

On 5/9/2014 glb613 said:

"The issue is between the two daughters and it's unfair of the injured daughter to expect her mother to punish the wrongdoer. The mother is an innocent bystander and shouldn't have been brought into the fight. It seems the injured daughter is doing to her mother what her sister did to her, caused her grief.

I would do with my insurance policy what I wanted to do not what someone else demanded I do."

Why would her daughter be estranged from her if it's between sisters? NO never mind, I don't want to know.

Smart woman!!

[LilacTree]

On 5/8/2014 shoekitty said:

On 5/8/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 5/8/2014 tansy said: Wasn't the 'injured' daughter hurt financially, Ford? I can't remember the original dispute but thought it was about the sale of a home. If so, I might...not sure...I might deduct the financial loss to your one daughter out of the other daughter's share. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. That's a hard place for you to be

Yes, she was Tansy, and she lost her home. She can only rent now, so her antipathy is real and deserved. I do understand what you are saying and I think it's valid and I will definitely give this some consideration. I was also thinking I could divide my estranged daughter's share into three parts, giving my two adult grandchildren (her children) a portion of it, after all none of this was their fault.

sometimes Ford, it is better to leave them something than let the hurt fester forever. You will be gone, and there is no returning. Maybe they don't deserve it, but sometimes we get things when we don't deserve them, and it really makes us think. Ford, I think I might do what you have done. probably hard to explain it to injured daughter though. Best of luck

There are some things I just can't do, no matter what is done to me or mine. Revenge is something that's just not in my DNA. I will walk away, but that's about as far as I can go.

And "posthumous" revenge is unthinkable to me.

[sgraham30]

On 5/8/2014 gazelle77 said: I have never understood why children expect anything from their parents? What is up with that? If I had kids, I would pay all my bills and donate everything I owed to a charity. They would get nothing and know that before I died.

I wasn't expecting anything, I'd much rather have my mother still here. I nearly fell off my chair when her investment advisor at Morgan Stanley told me how much each of us would be getting. I'd like to leave something for my kids but I'm not sure if that will happen. I'm nearly 56 years old & I'm pretty sure my working days are over, I'll be living off of what my mom left me.(when I was job hunting as a condition of unemployment, I didn't have a single response to any of the positions that I applied for) I don't want to touch what my mom left me until I HAVE to.

[LilacTree]

We kids (four of us) didn't get a thing from our parents. My poor beloved mother died of lung cancer at the age of 49. My father married his old high school girlfriend several years later and moved to Florida. We had very little contact after that for 25 years. They never invited us down in that whole time, and he became very invested in her children and grandchildren, he didn't even know our grandchildren's names. He rarely called us, we had to call him which we did at first, but little by little we tired of the rejection.

When he got sick at the age of 83, she sent him back up here to Jersey with a little old suitcase that had two pair of pants, some underwear and tee shirts, and his shaving kit in it. He died several months later crying "I just want to see her one more time." She didn't even come to his funeral. And everything he had went to her and her family, even the gold ring he promised to one of my brothers was gone from his finger when he arrived.

We never expected anything, so there was no animosity when he returned, his mind was kind of gone by then anyway. We gave him a proper burial next to our mom and that was that.