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Valued Contributor
Posts: 826
Registered: ‎01-21-2011

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

@faeriemoon  Response, by text, was...OK.  Thanks, hope he gets better.  Warm and fuzzy?  As I said, I gave a shower gift.  After reading these responses, I will give the monetary gift to my no-kill shelter.  I'm sure the animals will be more appreciative than these 2 relatively unknown people.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

[ Edited ]

You may not get an invite to the next one...so that probably won't be an issue. I would certainly not send a gift and I wouldn't have sent a shower gift either. I learned years ago you can't have a relationship with anyone who doesn't want one also....including relatives. I have a cousin who lives 25 miles from me and I haven't seen him in 40 years. He knows where I live and how to reach me, but he is very prominent in the area and apparently I would sully that....you should just go on with your life knowing you responded just fine....you don't need to live by their rules. I wouldn't be expecting a thank-you note either!

Super Contributor
Posts: 464
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

You are not a horrible person.   You are not obligated to send a gift for the wedding.   You were generous for sending a gift for the bridal shower.   Don't send a gift for the wedding.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

[ Edited ]

@libbyannE wrote:

It sounds as if the niece will offend you either way: if she invites you, you are offended. If she did NOT invite you, you probably would feel slighted, too. She gave you the courtesy of an invitation, so all you have to do is say yea or nay. Send a card, yes, but the gift is your choice. I have a distant niece, too, but it isn’t her fault or mine that she has never lived within 1500 to 2000 miles of us. Don’t take things so personally. 


 

I completely agree!  Well said.

 

My family is widely scattered, not only throughout the US, but throughout the world.  It's understood that we can't all be in close touch and that we all can't attend milestone events, whether they're birthday parties for a young child, graduations, weddings, or anything else.  

 

I have never viewed an invitation as a gift grab.  If I want to attend and I can, I go and I give a gift.  If I don't attend, I give a gift if I feel that I want to.  I would far rather be invited than be left out.  An invitation is not a command performance - It's simply an invitation, people asking you to share in the joy of their day.  What we do re attending/giving a gift is totally our choice, based on how we feel about it and our relationship with the people involved.  It's really very simple.

 

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,922
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations


@NYC Susan wrote:

@libbyannE wrote:

It sounds as if the niece will offend you either way: if she invites you, you are offended. If she did NOT invite you, you probably would feel slighted, too. She gave you the courtesy of an invitation, so all you have to do is say yea or nay. Send a card, yes, but the gift is your choice. I have a distant niece, too, but it isn’t her fault or mine that she has never lived within 1500 to 2000 miles of us. Don’t take things so personally. 


 

I completely agree!  Well said.

 

My family is widely scattered, not only throughout the US, but throughout the world.  It's understood that we can't all be in close touch and that we all can't attend milestone events, whether they're birthday parties for a young child, graduations, weddings, or anything else.  

 

I have never viewed an invitation as a gift grab.  If I want to attend and I can, I go and I give a gift.  If I don't attend, I give a gift if I feel that I want to.  I would far rather be invited than be left out.  An invitation is not a command performance - It's simply an invitation, people asking you to share in the joy of their day.  What we do re attending/giving a gift is totally our choice, based on how we feel about it and our relationship with the people involved.  It's really very simple.

 

 

 


Both of your responses are spot on!!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,163
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

@bootsanne  I agree with the donation to the no-kill shelter idea!!!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,259
Registered: ‎02-14-2017

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

I haven’t lived in my hometown since college and am not in close contact with most of my family. Honestly, the ones I am in close contact are the ones who also make an effort to stay in touch with me.

I’m planning my wedding for May. I’m only in regular contact with one aunt from my mother’s family and one aunt from my father’s family. I expect they’ll come to the wedding. I honestly have no expectations the rest of the family will come. Nonetheless, my mother expects that I would invite all her siblings and my late father’s siblings (see how that works?). If they can come, it would be lovely. If they don’t, well, I guess we’ll have a lovely day without them. I do not expect a gift from anyone, especially not someone not attending.

I get plenty of these “obligation” invitations from various cousins for weddings, showers, and graduations. I politely decline with a personal note. Sometimes the note is accompanied with a gift, sometimes not, but I always acknowledge the invitation.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,685
Registered: ‎07-21-2011

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

@bootsanne  Things like this get on my last nerve.  You are not close nor talk on the phone, etc. yet they have the nerve to send a shower invitation and wedding invitation.  I would not send a gift.  Send a card and wish them the best.  I would not have sent a shower gift.  It is so rude to invite people just for the gifts.  When I was working part time at a bank this younger girl was getting married and invited me to the wedding.  Hello?  I did not attend nor send a gift.  People do this all time time and obviously they do not know any better.

kindness is strength
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,505
Registered: ‎03-26-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

You are not obligated to send anything....years ago I got an invite to a wedding from a cousins son whom I’d never laid eyes on..I hadn’t even seen my cousin in years and we didn’t keep in touch...it was also out of state.  I just sent back the rsvp, no gift.

Take time every day to enjoy where you are without a need to fix it
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,768
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

I would NOT send a gift for the wedding.

 

it sounds as if they are more interested in how much “stuff” they can get rather who comes.

 

Would it be so horrible if this side of the family not talk to you again?.  I have family like this. Just dust them off the shoes and move on.