Community Chat

[Sooner]

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@Beautiful life wrote:

I appreciate all the kind post. I am looking for a therapist. 

'I never said I hated my mother. I said in my post years ago that my mom drives me crazy and makes me feel like a bad daughter. I love my mom we were best friends 

the way I feel is my fault. My daughter told me that I did everything for my mom and 

that grandma made me feel guilty for things I shouldn't feel guilty for. My daughter doesn't understand why I'm depressed since I was the only one that cared enough and was always there for my mom. I miss my mom it's just that simple.

life is short and I'm going to get help.

thanks everyone.

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My mother's mother made her feel guilty and responsible for any misery in my grandmother's life.  Your daughter can see what is happening to HER mother.  Maybe take what your daughter says a little more seriously.  She is a step away from what you are going through.  She loves you and sees things from a different perspective.  Talk to her about this. 

[Plaid Pants2]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@Beautiful life wrote:

I came to here for support and not to be criticized

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I agree with the fact that you need support, but please don't shut people out who "criticize" you.  It isn't always criticism, it is giving you some things to think about that might help you change the pattern of your life.  Your mom has ruled your life.  There are some issues you need to think about there that MAY be keeping you from moving on with YOUR life.

YOU have a life ahead of you and YOUR CHILDREN do to.  It is time to think about all of you and what all of you want.  How do you want your life to be now?  What is the future?  What possibilities are there for you?  

Look forward, don't look back.  You have wonderful things AHEAD if you can let go of some things and look forward to it with hope and love and joy! Dwell on those things. 

I wish you all the best that life now has to offer!  You deserve it. 

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We are telling her things that she needs to hear. She may not want to hear them, but she needs to hear them.

Just because she doesn't want to hear what we are saying, does not mean that we are "criticizing" her.

We all want her to get better, and sometimes, people need to be told the cold hard truth about something, in order for them to get better.

It really is as simple as that.

[sassenach1]

@Beautiful life, I am sorry for your loss! I would like to a longer reply but I am boarding a plane soon.

Please read Dr. Brian Weiss' book, Many Lives, Many Masters. It is life changing and a very easy read. I, too, took care of my mother for years. I understand. Please read his book and it will make a huge difference for you,

[Oggi]

My deepest condolences, Fire.. I dont have anything more to add, to the already great sympathetic advice already mentioned, but.. I just wanted to add... I dont think that I have read ANY thread, on ANY forum, in many, many yrs, that has evoked such emotional empathy, as the one that you created, and of the posts left here.

Very heartful and memorable. Thank you to all, who shared their stories... Im going to go visit my mother later today, and remember your stories, while I cherish another day, with my mom.

[Beautiful life]

I have a appointment next week with a therapist. I'm waiting to get in a group therapy

class. I am having anxiety, not sleeping well.

[RedTop]

@Beautiful life,

Have you considered seeing your medical doctor for treatment for the anxiety?

My 83 year old mother has dealt with anxiety her entire life, and it has grown to overwhelming levels within the last few years.   She started taking medication in January, increased it in June, and at least she can stand herself now.   

After years of focusing your life around your mother, and her needs, it is very likely you are at a loss of what to do with yourself.   Please take time to refocus your thoughts on doing something for yourself, and establishing a new routine.     

[Beautiful life]

I am going to therapy tomorrow got in because someone cancelled. I got medication for anxiety from my doctor today. In the past when I took the medication it would wipe me out all day even a low dose.

I am lost without my mom, I always tried to do things she wanted.  I'm not even sure what I want to do, nothing really interest me. I have severe problems with my spine so I'm not that active. When my kids were off school for the summer we did things and it kept me busy. It will take me time to adjust. My phone doesn't ring several times a day anymore. It's so quiet.

I will have to have a new routine just not sure what yet.