Should he Stay or Should he go ? - Page 9

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

I would keep things the way they are. (If it were me)

You both have your freedom and companionship when you want too. Your finances are separate.

Why can't you live together to see how things go before a marriage?

Do you feel guilty that you have been with him, before marriage? You are praying after the fact? I don't get that part.

It's hard to find a good man at that age. Keep him.

Just because you get married, doesn't mean he won't cheat.

Would you accept being engaged? (would that suffice)

Maybe early on he thought about marriage, so maybe now he realizes he can have freedom, but still be in a committed relationship. Best of both worlds.

If you decide it's over, you will be comparing him to other men you date.

bunjetto · ‎03-09-2010

If he is the one and he loves you so much why wouldn't he want to marry you? There is no excuse other than he just doesn't want to. I hope you find real love and happiness.

No thought is worth thinking.....

DiAnne · ‎09-22-2010

I have good male friend who is in his late 60's and dates women in their late 30's/early 40's. He is a widower with $$$ and says he does not want to marry again because he feels they would become his nursemaid should health problems arise.

He sounds perfect except for the bowling!!

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Goodie2shoes

I think the one thing so many posters don't understand is why you feel guilty being with him in an unmarried state when you did it with someone else for 40 years.

Why?

Goodie2shoes · ‎04-30-2012

terrier3 wrote :

You didn't mention the L word.

Do you love him? Or is he just a placekeeper???

Yes I do love him and noted it in my original post. He has told me the same and I believe him. No he is not just a placekeeper. I think it's time we had a long discussion based on all of these great responses.

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

I TOTALLY disagree that "marriage is just a piece of paper."

Especially if it is really important to YOU. I think the OP wants marriage. She is trying to justify the situation to herself, but she's not really happy with it. I don't think she is ever going to be content with it.

Despite all the great qualities this man may have, they disagree on a fundamental one. It is up there with having children or not (at a different age). Not being married says the guy could leave the situation any time he wants. Sure, it happens in marriage, but not so easily. He is having his cake and eating it too. That's great if both are in the same place - but she really is not. Since finances are not an issue, there's no real reason NOT to get married, except he doesn't want to. I guess it raises red flags for me.

I wouldn't say GO, but truly follow what your head and heart say. Don't issue an ultimatum unless you're willing to lose him. See if no marriage is his "final answer."

Hyacinth

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@bunjetto wrote:
If he is the one and he loves you so much why wouldn't he want to marry you? There is no excuse other than he just doesn't want to. I hope you find real love and happiness.

Real love isn't limited to nor defined by a marriage certificate.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Goodie2shoes wrote:
terrier3 wrote :
You didn't mention the L word.

Do you love him? Or is he just a placekeeper???

Yes I do love him and noted it in my original post. He has told me the same and I believe him. No he is not just a placekeeper. I think it's time we had a long discussion based on all of these great responses.

Why? You already know the answer. You're trying to push him into something he doesn't want. That's not a talk.

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

The relationship sounds more perfect than anyone could hope for and I still don't understand the OP's reasoning for wanting to get married, except that it's some sort of deep-rooted fantasy of what marriage means to her. I completely understand why he (and most people) wouldn't see a need for marriage, especially at that age, and especially with both people being financially stable. In fact, for the financial aspect, I would definitely not want to get married because that brings with it financial (and legal) responsibility for the other person.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
I TOTALLY disagree that "marriage is just a piece of paper."

Especially if it is really important to YOU. I think the OP wants marriage. She is trying to justify the situation to herself, but she's not really happy with it. I don't think she is ever going to be content with it.

Despite all the great qualities this man may have, they disagree on a fundamental one. It is up there with having children or not (at a different age). Not being married says the guy could leave the situation any time he wants. Sure, it happens in marriage, but not so easily. He is having his cake and eating it too. That's great if both are in the same place - but she really is not. Since finances are not an issue, there's no real reason NOT to get married, except he doesn't want to. I guess it raises red flags for me.

I wouldn't say GO, but truly follow what your head and heart say. Don't issue an ultimatum unless you're willing to lose him. See if no marriage is his "final answer."

Hyacinth

@hyacinth003

She was with the father of her children for 40 years, never married. I don't think it's a big deal for her.