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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,066
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

@suzyQ3I apologize for making you  feel singled out. It was not my intention. I'm not singling you or anyone out. Just a general thought since this thread has gone on so long! Smiley Happy 

For what ever reason she has decided it's not right for now, even though she did it before.  Maybe she has regrets about that. Convictions, beliefs, feelings are fluid and we learn by experience. Maybe she'll feel,differently in the future. 

 

An example, perhaps, in my life.....Having had sex before but doesn't obligate me to sleep with the next person because I have already "been there" I actually had a guy use that reasoning before.  Or because I've had sex with someone once, I should feel okay about doing it again. 😊

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 35,538
Registered: ‎06-11-2011

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

@GenXmuse  I wonder why the Autocensor didn't zap a word in your post? Hmmmmm interesting.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,066
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Oops is the word "sex" a no-no? Lol. I'm sure I'll be reported. 😀 Maybe you type it and see what happens!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,662
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@Bonanzajellybean wrote:

@suzyQ3I apologize for making you  feel singled out. It was not my intention. I'm not singling you or anyone out. Just a general thought since this thread has gone on so long! Smiley Happy 

For what ever reason she has decided it's not right for now, even though she did it before.  Maybe she has regrets about that. Convictions, beliefs, feelings are fluid and we learn by experience. Maybe she'll feel,differently in the future. 

 

An example, perhaps, in my life.....Having had sex before but doesn't obligate me to sleep with the next person because I have already "been there" I actually had a guy use that reasoning before.  Or because I've had sex with someone once, I should feel okay about doing it again. 😊

 

 


@GenXmuse, well, you know how guys are. They often don't think with their head. Hahahaha...now we'll both get reported.

 

Btw, we've been able to write "sex" for quite some time now.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,067
Registered: ‎05-15-2010

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@suzyQ3 wrote:

@Bonanzajellybean wrote:

@suzyQ3I apologize for making you  feel singled out. It was not my intention. I'm not singling you or anyone out. Just a general thought since this thread has gone on so long! Smiley Happy 

For what ever reason she has decided it's not right for now, even though she did it before.  Maybe she has regrets about that. Convictions, beliefs, feelings are fluid and we learn by experience. Maybe she'll feel,differently in the future. 

 

An example, perhaps, in my life.....Having had sex before but doesn't obligate me to sleep with the next person because I have already "been there" I actually had a guy use that reasoning before.  Or because I've had sex with someone once, I should feel okay about doing it again. 😊

 

 


@GenXmuse, well, you know how guys are. They often don't think with their head. Hahahaha...now we'll both get reported.

 

Btw, we've been able to write "sex" for quite some time now.


Well I personally think a 66 year old woman (as the poster described herself) who hasn't had sex before is a very big deal.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,107
Registered: ‎07-05-2012

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@suzyQ3 wrote:

@garmer wrote:

@WenGirl42 wrote:

@garmer wrote:

You want to marry him, but the one thing you won't do is live with him?

 

This is my opinion only, I really think it would be better for you to stay single. At this point I don't see any reason to marry.

Is it like a status symbol or something, do you just want to write Mrs. in front of your name?

 

I'm not trying to be mean, I just wonder if you have asked yourself "why".

 

This arrangement you desire doesn't even resemble marriage to me.

 

I'm out.


@garmer I could be wrong...but I took her statement to mean that the one thing she won't do is live with him outside of marriage.  I might have been reading too much into it though!  I agree with you it would be really strange to be holding out for the guy to marry her if she didn't intend to move in with him after and live as man and wife.

 


 

Oh. Well that's a horse of a different color, then.

 

OP, please disregard my last post, I misunderstood. No wonder it didn't make sense to me.

 

TY, @WenGirl42Cat Embarassed


@garmerand @WenGirl42, I guess I don't understand the reason for her not wanting to live with him. They are clearly intimate with each other, so it's not that. And if it's that she prefers her privacy, then why would she want to marry him?


@suzyQ3 I think I do "get" that, at least. (I assume) she values her privacy and enjoys her autonomy...and is unwilling to give that up without the tradeoff of the marriage she wants. But she is willing to compromise in a mutually beneficial way? I see logic there regardless of any moral qualms that she may or may not have.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,179
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

[ Edited ]

@Bonanzajellybean wrote:

I didn't live with my husband before we got married nor anyone else for that matter. I'm not even religious. Why does anyone HAVE to understand her reasons? Not sure why so many are trying to figure her out. 

 

Last I heard, she was going to spend some time thinking about it. 


 

 

Many couples do not live together before marriage, because they have NOT consummated the relationship. She had 2 kids out of wedlock and is intimate with her guy.  It's not a moral issue at this point. IMO it is more of what she hasn't had (for 40 years), and thinks it will bring her security. Even with get married your spouse can cheat and a whole lot of other problems.

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,067
Registered: ‎05-15-2010

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@missy1 wrote:

@Bonanzajellybean wrote:

I didn't live with my husband before we got married nor anyone else for that matter. I'm not even religious. Why does anyone HAVE to understand her reasons? Not sure why so many are trying to figure her out. 

 

Last I heard, she was going to spend some time thinking about it. 


 

 

Many couples do not live together before marriage, because they have NOT consummated the relationship. She had 2 kids out of wedlock and is intimate with her guy.  It's not a moral issue at this point. IMO it is more of what she hasn't had (for 40 years), and thinks it will bring her security. Even with get married your spouse can cheat and a whole lot of other problems.

 


She's 66 years old.  Whatever kids she's had have grown to maturity and either fled or made a choice to continue knowing her.  He's 62.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,662
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@stuyvesant wrote:

@suzyQ3 wrote:

@Bonanzajellybean wrote:

@suzyQ3I apologize for making you  feel singled out. It was not my intention. I'm not singling you or anyone out. Just a general thought since this thread has gone on so long! Smiley Happy 

For what ever reason she has decided it's not right for now, even though she did it before.  Maybe she has regrets about that. Convictions, beliefs, feelings are fluid and we learn by experience. Maybe she'll feel,differently in the future. 

 

An example, perhaps, in my life.....Having had sex before but doesn't obligate me to sleep with the next person because I have already "been there" I actually had a guy use that reasoning before.  Or because I've had sex with someone once, I should feel okay about doing it again. 😊

 

 


@GenXmuse, well, you know how guys are. They often don't think with their head. Hahahaha...now we'll both get reported.

 

Btw, we've been able to write "sex" for quite some time now.


Well I personally think a 66 year old woman (as the poster described herself) who hasn't had sex before is a very big deal.


@stuyvesant, I have no idea what your comment means. Could you explain how it relates here?


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,814
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

[ Edited ]

At least he's honest about not wanting to marry again.   Better than 'stringing' a girl along for years and years,  which I've seen happen. 

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).