Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

JobGirl · ‎12-30-2010

@Sooner wrote:
I'd say she spent all those years NOT being married, sees the pitfalls of such a relationship, and said to herself "Never again." She is tired of being the woman who stays with a man in a "not married" state. Seems pretty obvious to me. For once she wants to be introduced as his WIFE. I certainly can understand that.

She wants to be in a relationship where she has some claim on or contract with someone for a long-term relationship and all the world will know that he is committed to her.

Maybe if she wanted to be introduced as someone's wife it could have at least been the father of her childen-wouldn't that have been "doing the right thing?"

40 yrs and 2 kids and she didn't require a commitment from him and she's going to dump this guy because he doesn't want to be married?

Sorry -lost me on this one

garmer · ‎03-16-2010

You want to marry him, but the one thing you won't do is live with him?

This is my opinion only, I really think it would be better for you to stay single. At this point I don't see any reason to marry.

Is it like a status symbol or something, do you just want to write Mrs. in front of your name?

I'm not trying to be mean, I just wonder if you have asked yourself "why".

This arrangement you desire doesn't even resemble marriage to me.

I'm out.

WenGirl42 · ‎07-05-2012

@garmer wrote:
You want to marry him, but the one thing you won't do is live with him?

This is my opinion only, I really think it would be better for you to stay single. At this point I don't see any reason to marry.
Is it like a status symbol or something, do you just want to write Mrs. in front of your name?

I'm not trying to be mean, I just wonder if you have asked yourself "why".

This arrangement you desire doesn't even resemble marriage to me.

I'm out.

@garmer I could be wrong...but I took her statement to mean that the one thing she won't do is live with him outside of marriage. I might have been reading too much into it though! I agree with you it would be really strange to be holding out for the guy to marry her if she didn't intend to move in with him after and live as man and wife.

garmer · ‎03-16-2010

@WenGirl42 wrote:
@garmer wrote:
You want to marry him, but the one thing you won't do is live with him?

This is my opinion only, I really think it would be better for you to stay single. At this point I don't see any reason to marry.
Is it like a status symbol or something, do you just want to write Mrs. in front of your name?

I'm not trying to be mean, I just wonder if you have asked yourself "why".

This arrangement you desire doesn't even resemble marriage to me.

I'm out.
@garmer I could be wrong...but I took her statement to mean that the one thing she won't do is live with him outside of marriage. I might have been reading too much into it though! I agree with you it would be really strange to be holding out for the guy to marry her if she didn't intend to move in with him after and live as man and wife.

Oh. Well that's a horse of a different color, then.

OP, please disregard my last post, I misunderstood. No wonder it didn't make sense to me.

TY, @WenGirl42.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@jaxs mom wrote:
What's interesting in that link was this:

A Pew analysis found that, among those who have divorced, 74% were Christian and 20% were agnostic or atheists.

Doesn't surprise me. What were the proportions of the Christian/agnostic-atheists in the survey? Doesn't surprise me because Christians are just people. If they were simply better than others, they wouldn't need to be Christians. The whole point is they are not perfect.

Noreen · ‎06-02-2015

@noodleann wrote:

I think you feel you deserve to be married because of the four decades you spent without benefit of marriage with someone else, despite procreating twice with that guy. But you accepted those terms, and you do not get to balance your personal books on the back of another man. That's really what I think is going on. You think you deserve to be married because of your past life, and are cloaking it in terms of the new man doing "the right thing." If you'd actually believed that, you wouldn't have stayed with the father of your children for 40 years. This new man owes you nothing.

A marital commitment founded on guilt on the one hand and an unreasonable sense of entitlement on the other does not augur well for the future. He should come to the decision with a joyous heart, freely, without being shamed into it. If you don't feel that way, then I agree with some here: He should leave.

This is totally it, noodleann, very well said and to the point.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@garmer wrote:
@WenGirl42 wrote:
@garmer wrote:
You want to marry him, but the one thing you won't do is live with him?

This is my opinion only, I really think it would be better for you to stay single. At this point I don't see any reason to marry.
Is it like a status symbol or something, do you just want to write Mrs. in front of your name?

I'm not trying to be mean, I just wonder if you have asked yourself "why".

This arrangement you desire doesn't even resemble marriage to me.

I'm out.
@garmer I could be wrong...but I took her statement to mean that the one thing she won't do is live with him outside of marriage. I might have been reading too much into it though! I agree with you it would be really strange to be holding out for the guy to marry her if she didn't intend to move in with him after and live as man and wife.

Oh. Well that's a horse of a different color, then.

OP, please disregard my last post, I misunderstood. No wonder it didn't make sense to me.

TY, @WenGirl42.

@garmerand @WenGirl42, I guess I don't understand the reason for her not wanting to live with him. They are clearly intimate with each other, so it's not that. And if it's that she prefers her privacy, then why would she want to marry him?

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

I didn't live with my husband before we got married nor anyone else for that matter. I'm not even religious. Why does anyone HAVE to understand her reasons? Not sure why so many are trying to figure her out.

Last I heard, she was going to spend some time thinking about it.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@Bonanzajellybean wrote:
I didn't live with my husband before we got married nor anyone else for that matter. I'm not even religious. Why does anyone HAVE to understand her reasons? Not sure why so many are trying to figure her out.

Last I heard, she was going to spend some time thinking about it.

@GenXmuse, if this was directed at my most recent post, I was really just thinking out loud. When posters present a particular scenario and want comments, that's pretty much all we can do is surmise and wonder and try to help as well. Many posters either purposely or unwittingly don't give us too much to work on. :-).

I mentioned my wondering about her not wanting to live with him because I think that she posted that it wasn't right in some way. That just confused me in the context of the rest of her thoughts.

BTW, I didn't "live" with my husband either before we were married. But I digress. :-)

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland