Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Perkup · ‎03-09-2010

@Ms tyrion2 wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@Perkup wrote:
First, who believes that marriage is only a piece of paper? It's a commitmet, made before God, that you will love and care for a nother person until death separates you. A piece of paper indeeed! That's what is wrong with today's thinking. If it is nothing more than a piece of paper, then it is truly meaningless to you and you sould not enter into a relationship with someones who had religious values.

Age has little to do with this situation. My DH husband and I were married when I was 73 and he was 86. (Both of us were widowed.) I don't think either of us could have just lived together without that "piece of paper". We were both fully committed to take care for each other for as long as God allowed us to be together, and we did. I have never been happier, even though I was previously married, had children and grandchildren and cared for my first husband until his death. As did my DH with his former wife. DID YOU EVER ASK HIM WHY HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? YOU SHOULD!

This man sounds too good to be true, but if he doesn't want to get married and you do, you're at an impasse. Maybe he will change his mind, but probably not. Yet if he is that perfect, there is a chance he is a mirage and will just go poof sooner or later! Be assured that if you dump him, he will find another "you" in a very short time.

@Perkup

Surely you realize not everyone has, wants or believes in a religious marriage. And that being married by a religious leader is not legal without a LEGAL license.

You need the legal, the religious is optional.

ITA !!
The religious part may be optional to you, but to me marriage is a sacrament, spoken beore God whether you are married by a minister or a Justice of the Peace. Even if, to you, it's nothing more than a legal position, it is still at least legally binding. Only a fool would say a marrkage is nothing more than a piece of paper. Your heart must say that can't be true no matter how you choose to marry. Otherwise, you should remain single.

Nuph · ‎06-27-2010

I am astounded by the number of comments on this post about marriage being "only a piece of paper"! I am much younger than the original poster seeking advice, but I find it so disheartening that the definition of marriage has been so diluted by so many posters on here to be defined as "just a piece of paper". I guess I am living in a bubble with my family and friends who believe in the life long commitment, sacrifice, sacred bond and covenant of marriage. This was one of the saddest forum post exchanges I have read and I rarely log on and read any of QVC's blogs and forums. I've decided after this one, I am going to avoid it.

Goodie2Shoes, hold fast to your values. You will never regret it. The world is slouching towards Gomorrah.

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@Goodie2shoes wrote:
Noel7 wrote :
I think the one thing so many posters don't understand is why you feel guilty being with him in an unmarried state when you did it with someone else for 40 years.

Why?

Great question ! maybe because I did waste 40 some years with a man I thought would change and do the right thing. We had 2 children, didn't live together was in a rocky off and on relationship and my focus was on raising my children, working to keep a roof over their heads, pay my bills etc. I even bought 2 houses by myself, not with a dime of his money so I was very independent. Suddenly one day after my children were grown and I was left by myself, I realized I had wasted so many years off and on with someone who didn't deserve me and I finally kicked him to the curb for good. It's not that I feel guilty with the person I am with now, sorry if I made it seem that way, I just feel that since I finally found Mr. Right I think there should be a full commitment. I am very happy with him. We shall see

But @Goodie2shoes I am sure you realize that marriage isn't a guarantee of full commitment either.

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

@Goodie2shoes I would talk to him about your feelings. It may mean he is not committed. He may wish to see others--or any number of things. See how you feel after you 2 talk about it. This seems to be about committment.

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@Nuph wrote:
I am astounded by the number of comments on this post about marriage being "only a piece of paper"! I am much younger than the original poster seeking advice, but I find it so disheartening that the definition of marriage has been so diluted by so many posters on here to be defined as "just a piece of paper". I guess I am living in a bubble with my family and friends who believe in the life long commitment, sacrifice, sacred bond and covenant of marriage. This was one of the saddest forum post exchanges I have read and I rarely log on and read any of QVC's blogs and forums. I've decided after this one, I am going to avoid it.

Goodie2Shoes, hold fast to your values. You will never regret it. The world is slouching towards Gomorrah.

You can make a life long committment ect without being married and without being married before a deity. Religion doesn't have a monopoly on commitment, love or sacrifice.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

My personal opinion is that you have the best situation. I would not marry again and have felt that way since my DH died 14 years ago.

If you honestly want to marry again, then you should break it off with your man now and start over again to find someone who feels as you do.

I think the title of your post should be: Should I stay or should I go?" Only you know the answer.

Ms tyrion2 · ‎05-08-2017

@jaxs mom wrote:
@Nuph wrote:
I am astounded by the number of comments on this post about marriage being "only a piece of paper"! I am much younger than the original poster seeking advice, but I find it so disheartening that the definition of marriage has been so diluted by so many posters on here to be defined as "just a piece of paper". I guess I am living in a bubble with my family and friends who believe in the life long commitment, sacrifice, sacred bond and covenant of marriage. This was one of the saddest forum post exchanges I have read and I rarely log on and read any of QVC's blogs and forums. I've decided after this one, I am going to avoid it.

Goodie2Shoes, hold fast to your values. You will never regret it. The world is slouching towards Gomorrah.
You can make a life long committment ect without being married and without being married before a deity. Religion doesn't have a monopoly on commitment, love or sacrifice.

I agree and I'll add that if interacting with people who do not embrace religion distressed you this much, then this really isn't a good place for you. There is a large diversity of people participating in this forum.

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@MarieIG wrote:
Well, it doesn't matter if 99% of the people on the board say marriage is just a piece of paper, if it's not just a piece of paper to you. I suspect the majority of those people have either been married or didn't want to ever marry anyway. I don't think you need to rush into anything but I would advise not to move in with him and don't issue an ultimatum. I also don't necessarily agree that you are so lucky to have him. You are only lucky if the relationship makes you happy. Maybe he is lucky to have YOU. But think it through, he obviously has a number of qualities that you like and ending the relationship will obviously not be easy.

I'm married, I've been married for more than 20 years. My husband and I have stood by and taken care of each other though my cancer and his numerous serious life threatening health problems. It's still a piece of paper to me. If it miraculously went away tomorrow it wouldn't change my commitment and I'm not less committed to other people in my life that I care for just because I'm not married to them.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Nuph wrote:
I am astounded by the number of comments on this post about marriage being "only a piece of paper"! I am much younger than the original poster seeking advice, but I find it so disheartening that the definition of marriage has been so diluted by so many posters on here to be defined as "just a piece of paper". I guess I am living in a bubble with my family and friends who believe in the life long commitment, sacrifice, sacred bond and covenant of marriage. This was one of the saddest forum post exchanges I have read and I rarely log on and read any of QVC's blogs and forums. I've decided after this one, I am going to avoid it.

Goodie2Shoes, hold fast to your values. You will never regret it. The world is slouching towards Gomorrah.

The values part is thrown out the window since the op already been with the father of her kids for 40 years unmarried. So now Op wants to get married because it's the right thing to do.

They only have been dating a year.

She may break it off, but whos to say she will find that "dream man" again and even get married.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Perkup

A religious marriage is optional for everyone in America. That's one of the many freedoms we have in this country, no one has to do it your way or my way.

There is no need for you to call those who don't agree with you names such as fools, in fact, it weakens your position.