Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Deanie wrote:
@Trudey Funny you say that. This is the mantra of the new age movement. It is only a piece of paper. My girlfriend said that about getting married again. She had been divorced. We were chatting She said that she was committed to the relationship and had no need of a piece of paper to prove that commitment. We went on and talked of other things. She and her then boyfriend were buying a beach house together and going to go to settlement. I asked why. She said "what?" I said tell the lending institution and the real estate agents that you are committed to the relationship to the house and you have no need to go to settlement because after all, it is only a piece of paper. Think they will buy that argument?
She and her now husband went to Las Vegas two weeks later and got married.

If they are both on the title, it doesn't matter if they are not married. They can have it written up they both own it equally and who it goes to if they pass. I am, guessing only one took the loan out. Then the other person could be kicked out if they were not married.

kivah · ‎03-11-2010

I would tell him that since u want to get married, you'll need to move on. He could call u once in a while - as friends.

I recommend u check out e-Harmony.com --- my neighbor met her husband on there in 2005 - and they got married in 2006. When they met, she was 60 yrs old and he was 62. She also met a guy on e-Harmony right before --- and he said he was looking for a younger woman - so she left. She was so glad the 1st guy wasn't interested --- because she met and married the perfect guy for her. Move On!!!!!

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@Deanie wrote:
@Trudey Funny you say that. This is the mantra of the new age movement. It is only a piece of paper. My girlfriend said that about getting married again. She had been divorced. We were chatting She said that she was committed to the relationship and had no need of a piece of paper to prove that commitment. We went on and talked of other things. She and her then boyfriend were buying a beach house together and going to go to settlement. I asked why. She said "what?" I said tell the lending institution and the real estate agents that you are committed to the relationship to the house and you have no need to go to settlement because after all, it is only a piece of paper. Think they will buy that argument?
She and her now husband went to Las Vegas two weeks later and got married.

Sorry but people aren't houses. I don't want to own anyone, even my husband and not my kids.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

Perkup · ‎03-09-2010

First, who believes that marriage is only a piece of paper? It's a commitmet, made before God, that you will love and care for a nother person until death separates you. A piece of paper indeeed! That's what is wrong with today's thinking. If it is nothing more than a piece of paper, then it is truly meaningless to you and you sould not enter into a relationship with someones who had religious values.

Age has little to do with this situation. My DH husband and I were married when I was 73 and he was 86. (Both of us were widowed.) I don't think either of us could have just lived together without that "piece of paper". We were both fully committed to take care for each other for as long as God allowed us to be together, and we did. I have never been happier, even though I was previously married, had children and grandchildren and cared for my first husband until his death. As did my DH with his former wife. DID YOU EVER ASK HIM WHY HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? YOU SHOULD!

This man sounds too good to be true, but if he doesn't want to get married and you do, you're at an impasse. Maybe he will change his mind, but probably not. Yet if he is that perfect, there is a chance he is a mirage and will just go poof sooner or later! Be assured that if you dump him, he will find another "you" in a very short time.

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

In the US to be married you're not required to make a vow before any diety nor have it officiated by any religous authority. You can hold that as a personal belief but it has nothing to do with the legal requirements that are needed to be considered married by the state.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Perkup wrote:
First, who believes that marriage is only a piece of paper? It's a commitmet, made before God, that you will love and care for a nother person until death separates you. A piece of paper indeeed! That's what is wrong with today's thinking. If it is nothing more than a piece of paper, then it is truly meaningless to you and you sould not enter into a relationship with someones who had religious values.

Age has little to do with this situation. My DH husband and I were married when I was 73 and he was 86. (Both of us were widowed.) I don't think either of us could have just lived together without that "piece of paper". We were both fully committed to take care for each other for as long as God allowed us to be together, and we did. I have never been happier, even though I was previously married, had children and grandchildren and cared for my first husband until his death. As did my DH with his former wife. DID YOU EVER ASK HIM WHY HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? YOU SHOULD!

This man sounds too good to be true, but if he doesn't want to get married and you do, you're at an impasse. Maybe he will change his mind, but probably not. Yet if he is that perfect, there is a chance he is a mirage and will just go poof sooner or later! Be assured that if you dump him, he will find another "you" in a very short time.

@Perkup

Surely you realize not everyone has, wants or believes in a religious marriage. And that being married by a religious leader is not legal without a LEGAL license.

You need the legal, the religious is optional.

Ms tyrion2 · ‎05-08-2017

@Noel7 wrote:
@Perkup wrote:
First, who believes that marriage is only a piece of paper? It's a commitmet, made before God, that you will love and care for a nother person until death separates you. A piece of paper indeeed! That's what is wrong with today's thinking. If it is nothing more than a piece of paper, then it is truly meaningless to you and you sould not enter into a relationship with someones who had religious values.

Age has little to do with this situation. My DH husband and I were married when I was 73 and he was 86. (Both of us were widowed.) I don't think either of us could have just lived together without that "piece of paper". We were both fully committed to take care for each other for as long as God allowed us to be together, and we did. I have never been happier, even though I was previously married, had children and grandchildren and cared for my first husband until his death. As did my DH with his former wife. DID YOU EVER ASK HIM WHY HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? YOU SHOULD!

This man sounds too good to be true, but if he doesn't want to get married and you do, you're at an impasse. Maybe he will change his mind, but probably not. Yet if he is that perfect, there is a chance he is a mirage and will just go poof sooner or later! Be assured that if you dump him, he will find another "you" in a very short time.

@Perkup

Surely you realize not everyone has, wants or believes in a religious marriage. And that being married by a religious leader is not legal without a LEGAL license.

You need the legal, the religious is optional.

ITA !!

Apple Crisp · ‎04-08-2010

@Perkup I agree totally with your post. I am a widow and I know that a marriage is a commitment for life where the two of you become one. I took care of my husband until he died and he took care of me in his own way to the best of his ability. This man sounds like he wants all the benefits of marriage without the total commitment.

OP if you really want marriage in your heart, have a calm discussion with him and explain how you feel.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Apple Crisp wrote:
@Perkup I agree totally with your post. I am a widow and I know that a marriage is a commitment for life where the two of you become one. I took care of my husband until he died and he took care of me in his own way to the best of his ability. This man sounds like he wants all the benefits of marriage without the total commitment.

OP if you really want marriage in your heart, have a calm discussion with him and explain how you feel.

Many go into thinking that marriage is a commitment for life, that it's more than a piece of paper. It doesn't always work that way.

MarieIG · ‎03-10-2010

Well, it doesn't matter if 99% of the people on the board say marriage is just a piece of paper, if it's not just a piece of paper to you. I suspect the majority of those people have either been married or didn't want to ever marry anyway. I don't think you need to rush into anything but I would advise not to move in with him and don't issue an ultimatum. I also don't necessarily agree that you are so lucky to have him. You are only lucky if the relationship makes you happy. Maybe he is lucky to have YOU. But think it through, he obviously has a number of qualities that you like and ending the relationship will obviously not be easy.

Do the math.