Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

JesssMe · ‎05-29-2010

Do you want to be married just to say " I'm married" ?

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@Noel7 wrote:
@Goodie2shoes

I think the one thing so many posters don't understand is why you feel guilty being with him in an unmarried state when you did it with someone else for 40 years.

Why?

That would be a good question!

Hyacinth

kelsey17 · ‎04-10-2012

I agree with him.....at this age i know i wouldn't want to get married again......if you love eachother just enjoy the time

you have together.....

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@Noel7 wrote:
@hyacinth003 wrote:
I TOTALLY disagree that "marriage is just a piece of paper."

Especially if it is really important to YOU. I think the OP wants marriage. She is trying to justify the situation to herself, but she's not really happy with it. I don't think she is ever going to be content with it.

Despite all the great qualities this man may have, they disagree on a fundamental one. It is up there with having children or not (at a different age). Not being married says the guy could leave the situation any time he wants. Sure, it happens in marriage, but not so easily. He is having his cake and eating it too. That's great if both are in the same place - but she really is not. Since finances are not an issue, there's no real reason NOT to get married, except he doesn't want to. I guess it raises red flags for me.

I wouldn't say GO, but truly follow what your head and heart say. Don't issue an ultimatum unless you're willing to lose him. See if no marriage is his "final answer."

Hyacinth
@hyacinth003

She was with the father of her children for 40 years, never married. I don't think it's a big deal for her.

Okay! Good question as to why now?

Hyacinth

IamMrsG · ‎08-29-2010

follow your heart.png

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

Edit: Did you date before you met this guy?

You are very lucky, most men in their 40's and older want younger women to date/marry. Most men don't want to marry again, once they had their families when they were younger.

Again, I would keep him.

If your in your 60's, having fun. . Oh yeah!

Also, he's 4 years younger. I bet you are attractive and fit.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@hyacinth003 wrote:
I TOTALLY disagree that "marriage is just a piece of paper."

Especially if it is really important to YOU. I think the OP wants marriage. She is trying to justify the situation to herself, but she's not really happy with it. I don't think she is ever going to be content with it.

Despite all the great qualities this man may have, they disagree on a fundamental one. It is up there with having children or not (at a different age). Not being married says the guy could leave the situation any time he wants. Sure, it happens in marriage, but not so easily. He is having his cake and eating it too. That's great if both are in the same place - but she really is not. Since finances are not an issue, there's no real reason NOT to get married, except he doesn't want to. I guess it raises red flags for me.

I wouldn't say GO, but truly follow what your head and heart say. Don't issue an ultimatum unless you're willing to lose him. See if no marriage is his "final answer."

Hyacinth
@hyacinth003

She was with the father of her children for 40 years, never married. I don't think it's a big deal for her.
Okay! Good question as to why now?

Hyacinth

Yes, indeed

I suspect @YorkieonmyPillow nailed it.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

Sometimes, when someone has something that seems to be hitting on all cylinders except maybe one, maybe it's important to be happy with what they have... Let's face it, having children with this man isn't much of an option... so if everything else is working, a solid caring relationship that didn't include marriage is nothing to scoff at and the lack of the license wouldn't be a deal-breaker...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@hyacinth003 wrote:
I TOTALLY disagree that "marriage is just a piece of paper."

Especially if it is really important to YOU. I think the OP wants marriage. She is trying to justify the situation to herself, but she's not really happy with it. I don't think she is ever going to be content with it.

Despite all the great qualities this man may have, they disagree on a fundamental one. It is up there with having children or not (at a different age). Not being married says the guy could leave the situation any time he wants. Sure, it happens in marriage, but not so easily. He is having his cake and eating it too. That's great if both are in the same place - but she really is not. Since finances are not an issue, there's no real reason NOT to get married, except he doesn't want to. I guess it raises red flags for me.

I wouldn't say GO, but truly follow what your head and heart say. Don't issue an ultimatum unless you're willing to lose him. See if no marriage is his "final answer."

Hyacinth
@hyacinth003

She was with the father of her children for 40 years, never married. I don't think it's a big deal for her.
Okay! Good question as to why now?

Hyacinth

Ok I must have missed that. The OP said that she never married, but has kids. Why does she want to get married now? It doesn't make sense.