Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 36,050
Registered: ‎08-19-2010

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Just guessing I'd say he's worried about it from a money angle.

with men it's always about the money. He's afraid of some kind of money outlay if she gets sick, major things. doesn't want to be legally responsible for anything.

My Aunt has been living with someone for 25 yrs. and one day I broached the subject of if she is responsible for him if he has to go to nursing home in future, etc. 

She said "H*ll no, that's why we never married nobody can come back on either one of us if we have to go to nursing home, long term care, debts, etc."    Makes sense to me.

I'd bet you my car it's about money. Men, hold that dearer then life.

Plus, his kids may be afraid she would stand heir over them when he dies

change the will, etc.

Stories , I could tell........True......

Honored Contributor
Posts: 36,050
Registered: ‎08-19-2010

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@Zhills wrote:

@Goodie2shoes wrote:

Yorkieonmypillow wrote :

I don't think anyone here can give you a proper answer until you explain WHY you want to be married.

 

I would like to know where you are coming from.

 
 
Because I think it's the right thing to do. My children are married, they really like my boyfriend and he likes them. (they actually like him better than their own father)  They know he spends the night with me and I sometimes stay at his place. I enjoy my free nights when he is not here and we just talk on the phone but I just think it's the right thing to do. We both attend church ( not the same one) he says he had been looking for me for 2 years and prayed so shouldn't he want to do the right thing ?

 

Who says that marriage is the right thing to do?

Seems to me that your heart has already said it is the right thing just like it is.  

 

A marriage license only guarantees you his SS if he dies before you.  Doesn't guarantee ANYTHING else!


I think you have to be married 10 yrs before you can draw any man's SS whether it's #1 or 21

Honored Contributor
Posts: 37,847
Registered: ‎06-11-2011

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@Goodie2shoes wrote:

Yorkieonmypillow wrote :

I don't think anyone here can give you a proper answer until you explain WHY you want to be married.

 

I would like to know where you are coming from.

 
 
Because I think it's the right thing to do. My children are married, they really like my boyfriend and he likes them. (they actually like him better than their own father)  They know he spends the night with me and I sometimes stay at his place. I enjoy my free nights when he is not here and we just talk on the phone but I just think it's the right thing to do. We both attend church ( not the same one) he says he had been looking for me for 2 years and prayed so shouldn't he want to do the right thing ?

@Goodie2shoes  He is doing the right thing - for him.  Which isn't the right thing - for you.  He doesn't want to get married again and that's right for him.  You can't force someone to think the way you do.  So again, either enjoy the situation you have, or if it's "too wrong" for you, get out of it.  Only you can decide your tolerance level for what works for you.    If you kick him to the curb, though, please send him my way.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,180
Registered: ‎04-30-2012

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Plaid Pants 2 wrote:

if the two of you are already spending the night at each other's place, then you are already "shacking up".

 

Just understand, that once you tell him "good-bye", you may later regret having made that decision, and realize that doing the "right thing" wasn't so important in the first place.

 

 

You may never find anyone that even comes close to how good his fellow is.

 

 

Why rock the boat?

 

This is funny, I thought "shacking up" meant living together which we are not. I certainly would miss him if I let him go. I don't know what I'm going to do. This is so hard for me ! 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,171
Registered: ‎11-15-2011

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@SharkE wrote:

@Zhills wrote:

@Goodie2shoes wrote:

Yorkieonmypillow wrote :

I don't think anyone here can give you a proper answer until you explain WHY you want to be married.

 

I would like to know where you are coming from.

 
 
Because I think it's the right thing to do. My children are married, they really like my boyfriend and he likes them. (they actually like him better than their own father)  They know he spends the night with me and I sometimes stay at his place. I enjoy my free nights when he is not here and we just talk on the phone but I just think it's the right thing to do. We both attend church ( not the same one) he says he had been looking for me for 2 years and prayed so shouldn't he want to do the right thing ?

 

Who says that marriage is the right thing to do?

Seems to me that your heart has already said it is the right thing just like it is.  

 

A marriage license only guarantees you his SS if he dies before you.  Doesn't guarantee ANYTHING else!


I think you have to be married 10 yrs before you can draw any man's SS whether it's #1 or 21


If you are married when he passes, you can draw it.

If you were married 10 years and then divorced, you can draw it, no matter when the 10 years occurred.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,124
Registered: ‎07-05-2012

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@Goodie2shoes wrote:

Yorkieonmypillow wrote :

I don't think anyone here can give you a proper answer until you explain WHY you want to be married.

 

I would like to know where you are coming from.

 
 
Because I think it's the right thing to do. My children are married, they really like my boyfriend and he likes them. (they actually like him better than their own father)  They know he spends the night with me and I sometimes stay at his place. I enjoy my free nights when he is not here and we just talk on the phone but I just think it's the right thing to do. We both attend church ( not the same one) he says he had been looking for me for 2 years and prayed so shouldn't he want to do the right thing ?

It doesn't matter if he "should" want that or not, nor does it matter why he doesn't. He has told you that the relationship you have now is the relationship he wants. It's up to you to decide if it's the relationship you want. Unfortunately, nobody can help you decide that.  Only you know whether you can be content in the relationship as it is.  Think hard about the pragmatic side of what the other ladies here have said, because that is the reality. Think about whether you'll regret letting him go. If your answer would change based on whether you are able to find somebody else or not, you aren't really being fair to him and should think hard about that.  But if you can say you won't regret looking for what you know you want even if you never find it, that tells you everything.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

@Goodie2shoes  Did you see what I posted?

 

Why not have a conversation with him and explain that your intimate relationship troubles you from a moral standpoint.

 

If he is the man you think he is, then he will understand and you can continue what sounds like a wonderful relationship.

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,373
Registered: ‎04-04-2015

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

 

@Goodie2shoes  Did you see what I posted?

 

Why not have a conversation with him and explain that your intimate relationship troubles you from a moral standpoint.

 

If he is the man you think he is, then he will understand and you can continue what sounds like a wonderful relationship.

 


Why not pray about this together?

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

@Goodie2shoes  Have you given us all the details?

 

Do you already know that he'll end the relationship if you cease intimacy?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,752
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?


@Pearlee wrote:

@Trudey wrote:

What will marriage give you that you don't already have?  He sounds like a keeper to me. Marriage is only a piece of paper.


@Trudey  Does your husband know this is what you think?  LOL Smiley Happy

 

(by the way I agree with you)


 

It is just a piece of paper... although it also carries with it 1000 laws protecting a couple.

 

Love is what's important.  If neither have children, there isn't much reason to marry.  I wouldn't, but I have a daughter to protect from someone else inheriting.  That aside, I would never remarry... date, maybe.