Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

MalteseMomma · ‎03-09-2010

@SilleeMee wrote:
At your fine age of 66, why would getting married be such a deal breaker for you? Honestly, maybe if you were twenty or more years younger then I can see why it would be an important thing. But at 66...??

I totally agree @SilleeMee

sassenach1 · ‎03-09-2010

@Goodie2shoes

I agree with @YorkieonmyPillow because understanding your need to be married is important. From everything you have written, he sounds like a really good one. They are few and far between. It is your life and your decision. Marriage would not be a deal breaker for me at all.

Burnsite · ‎03-10-2010

Honestly, Goodie, I go with my instincts and if yours are saying to go, I think you might want to weigh that as v. important.

Goodie2shoes · ‎04-30-2012

Yorkieonmypillow wrote :

I don't think anyone here can give you a proper answer until you explain WHY you want to be married.

I would like to know where you are coming from.

Because I think it's the right thing to do. My children are married, they really like my boyfriend and he likes them. (they actually like him better than their own father) They know he spends the night with me and I sometimes stay at his place. I enjoy my free nights when he is not here and we just talk on the phone but I just think it's the right thing to do. We both attend church ( not the same one) he says he had been looking for me for 2 years and prayed so shouldn't he want to do the right thing ?

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

If the two of you are already spending the night at each other's place, then you are already "shacking up".

Just understand, that once you tell him "good-bye", you may later regret having made that decision, and realize that doing the "right thing" wasn't so important in the first place.

You may never find anyone that even comes close to how good his fellow is.

Why rock the boat?

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

He should go. That answer is based solely on the fact you want marriage, and he does not.

My heartfelt answer is to look for greater satisfaction in the relationship you currently share. You have the best of both worlds already, but seem too hung up on a fairytale ending.

I've been married nearly 43 years; I love my husband dearly and feel very blessed with our lives together. I've always felt I married the one and only man on this earth who truly "gets" me, and have absolutely no intentions whatsoever to marry again.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I haven't read the replies, but my advice would be to really think this through, because once you let him go, there are no guarantees that you will find someone else that you have such high regard for, or that you are so compatible with. It might be unpopular to say, but as we age, most people come with baggage. Adult kids, health issues, established values and beliefs, and it all gets more complicated to find someone that we are really compatible with, enjoy, and love.

For myself, if something happens to my husband, I will never marry again (I'm in my mid 50's). I'd be so content with what you have right now, the right guy a great relationship and still have all my financial and personal independence.

But, I'm not you, and you may have a need to be married to someone. Only you know that, and why you do, and how much that means. I would not want to risk my financial independence to tie myself to another man at this later stage of life.

I hope that you come to a conclusion that makes you happy and feel fullfilled.

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

@Goodie2shoes wrote:
Yorkieonmypillow wrote :
I don't think anyone here can give you a proper answer until you explain WHY you want to be married.

I would like to know where you are coming from.

Because I think it's the right thing to do. My children are married, they really like my boyfriend and he likes them. (they actually like him better than their own father) They know he spends the night with me and I sometimes stay at his place. I enjoy my free nights when he is not here and we just talk on the phone but I just think it's the right thing to do. We both attend church ( not the same one) he says he had been looking for me for 2 years and prayed so shouldn't he want to do the right thing ?

Who says that marriage is the right thing to do?

Seems to me that your heart has already said it is the right thing just like it is.

A marriage license only guarantees you his SS if he dies before you. Doesn't guarantee ANYTHING else!

I am married, legally. I'd trade it for your situation in a heartbeat.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@Goodie2shoes wrote:
Yorkieonmypillow wrote :
I don't think anyone here can give you a proper answer until you explain WHY you want to be married.

I would like to know where you are coming from.

Because I think it's the right thing to do. My children are married, they really like my boyfriend and he likes them. (they actually like him better than their own father) They know he spends the night with me and I sometimes stay at his place. I enjoy my free nights when he is not here and we just talk on the phone but I just think it's the right thing to do. We both attend church ( not the same one) he says he had been looking for me for 2 years and prayed so shouldn't he want to do the right thing ?

He evidently is okay with the arrangement as it stands.

You, however, sound like you feel conflicted about being intimate with someone you're not married to.

Marriage isn't the only option here.

It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're compatible, except for this one issue.

Have you thought about just explaining to him honestly that you feel wrong about what you are doing - since you're not married - and, while you do love him, you need to cease the overnight visits for your own conscience's sake?

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@Goodie2shoes wrote:
Yorkieonmypillow wrote :
I don't think anyone here can give you a proper answer until you explain WHY you want to be married.

I would like to know where you are coming from.

Because I think it's the right thing to do. My children are married, they really like my boyfriend and he likes them. (they actually like him better than their own father) They know he spends the night with me and I sometimes stay at his place. I enjoy my free nights when he is not here and we just talk on the phone but I just think it's the right thing to do. We both attend church ( not the same one) he says he had been looking for me for 2 years and prayed so shouldn't he want to do the right thing ?

Not knowing if you were a believer, I didn't bring this up before.

What is God telling you when you pray about this? I'm not asking about what other people think or what the "rules" are, but what is God telling you - and him?