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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,565
Registered: ‎05-31-2022

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?

No, my DIL didn't mention it and neither did anyone else. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,629
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?


@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:

I would never expect thank yous from grieving people, I give people lots of grace in that area. Empathy because I've been through lots of it myself.

I wouldn't send any if that's your attitude about it, frankly. Including about how much you spent on them.

When my Mom died her former boss/supposed friend insisted on paying for the flowers for the funeral. She couldn't attendl the funeral and my stress level was honestly grateful for that (one would have to experience her to understand). She actually emailed me the invoice for the flowers that included the price! Unbelievably tacky.

It was two huge flower arrangements that were not my Mom's taste at all. Not that I wasn't grateful and I did thank her. But the flowers were about her and not about my Mom, if you knew her you would know that's a fact.


@Greeneyedlady21 Sadly but in my personal expeience some gifts really are more about the satisfaction of the giver rather than the recipient.  

 

And I figured this out about myself after a couple of epic gift disasters of "something they wouldn't think of buying for themselves." 

 

Hard to admit, but then I learned the hard way!  Woman Embarassed

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,565
Registered: ‎05-31-2022

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?

I routinely send donations to several charities and said earlier that I do that when the obit requests donations in lieu of flowers. I think I have now decided no more flowers. Not because of not getting thank-yous, but because no one seems to expect them or want them anymore. I am now realizing they are considered a burden to the family and I had never, ever considered that before. I guess you learn something new every day.

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 113
Registered: ‎09-21-2011

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?

I , personally, would not stop sending a plant or flowers. I lost my husband of 46 years last May. I got many plants and flowers. I loved that the funeral home took the cards off after the service and took a Polaroid  of the flowers or plants and stapled them to the cards.It help helped me to be able to thank a person for what they actually sent. It took me a while(3weeks) to send out the thank you notes but I did it. I was helped a lot by the cards stapled to the picture. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,428
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?


@Trailrun23 wrote:

I routinely send donations to several charities and said earlier that I do that when the obit requests donations in lieu of flowers. I think I have now decided no more flowers. Not because of not getting thank-yous, but because no one seems to expect them or want them anymore. I am now realizing they are considered a burden to the family and I had never, ever considered that before. I guess you learn something new every day.


I frankly am shocked at the comments here. That flowers, plants or food are a burden and not wanted by mourners. 

Wow.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,565
Registered: ‎05-31-2022

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?

I do think thank-yous are a thing of the past as well, just like sending Christmas cards. I guess I am old enough to remember when it was considered good manners. Manners just aren't expected or taught anymore, I suppose. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,653
Registered: ‎03-21-2010

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?

They aren't manners. They are customs.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,468
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?


@occasionalrain wrote:

@CalminHeart 

We are all judgemental including you. We decide with whom we want to be friends, who's trustworthy and who isn't...

In my family, our funerals are private. Flowers, food, and cards are sent to our homes. Their kindness means a lot to me and I want them know.


 

Yes, I'm judgmental.... of people who judge others. I don't judge based on receiving a thank you note.

 

I already know my friends appreciate whatever I send them. I don't need a thank you. They are going through enough with a death in the family or special events. 

 

I do send thank you notes. As I posted before, I just sent out 57 over 2 days. It took another 2 days for my arthritic thumbs to work again.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,284
Registered: ‎11-08-2014

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?

I would just say,  don't lose heart, @Trailrun23 .   The inner impulse of kindness, and simple recognition of others' existence, that manifests in us as good manners, won't ever be extinguished.  

 

I agree, that it is easy to despair based on behavior we see all around us.  Perhaps fewer will be taught-- but that doesn't mean *none* will be taught.  Some things  are timeless, and are recognized as worth preserving,  regardless of naysayers.

 

At least some others are out there, ready to appreciate and cheer on, the little courtesies that make life better.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,447
Registered: ‎03-19-2014

Re: Should I stop sending flowers?

I wouldn't stop sending flowers!  Around here, Flowers, plants, throws, lanterns, chimes, etc. are sent to the funeral home and a thank you is generally expected.  When my dad passed away about 7 years ago, my mom and I split the cards and wrote out thank yous.  It was a priority for us and it was something to help keep my mom occupied afterwards.  People also sent memorial gifts to our church and our church secretary gave us a list and that was divided up with thank you cards also being sent to those that donated.  

 

Our funeral home actually provides the thank you cards as part of the services they provide.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
- Author Unknown