Community Chat

[I like celery]

I'm so sorry, R&R. I can only imagine how painful it is for your friend's family, and to you as a good friend. I was also thinking something similar to what deepwaterdotter already mentioned, which is how beneficial the therapist will be to you at this time (I know you recently mentioned you would be seeing a new therapist soon). If you remember, I also mentioned a therapist helped me out a few years ago with a loss I had experienced. I am hoping the same for you, too. Take great care.

[BellaPaprika]

R&R, sometimes there is nothing anyone can do to stop a person who is determined to end their life. Sometimes they have been planning it for some time. Other times it is done on an impulse which could well be the case with your friend especially if she suffered auditory hallucinations. Either way, please do not beat yourself up over it. The circumstances were beyond your control.

Focus instead on all the good times the two of you shared and know that you brought some happiness into her life. God bless.

[hckynut]

R&R,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your good friend. Condolences to everyone that loved her.

[kittymomNC]

R&R, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. I know that this is a particularly difficult way to lose someone close to you.

I hope the passage that dooBdoo posted by Norman Vincent Peale will give you some peace. I have often said that people who have not suffered from emotional illnesses may be sincerely sympathetic and caring, but there is no way they can truly understand what goes on in the mind of a person with emotional illness. It is every bit as real and painful (sometimes more painful) as a serious physical illness, and I know this in various ways from personal experience. People are so different, what affects one person one way can affect another person in a totally different way. And where one person may be very strong and able to cope with whatever life throws their way, others just don't have that strength. (I am in tears for you and from the emotion this passage from Norman Vincent Peale brings up in me...)

"They took toll of his energies and endurance. They exhausted the last vestiges of hiscourage and strength. At last these adversaries overwhelmed him. And it appeared that he lost the war. But did he? I see a host of victories that he has won!

For one thing -- he has won our admiration -- because even if he lost the war, we give him credit for his bravery on the battlefield. And we give him credit for the courage and pride and hope that he used as his weapons as long as he could. We shall remember not his death, but his daily victories gained through his kindnesses and thoughtfulness, through his love for family and friends, for animals and books and music, for all things beautiful, lovely and honorable. We shall remember the many days that he was victorious over overwhelming odds. We shall remember not the years we thought he had left, but the intensity with which he lived the years he had!" (From the passage by Norman Vincent Peale)

None of us will ever know what has gone on in the mind of person who ends their life. We don't know the struggle, or how hard they fought. Please take solace in knowing that you were there for your friend when she needed you, but you could not prevent what happened because apparently she had fought the battle as long as she could. Now is the time to take care of yourself and pay no attention to those who tell you what you "should have done". You did everything you could, and I'm sure she is looking down on you today and thanking you for that.

[Mominohio]

On 4/10/2014 dooBdoo said:

I offer my condolences and prayers. I have lost loved ones to suicide and I know what it's like to be suicidal. I want to share this, as it has helped me, my family and close friends in our grief. I apologize for the length, but this is only an excerpt. The full passage is available at the link, and worth reading:

When Someone Takes His Own Life

Excerpt from: The Healing of Sorrow
By Norman Vincent Peale

"Suicide is often judged to be essentially a selfish act. Perhaps it is. But the Bible warns us not to judge. And I believe this is one area where that Biblical command especially should be heeded.

I think our reaction should be one of love and pity, not of condemnation. Perhaps the person was not thinking clearly in his final moments; perhaps he was so driven by emotional whirlwinds that he was incapable of thinking at all. This is terribly sad. But surely it is understandable... Each one of us, probably, has a final breaking point--or would have if our faith did not sustain us. Life puts more pressure on some of us than it does on others. Some people have more stamina than others. When I see in the paper, as I do all too often, that dark despair has rolled over some lonely soul, so much so that for him life seemed unendurable, my reaction is not one of condemnation. It is, rather, "There but for the grace of God…"

And my heart goes out to those who are left behind, because I know that they suffer terribly... The immediate family of the victim is left wide open to tidal waves of guilt "What did I fail to do that I should have done? What did I do that was wrong?"

A few days ago, when a young man died by his own hand, a service for him was conducted by his pastor, the Rev. Warren Stevens. What he said that day expresses, far more eloquently than I can, the message that I'm trying to convey. Here are some of his words:

"Our friend died on his own battlefield. He was killed in action fighting a civil war. He fought against adversaries that were as real to him as his casket is real to us. They were powerful adversaries. They took toll of his energies and endurance. They exhausted the last vestiges of his courage and strength. At last these adversaries overwhelmed him. And it appeared that he lost the war. But did he? I see a host of victories that he has won!

For one thing -- he has won our admiration -- because even if he lost the war, we give him credit for his bravery on the battlefield. And we give him credit for the courage and pride and hope that he used as his weapons as long as he could. We shall remember not his death, but his daily victories gained through his kindnesses and thoughtfulness, through his love for family and friends, for animals and books and music, for all things beautiful, lovely and honorable. We shall remember the many days that he was victorious over overwhelming odds. We shall remember not the years we thought he had left, but the intensity with which he lived the years he had!

Only God knows what this child of His suffered in the silent skirmishes that took place in his soul. But our consolation is that God does know and understands."

--Norman Vincent Peale (pastor and counselor)

http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/materials/when_someone_takes_his_own_life.htm

I guess this does say it all, and I found it to be helpful when dealing with feelings I had when people I have known have committed suicide. I'm so sorry you are experiencing the pain of this loss, and will keep you, and your friend's family in my prayers.

[firstsoprano]

So sorry to hear of the loss of your dear friend. Know that she is now at peace and in God's loving arms.

Prayers being said for you as well as your friend's family.

God Bless!

Judy

[brii]

OMG!

[moonstone dunes]

some of the things posted here can be hurtful to some groups. the person that is posted about is in a protected group just as any of those disabled are in a protected group. stigma is perpetuated. please some posters be mindful of this.