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Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,009
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

I have bought three "registry" gifts in the recent past, if you buy on line the company handles the shipping, easy peasy

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,049
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

I have never understood the shower thing.  If someone I care about is having a baby or getting married or having a birthday I would like to give them something without having to attend a boring party.  Having a baby, marriage, etc. should not be something I have to fork out money for or celebrate unless I am close to the person and want to.  I have been to showers and never seen the person again.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,111
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

On the other hand, if someone who was important to me was getting married or had a baby, I would buy them a gift whether I was able to go to the wedding, shower, party, or not. I emphasize "if somebody who was important to me" because at one point in my life, I was working in a doctor's office where the staff would come and go before you could blink your eyes. It was mainly a staff of very young gals who would party together on weekends. Some of them were literally strangers to me. I didn't even know their last names. They determined (at that time) that the going rate for a wedding was $50 per couple.Every time one of these gals left to get married, have a baby, or whatever, they were hitting me up for money to buy a gift "from the office staff." I must have been invited to 20-25 events over a couple year period. As soon as they got married or had a baby, they were gone. Some of these gals didn't last 3 months in our office.

 

Finally, I put my foot down and said that I was not contributing to anymore group gifts. I told them why and said that if I felt that I wanted to buy a gift for someone, I would buy my own. A few other people followed suit. A lot of offices at that time would have an office "pool" of money (a small monthly contribution), and all gifts were purchased from that. 

 

I ended up going to the major department stores when they had huge clearance sales. I would find things like absolutely gorgeous hors d'oeuvre platters for 90% off. I bought a bunch of them for $6 each, and that's what people got from me.

 

 

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,421
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

I don't want to attend any more showers (baby or bridal), where small children are present anything, birthday parties for people I rarely see, or weddings.  I don't want to buy anyone gifts either - for a while there I really believed the invitation was so that I was obligated to purchase and send a gift.  I am cranky in my older age.  

 

Never hear from nieces and nephews after many years of gifting for many occasions and attending many parties and recitals, sporting events, etc.  Got a text message from the granddaughter the day after Christmas (and we sent a nice gift)!  It's a different world and not very personal - it's all about social media and themselves.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,035
Registered: ‎02-04-2014

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

My pet peeves are:

I usually get no 'Thank you' notifications (that's another subject).

I usually get invites to showers for the 2nd child of same gender.

I usually get invites to showers/events that's a four-hour drive for me (rd. trip).

   (Why invite me just for cake & ice cream?)

I some times get invited to a "third" wedding.  Uncle~!

 

 

 

-

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,832
Registered: ‎05-06-2016

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

Most of my friends are already married with older kids, or single, or widowed so I don't get invites to lots of showers, which is fine with me. But I did attend a bridal shower last Saturday for my sister-in-law's sister. She was registered at Target and Bed, Bath & Beyond. I looked at each registry, trying to find something within my budget. I find them helpful in seeing what they're asking for, and if I can find something similar for cheaper, I buy somewhere else. It also lets me know who's bought what so there's less of a chance of duplicating a gift.

 

One of the items they asked for was a Rubbermaid lid and container set for twenty bucks at Target. I used my Red Card and got 15% off and free shipping. She was thrilled that I got it for her. The funny thing was most of her gifts were not from the registry, I only saw a few things she and her fiance had requested. She also got money and gift cards too. 

 

If you're invited to a shower, it's a given you need to bring a gift so why grumble about it. On the other hand, If you hardly know the person, don't talk to them on a regular basis and you don't feel comfortable attending or getting something I would politely decline. It's their problem if they feel slighted.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 28,988
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.


@CARMIE wrote:

@NYC Susanwrote:

@Sunshine45wrote:

 

 

i think it is easier to purchase from the registry, but no one is forced to do that. if you care about or love the person why wouldnt you want to go and help her celebrate a new life?


 

This has been my question on these forums for a long time.  So many posters seem to get bent out of shape when they receive invitations to events.  Apparently it starts a whole cycle of aggravation and ill will that I just don't understand.

 

I'm happy to be invited, and I'm happy to share in the joy of family and friends at special occasions. I don't suspect ulterior motives and I don't feel put upon or taken advantage of or angry or judgmental.   If for some reason I had no interest in the people or the event, I would simply send my regrets and not attend.  All of this angst is simply beyond my understanding.


I worked for a company that mostly employed women.  Almost every month there was some kinda party going on at work.  There were birthdays, showers for weddings and babies on the way, along with sprinkles. 

 

The parties even went as far to include grandma ahowers.

 

It isn’t always family and friends...it’s co-workers too.  I finally stopped participating in everything...oh, you were requested to bring food too.

 

Some people got upset with me, but I worked to make money and not spend it on people I know from work. 

 

You have to draw the line somewhere and be prepared to take heat for your decision.  Some people just can’t draw that line.  They complain, but are afraid if the heat, so they give in.  It can be a hostile environment if you are not a team social player at work.


 

@CARMIE

 

Sorry, but holding GRANDMA showers is .....   ridiculous!   Never heard of anything so stupid.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 28,988
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.


@skylark wrote:

Buy what you like and can afford. But really is there anything more boring than a wedding shower? My daughter and I have decided we're done with wedding showers. 


@skylark

 

Um ... yes there is.  Baby showers are just as boring, if not more  ....  and guests are expected to sit there and Ooooh   and  Ahhhh ?     Give me a break.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,813
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

I didn't read the responses as I don't have time, but just wanted to say that when I got married 54 years ago, I was registered at a store, and at my shower, my Mom gave me a place setting of china, and I got 8 more place settings at the wedding, The first Christmas she gave me the creamer and sugar set, and she died six months after the wedding, but she started me on this, and I used the set for special occasions, and now since moving to an apartment, and no room, my daughter is displaying the whole set in her curio cabinet.  I see it all the time when I go there babysitting her twins.  I got other gifts too, of course, and that was great!! But for those who wonder what to get, the registry is good.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,756
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

@Tinkrbl44  Don’t feel sorry for thinking that Grandma showers are stupid.  I agree.

 

Some of the ladies had several, back to back in the same year...each time a new grandchild was born.  I never participated in any of them.