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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,091
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

I don't attend showers for anyone unless they can't afford to provide what they need for themselves. That is what showers were always meant to be, charity disguised as a party.

 

I attend engagement parties, weddings, christenings, and graduation parties. I always give money to graduates, sometimes money for weddings, never money for engagements, and for christenings I give a bond and an engraved gold or silver something.

 

However, I don't attend or send a gift unless those involved are important to me. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,609
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

In my opinion, a gift is just that, it's a gift. It isn't a request or a requirement and it should have no strings attached to it, from either the giver or the receiver.

 

We don't run in a circle or have family that we get invited to a lot of giftable occasions. Maybe one or two a year, and sometimes several years pass with none. 

 

I tend to do what I want for gifting. What I don't do is give more than I feel is appropriate for the relationship or more than what I can afford for such things. 

 

My personal opinion is that if I can use the registries to get them something they really want because they have chosen it, I will do that most of the time, as I don't want to waste my money giving something they don't like, don't need, won't use. 

 

Once in a while I do believe I 'know better' than them about something they will love, but haven't asked for. This doesn't happen often, but one example is the baby showers of my cousin's  expecting sons a couple of years ago. 

 

Both couples were young, first babies, and all expecting parents were still living at home, or just getting their first place. 

 

They were registered for so much infant clothing, and the grandparents to be were furnishing all the 'big stuff', like furniture, car seats, strollers etc. 

 

I got really cute lined baskets, and filled them with 30 new children's books, from cloth style for infants, up to picture books for later, and everything in between. 

 

On the day of the shower, the girls unwrapped so many clothes, there is no way they would ever all be used. There were tons of blankets, infant toys etc., but I was the only one that bought books. 

 

The gifts were well received, and having been a new mom only 18 years before them, I remember how quickly they outgrew anything infant, but books were used for years and years.

 

And when all else fails, money is a great gift for most occasions like this, as people can pool the money from various guests, and purchase something big they really need or want.

 

But I too get tired sometimes of invites to things that require money be spent for gifts. When it gets to be too much, we simply decline invitations we feel aren't really necessary for us to accept and move on.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,862
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

[ Edited ]

@mominohio wrote:

In my opinion, a gift is just that, it's a gift. It isn't a request or a requirement and it should have no strings attached to it, from either the giver or the receiver.

 

We don't run in a circle or have family that we get invited to a lot of giftable occasions. Maybe one or two a year, and sometimes several years pass with none. 

 

I tend to do what I want for gifting. What I don't do is give more than I feel is appropriate for the relationship or more than what I can afford for such things. 

 

My personal opinion is that if I can use the registries to get them something they really want because they have chosen it, I will do that most of the time, as I don't want to waste my money giving something they don't like, don't need, won't use. 

 

Once in a while I do believe I 'know better' than them about something they will love, but haven't asked for. This doesn't happen often, but one example is the baby showers of my cousin's  expecting sons a couple of years ago. 

 

Both couples were young, first babies, and all expecting parents were still living at home, or just getting their first place. 

 

They were registered for so much infant clothing, and the grandparents to be were furnishing all the 'big stuff', like furniture, car seats, strollers etc. 

 

I got really cute lined baskets, and filled them with 30 new children's books, from cloth style for infants, up to picture books for later, and everything in between. 

 

On the day of the shower, the girls unwrapped so many clothes, there is no way they would ever all be used. There were tons of blankets, infant toys etc., but I was the only one that bought books. 

 

The gifts were well received, and having been a new mom only 18 years before them, I remember how quickly they outgrew anything infant, but books were used for years and years.

 

And when all else fails, money is a great gift for most occasions like this, as people can pool the money from various guests, and purchase something big they really need or want.

 

But I too get tired sometimes of invites to things that require money be spent for gifts. When it gets to be too much, we simply decline invitations we feel aren't really necessary for us to accept and move on.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

What she said!  I give a gift because I want to from my heart. If I found that I resented giving a gift, I simply would express my regrets and not attend the celebration. Who needs an atmosphere of resentment, judgement and stinginess at a joyous celebration?


'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown
Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,599
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

Do you knit or crochet?  

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,034
Registered: ‎12-16-2011

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I was unable to read them until this afternoon. I love the idea of buying a gift card to the store the person in question is registered with. That he way, he or she (usually she) can put the gift cards she may receive together and purchase that big ticket item.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,056
Registered: ‎05-09-2016

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.


@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@skylark wrote:

Buy what you like and can afford. But really is there anything more boring than a wedding shower? My daughter and I have decided we're done with wedding showers. 


@skylark

 

Um ... yes there is.  Baby showers are just as boring, if not more  ....  and guests are expected to sit there and Ooooh   and  Ahhhh ?     Give me a break.


This is exactly why I just don't go to showers. I despise them. The last shower that I went to was a wedding shower for the daughter of my best friend. The bride-to-be had requested "no games, no passing around the gifts for people to paw at". Gifts were placed on a table as they were opened, but we still had to put up with the games. I do send a gift when invited if it's someone that I'm close to, otherwise I just send my regrets and best wishes. 

~The more someone needs to brag about how wonderful, special, successful, wealthy or important they are, the greater the likelihood that it isn't true. ~

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,704
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

I don't mind gift registries, but I rarely buy a gift, I give money.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,874
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.


@sissel wrote:

Oh get the register, vera lang yes 1 bath towel is $25 oh yes well wrote out a check hope you got a few of your vera wang towels. never in my life would I ever spend $25 for a towel but seems she wanted it. Good luck. Young & stupid also enjoy.


 

I've spent $25 (and more) for good-quality towels.  If it's not your preference to do the same, that's fine.  But it's wrong to judge someone for what they like and don't like, and I doubt she's at all stupid.  That's pretty harsh.  It's just a gift.  Give something else if it's so offensive to you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,243
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

I dont often buy something on the registry.  I have found for most baby gifts a pair of baby UGGS and a beanie are the hit of the shower.  They have so many styles and colors of UGGS! And they are so warm and comfy for baby!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,217
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: She doesn't like to go if she has to buy a Gift.

I only attend an event if the person is important to me and if they are I want to give them a gift, I'm excited and happy for them.  Sometimes I give money, sometimes I buy a gift, depends on the occassion and if I know what the person would like.  Now work is a different story, they have good-bye parties, baby showers, etc. all the time and I don't attend or give a gift if I don't know the person very well.  That gets old.  In my personal life I've never been invited to any type of event unless I know the person very well.