Community Chat

[Luma2]

You could try to get a DNA test?

Concerning birth certificates, every state probably uses a different form.

I really enjoy watching "Finding Your Roots" on PBS Tues. nights with Professor Gates.

[ical]

Thanks for the replies and suggestions.

This is my feeling about this situation. I think my "mother" almost died when she gave birth at that time. She had a severe reaction to the gas or drug or combination of both, with birthing too involved, which almost killed her. I have seen and heard this so many times from her and family members who were alive at that time (they are gone now). But I remember them speaking about that close call my mother was subjected too, but survived.

So was I her child? Maybe my father slipped me (not the biological child) into my mother's arms and she never knew.

Or: I am the child and she is not my mother because my real mother died. But that's hard to figure out because then why did my dad have her move in and have another baby…

There is a chance I may be a replacement for my mother (who lost her baby) because my aunt was in a situation at the same time…exact same time. My aunt was in a hostile situation with her (then) husband--so much so she was injured and hospitalized and pregnant. The story that was told was that she "lost the baby".

Maybe I am that baby? The replacement for my mom. My aunt was abandoned by her "husband" and at that time some divorce and some church-related thing was done (I am trying to remember what it was, I am not affiliated with any religion but what I remember is some approved process??).

Anyway, I am going to ask (again) my mother. But I do not think she may know…or doesn't want to remember.

As for DNA, that is a good idea. Not sure how to do this without being obvious about collecting spit! There is no way my mother would allow me to swab the inside of her mouth!

Thanks again, everyone. I'm still trying to figure this out.

[lolakimono]

Get your sibling's DNA and if they're not a match then you know for sure.

[Colonel Meow]

You don't need saliva to test DNA. You could also use a strand of her hair that still has the root attached. There would be ways that you could collect her DNA without her noticing (such as taking a few strands from her hair brush, etc.)

[Pickwickpapers]

A few misaligned letters on a birth certificate copy is not proof that the parents who raised you are trying to hide your true lineage. If you are at least 40 years old before computers/printers don't expect perfection on legal forms. The important question is if you did find out that the parents who loved and raised you aren't your bio parents what are you going to do about it? At this point what difference does it make? You said a favorite uncle gave you really nice birthday gifts when you were younger. ..........that is not a reason that he should be considered as a possible bio dad. You may not agree, and speculation on what might have been is interesting and a way to justify things in your life but the parents who loved you are your real parents. My good wishes to you in which ever direction you go and whatever you find out regarding these issues in your past.

[LilacTree]

I had a friend who adopted a child, a baby girl, when she thought she was unable to have children. Subsequent to that she did have two biological children whom she clearly favored. Once the adopted child turned 18, she went on a quest to find her biological mother. My friend was furious, but she could not stop her. My friend was also very resentful that the adoption agency she had used did not disclose anything about the mother. They didn't in those days.

The girl did find her biological mother and quite large family. And she went up and stayed with them quite a bit for the first few years. It was then that my friend pretty much disowned her (not physically or openly, but mentally/emotionally).

As it turned out, the girl became very disappointed in her biological family. She herself was diagnosed as bipolar (a term not used much anymore) and discovered that her mother and some of the others in the family, siblings, etc., were somewhat mentally challenged. So little by little that relationship ended. However, my friend had already put her out of her life emotionally, so now this girl has no one to turn to. My friend is very hard on her and has taken her out of her will (which is a pretty large estate, as my friend is wealthy). Her excuse is that the girl is not responsible and will fritter away the money (like her other two won't?).

Another sad aspect of this situation is that the girl had a son who shot himself at age 19. He was her only child. My friend did not take this very hard, as she didn't consider him her "real" grandchild. She put on a front of caring, but that's all it was, and the girl knows it. The only person who has stood by this poor girl is her ex-husband, her son's father, who sends her money every month even though they are divorced. She has never been able to work.

It's almost impossible these days not to be able to find someone, with all the technology available for that purpose. But I would say in this case, the girl would have been far better off not looking for and finding her biological mother/family. It may have made a difference in her life with her adoptive mother . . . but I'm not even totally sure of that.

I think that sometimes it works out and the adoptive and biological mothers find a way to get along, but I don't think it happens often. I think the adopted child has a right to know he/she was adopted, but I'm not sure how wise it is to make the connection, and would suppose it depends largely upon the emotional stability of those involved which, in this case, was no one.

[Free2be]

The most curious entry on the certificate is the last name that you don't recognize. At first I thought possibly your parents were not legally married on the day of your birth but you would recognize your mother's maiden name . . . unless she had a history of using two different last names . . . the mystery deepens.

I would do an ancestry.com search on that first and maiden name, hoping it isn't a very common name -- but if you could nail it down to that city or county it might provide another clue and go from there to find who that person is -- family or other.