Re: Saying NO to overnight house guest request

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@goldensrbest@I didn't say send them money for vacation,just a little treat such as ice cream...Just because we survived without summer trips doesn't mean they aren't a wonderful treat that people enjoy very much.

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@Financialgrl wrote:
I value my privacy - have travelled extensively with friends over the past 10 years and we decided when we began - everyone will have their own room and pay their own way, period. I don't allow ppl staying with me - and I don't stay with ppl other than my sister - that's what hotels are for! Intruding on ppl is a good way of losing friends or creating bad situations with family.

I presently have a longtime best girlfriend from HS (I'm in my 60s) and she lives 25 minutes away and made the comment recently that now that she's retired, she wants to come stay with me a few days in a brand new home I just built to "reconnect". She KNOWS I don't stay with ppl and I don't want ppl staying with me and yet she keeps saying that she wants me to set it up. I told her "ain't happening".

@Financialgrl, she lives 25 minutes away and wants to overnight for a few days? Why doesn't she come for a visit and then go home? Holy moly! I'm with you. I only want people I invite and I don't invite that often. Just family and not all family. LM

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Financialgrl wrote:
I value my privacy - have travelled extensively with friends over the past 10 years and we decided when we began - everyone will have their own room and pay their own way, period. I don't allow ppl staying with me - and I don't stay with ppl other than my sister - that's what hotels are for! Intruding on ppl is a good way of losing friends or creating bad situations with family.

I presently have a longtime best girlfriend from HS (I'm in my 60s) and she lives 25 minutes away and made the comment recently that now that she's retired, she wants to come stay with me a few days in a brand new home I just built to "reconnect". She KNOWS I don't stay with ppl and I don't want ppl staying with me and yet she keeps saying that she wants me to set it up. I told her "ain't happening".

She lives 25 minutes away? She can visit daily for a few days in a row. What a weird request.

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

@missy1 wrote:
@Financialgrl wrote:
I value my privacy - have travelled extensively with friends over the past 10 years and we decided when we began - everyone will have their own room and pay their own way, period. I don't allow ppl staying with me - and I don't stay with ppl other than my sister - that's what hotels are for! Intruding on ppl is a good way of losing friends or creating bad situations with family.

I presently have a longtime best girlfriend from HS (I'm in my 60s) and she lives 25 minutes away and made the comment recently that now that she's retired, she wants to come stay with me a few days in a brand new home I just built to "reconnect". She KNOWS I don't stay with ppl and I don't want ppl staying with me and yet she keeps saying that she wants me to set it up. I told her "ain't happening".

She lives 25 minutes away? She can visit daily for a few days in a row. What a weird request.

My point exactly - she says it's to "reconnect" after all these years - well I can do that in an hour. My main issue with someone staying with me - I find it extremely exhausting having to "entertain" someone and I enjoy having the ability to go out with ppl but returning to the quiet solitude of my own home afterwards.

Jackhound Mom · ‎03-09-2010

I agree your answer was absolutely correct! How many people in our lives do we really love enough to cook and clean for? Usually just immediate family like others have pointed out.

Years ago a new friend had told me that her boyfriend encouraged her to make friends with me because I was moving to another state and she would have a "free place" to vacation at! I explained that we did not have overnight guests, period.

Also a sister-in-law wanted to come and bring her 2 big dogs. DH said "no."

Please don't beat yourself up over your honest decision!

Cat

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@sunshine45 wrote:
after reading this thread, i feel like i may be the only one who actually has houseguests/family stay with us......and usually enjoy it.

I enjoy it too.

I love my privacy, but I really love having close friends and family stay with me. Notice I said "close". No matter how long my (grown) kids stay, it never feels like enough. And it's the same for my best friend, who lives in Europe, as well as other friends and family. I know these people well enough to know that they won't treat me as though I'm hired help, and I know that we'll all have a good time. And we always do.

A week can be a long time even under ideal circumstances, so someone inviting themselves for that length of time is really outrageous, especially when there's not even a close relationship. I've never invited myself to stay in anyone else's home ever, even for one night, and I wouldn't dream of it.

OP, there's no question that you did the right thing in this case. For so many reasons.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Big Sister wrote:
Wow, I admire you for saying NO! You did the right thing.

Many of us should follow your lead and just say NO.

It seems that pretty much every poster here would have no problem just saying no.

JaneMarple · ‎05-23-2011

I love when my sister and my kids come to visit, I love getting ready and preparing meals for them. Two of my kids, my twin sister and my cousin homes I can stay a week or two and feel very comfortable. We go out to dinner, and events, stay home and cook together while reminiscing about family who are no longer here.

You Don't Own Me- Leslie Gore
(You don't Know) How Glad I Am- Nancy Wilson

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@suzyQ3 wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
I am glad you said NO, because I don't think they would have left in a week.
It was no vacation, it was get away from the drama-of-my-life type of stay.
I can imagine her inviting the ex for a visit, while at your home.
Sounds like a lot of fun!
@missy1, I understood it to be that the woman's husband is an ex-con, so he would definitely be there.

Yes, I thought this was all of them, kids and husband included.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@JaneMarple wrote:
I love when my sister and my kids come to visit, I love getting ready and preparing meals for them. Two of my kids, my twin sister and my cousin homes I can stay a week or two and feel very comfortable. We go out to dinner, and events, stay home and cook together while reminiscing about family who are no longer here.

I feel the same way. With certain people, it can really be nice having time together around the clock. It's a whole different feeling than simply spending an afternoon or evening together. There's time for planned activities, spontaneous stuff, downtime, and whatever else. I love having every minute possible with people I love, and it's wonderful to have lots of time to actually talk, reminisce, etc.

For me, being together like that is usually relaxing and fun.

(These are of course people I know well and people I invite to my home.)