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07-21-2017 04:59 PM - edited 07-21-2017 05:01 PM
What an awkward position for your extended family to put you in. Glad I downsized. Now, only closest family and friends use our guest room. As someone mentioned earlier -- I like this phrase -- "I'm sorry, this doesn't work for me." (you never owe anyone an explanation except to perhaps say -- "As I have already said, this doesn't work for me.")
My sis has a beautiful home on a lake with dock and big water toys. Her husband's neice and family just left. Several extended family spend a week in summer at her home and she's good with it. A lot of work for her, though. This group had colds and now my bro-in-law has strep and is feeling awful. He wished they would have rescheduled, but trip and time off from work was planned. Sis told me they're going create a flyer for people who visit in the future, including a clause about -- now that we're in our 60s, please refrain from visiting while you're sick.
Make it work for you.
07-21-2017 07:12 PM
I am glad you said NO, because I don't think they would have left in a week.
It was no vacation, it was get away from the drama-of-my-life type of stay.
I can imagine her inviting the ex for a visit, while at your home.
Sounds like a lot of fun!
@missy1, I understood it to be that the woman's husband is an ex-con, so he would definitely be there.
07-21-2017 07:24 PM
Great thread, and everyone is on the same page. No nasty, snarky replies, what a joy to read all the posts. Count me in, saying no was the right thing to do, no guilt complex necessary.
07-21-2017 08:40 PM
Drug addicted ex-con! Are you kidding! Please don't even think of having them stay at your house. You can't imagine what you might be letting yourself in for. Since he is a drug user and isn't working, he must get money from somewhere to support his habit. Probably would be from your belongings or purse.
I for one love to have family/friends who are in the area visit and stay overnight or so (probably not for a week tho in most cases). Two of my friends do once a year and other family occasionally, but I would never consider someone in the situation you describe even visiting my home let alone staying a week (not even for one night). Do not trust this situation.
I did like the suggestion of sending the children money for treats, but I regret to say it is doubtful it would go to them, it would go for drugs. There is no reason for you to feel guilty in the least. I doubt your cousin really expected that you would agree - it would be very foolish of you to let this situation into your home.
07-22-2017 06:20 AM
I value my privacy - have travelled extensively with friends over the past 10 years and we decided when we began - everyone will have their own room and pay their own way, period. I don't allow ppl staying with me - and I don't stay with ppl other than my sister - that's what hotels are for! Intruding on ppl is a good way of losing friends or creating bad situations with family.
I presently have a longtime best girlfriend from HS (I'm in my 60s) and she lives 25 minutes away and made the comment recently that now that she's retired, she wants to come stay with me a few days in a brand new home I just built to "reconnect". She KNOWS I don't stay with ppl and I don't want ppl staying with me and yet she keeps saying that she wants me to set it up. I told her "ain't happening".
07-22-2017 07:34 AM
No one should come to your house to stay overnight unless invited.
If you cannot afford a hotel stay at home. Even if invited you should make arrangements for your pets to stay elsewhere. I have 3 little dogs and would never take them to someone's home.
07-22-2017 09:03 AM
I really appreciate all the positive responses here. It makes me realize by saying NO, I didn't need to have guilt about this issue.
It is up to me who I let into my home. It would be so much work and that should only be
done out of desire, not obligation.
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