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Honored Contributor
Posts: 23,338
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@Yardlie. Anyone who would invite themselves to visit me better plan to stay in a hotel and not in my home.  I like my  privacy.   I would do the same if visiting them.  I do not want people living with me.  Good for you for saying how you feel!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,327
Registered: ‎05-09-2016

I say "NO" to anyone who tries to invite themselves to visit me at the beach 100% of the time. I offer to provide a list of hotels in the area and suggest we might be able to meet for lunch one day. I had one couple that was so insistent that they just had to come see me for a few days (while they were on their annual mooching tour of Florida) that I finally said "my goodness, we never even get together for dinner or a movie at home, why on earth would you want to make a point of seeing me when we're 1300 miles away?". I think they finally got it.  If I invite someone, that's a different story, but self inviters are always turned away. 

~The more someone needs to brag about how wonderful, special, successful, wealthy or important they are, the greater the likelihood that it isn't true. ~

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,392
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

I think your SiL wants a free hotel and dog boarding service for her family's vacation, not a visit with you. Few things hurt worse than being used by people who abuse a family relationship. I have a shirttail relative that did this to me once. I didn't accommodate them again. Glad you stood your ground.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,421
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@IamMrsG wrote:

@occasionalrain wrote:

@aggravated wrote:

My sister-in-law phoned Friday to request, once again, that she and her husband stay with us for two nights over the weekend in two weeks.  I am beyond irritated.  I have NEVER stayed in their home.  When they lived near us all the get-togethers were at our house including this couple and their parents.  I once asked my husband if his sister had two broken arms?  This has become a constant.  They travel all over the place to dog shows (and stay in hotels while doing so) and vacation in their RV for three months at a time.  If you can't afford a hotel - do not plan a "visit".  My husband said yes, of course, and when I objected to being an on-call B&B told me it was his house too.  UGH!!

 

I should add they have other friends in the area that they wish to visit since not all of us can pick up and move to Florida or elsewhere.


I hope you allow your husband to look after the guests he invited. If you cook and entertain his guests then you are a doormat. His guests, his responsibility.


@occasionalrain  

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Thanks both!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

OP, from the information you provide here, her responses and past history to go by - congratulations! Well done 👍🏻

Life without Mexican food is no life at all
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,101
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Said "No" to Company!

[ Edited ]

@Yardlie

 

Of course you're right! Your SIL should obviously know you have your mom & her health issues. 

 

Just wrong for her even to "ask" without considering your situation. 

 

Sometimes I wonder about what our family member are thinking!🤔 Oh right it's all about "their" wants & needs!

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,752
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Yardlie

 

You did the right thing, you said no and meant it.  You're not a hotel.  And the dog?  Seriously?  No.

 

There are so many people like that around, they will run you ragged if you don't take a stand.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,801
Registered: ‎04-04-2015

@Yardlie wrote:

@chrystaltree wrote:

@aggravated wrote:

My sister-in-law phoned Friday to request, once again, that she and her husband stay with us for two nights over the weekend in two weeks.  I am beyond irritated.  I have NEVER stayed in their home.  When they lived near us all the get-togethers were at our house including this couple and their parents.  I once asked my husband if his sister had two broken arms?  This has become a constant.  They travel all over the place to dog shows (and stay in hotels while doing so) and vacation in their RV for three months at a time.  If you can't afford a hotel - do not plan a "visit".  My husband said yes, of course, and when I objected to being an on-call B&B told me it was his house too.  UGH!!

 

I should add they have other friends in the area that they wish to visit since not all of us can pick up and move to Florida or elsewhere.


 

       Well, I hate to say it but it your husban's home too and this is his sister and a 2 night visit with 2 weeks notice really is not unreasonable.  I understand that you are still upset about the other thing which you handled.  That's over.  If your husband wants them to come for the 2 days, I don't think you have choice but you can dictate the terms of the visit.  You should call and say, "we'd love to have you for the TWO days but we are busy with projects and caring for my mother, so you will have to shop and cook and clean up after yourselves".   


@chrystaltree ... Just to clarify, this is not my husband's sister. This is my late brother's wife (my SIL). My husband does not want them here at this time either. We have enough on our plate right now. As I said, I told them that two of them would be welcome this summer. We cannot put up with four extra adults and a dog. It is way too much work, and it would really cause my mother a lot of confusion.


So then actually your mother is her former mother in law.  And yet, she has no concern about your mother's condition and how her visit would disrupt it.  Somehow that makes her demand even more selfish.  Continue to say no. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,065
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Yardlie

I love the saying "it is his/her temper tantrum and it is theirs to own." 

The saying puts the responsibility right where it belongs. 

You did all you could to deflect their demands graciously.

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Yardlie  for what it's worth. I started a thread on AF asking people if they  liked overnight guests. Almost everyone ,except for a handful said no, and there were a lot of responses. People were vehement about not liking overnight guests period

 

Even if your situation were different, it doesn't mean you have to have guests, just because someone wants to stay with you.  Most people would wait for an invitation ,to begin with, and when one wasn't forthcoming, only the very rude would invite themselves, and the plain old clods ,are the only ones who would bring along extra people and a dog