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Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

@Yardlie wrote:

@ChynnaBlue wrote:

First, good for you. I think you did the right thing.  Second, I want to address this quote:

I remained firm with my response and said that if two of them wanted to come maybe over the Fourth of July or Labor Day, we would be happy to accommodate them...but not four adults. I told her that I could recommend some nice hotels for the other two. She tried to put a guilt trip on me by saying that "They are just kids and don't have the money for hotels." (They are approx. 30 years old...both college grads).

 

If they have student loans, she's right, they probably can't afford a hotel. 37% of college graduates under 40 carry student debt and the average is $40,000 per student. And the average pay of someone in that same age range is under $35,000 a year. It's pretty bad out there. You can check it out here: https://www.yellowbrickprogram.com/blog/millennials-and-debt-the-long-term-effect

 

But if your sister-in-law was really worried the "kids" couldn't afford a hotel, she could have suggested that they stay with you and that she get a hotel. And that she'd leave the dog at home and not bring the nephew's girlfriend. She didn't because she wants a free ride for everyone and the dog.

 

She sounds like a real piece of work and I'm glad you said no.


@ChynnaBlue ... Bringing the girlfriend really surprised me....what nerve! She even told me that they had their plans to come here made already. I couldn't believe that. I told her that she should have checked with us before making plans. Also, we have a cat who is terrified of dogs. We have to keep her in one room with the door closed when a dog is present.


The dog is beyond me. If you have small children or dogs, you have set your home up so that it's safe for them. If you do not have small children or dogs, your home is not prepared and no one should expect it to be. I don't have a dog because I'm allergic to dogs, but if I did, I would absolutely never assume I could bring it with me to stay in someone else's home. That's totally ridiculous.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,010
Registered: ‎08-29-2010

@Yardlie  You have the support of every woman here who has been, or currently is, in the position of being hostess to uninvited guests.  It is a major imposition.

 

The only 2¢ I can add is my opinion that you don't owe either a reason or an excuse to say "no."  I've learned that a person who has the gall to invite theirself will have no compunction against using a rebuttal for any point against it you may try.   I say this from experience, and I've learned to say, "That will not work for me" then remain stone silent to any remarks that follow.

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 35,113
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: Said "No" to Company!

[ Edited ]

@IamMrsG wrote:

@Yardlie  You have the support of every woman here who has been, or currently is, in the position of being hostess to uninvited guests.  It is a major imposition.

 

The only 2¢ I can add is my opinion that you don't owe either a reason or an excuse to say "no."  I've learned that a person who has the gall to invite theirself will have no compunction against using a rebuttal for any point against it you may try.   I say this from experience, and I've learned to say, "That will not work for me" then remain stone silent to any remarks that follow.


@IamMrsG

 

Good point .....  

 

To put it another way ...    "NO is a complete sentence."

Valued Contributor
Posts: 904
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

If they really wanted to spend time with you and your husband they would have called back saying they would stay in an hotel.

As an alternative the sister in law could have sent the niece and nephew alone.She could have stayed home with the dog.Of course now she is mad at you and doesn't even realize that her request was crazy.

Why bring the boyfriend?I would not accept a stranger in my house.Many years ago while I was visiting my parents in Italy, my husband invited his 3 nephews over for 1 week.

I believe they stole a gold necklace my grandmother gave me when I was a teenager.Now I have replaced it with another one I got from HSN.It still bothers me after 22 years that I lost the one grandma gave me.When I moved from that house I was hoping to find the necklace somewhere.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,709
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

This might be the only post in the history of the forums where every poster is in agreement!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 35,113
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

@queendiva wrote:

This might be the only post in the history of the forums where every poster is in agreement!


 

@queendiva

 

Great observation !!!   LOL    Woman LOL

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

GOod for you!   IT sounds as if she is a PITA anyway so if she is mad and does not speak to you again it doesn't seem like any great loss.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,881
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

I'm with you! 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,407
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

@Yardlie, you did absolutely the right thing.  It is important to take care of yourself, especially as a caretaker for someone with dementia, and not be stressed with the burden of company, especially four adults and their dog. 

 

Since the "children" are way past being kids, and one is starting a new job, it would make sense that they would take a real vacation away from parents and other relatives.  There are plenty of places that they could drive with their dog and have a wonderful time. 

 

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of your own needs.  Now, if they would like to come and manage your household and let you leave for your own vacation.....

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,120
Registered: ‎04-17-2015

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@queendiva wrote:

This might be the only post in the history of the forums where every poster is in agreement!


 

@queendiva

 

Great observation !!!   LOL    Woman LOL


 

 

Let us relish this kumbaya moment....

 

Image result for kumbaya gif