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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,111
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I am so grateful to all of you for your responses, support, and suggestions. At this point, I am just very stressed out and busy taking care of my mother, the house, and ourselves. I have to keep a close watch on my mother as she does strange things. The doctors are not totally sure if it is vascular dementia or Alzheimers.

 

Whatever, we are just not up to company right now. I don't think someone who has never cared for a person with dementia can totally understand. One of us has to be home with my mother at all times. DH and I cannot go out together unless we can find someone to come and sit with my mother while we are gone....or we take my mother along.  We are looking into the Alzheimer's Association and other resources. We might be able to get her some home health care. I know that there are volunteers who will come and sit with the person while you are gone. Just alot to learn right now about caring for someone with this condition.

 

Thanks again to everyone for taking time to respond to this thread.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,111
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@Plaid Pants ... Oh...thanks for the clarification.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

@Yardlie wrote:

I am so grateful to all of you for your responses, support, and suggestions. At this point, I am just very stressed out and busy taking care of my mother, the house, and ourselves. I have to keep a close watch on my mother as she does strange things. The doctors are not totally sure if it is vascular dementia or Alzheimers.

 

Whatever, we are just not up to company right now. I don't think someone who has never cared for a person with dementia can totally understand. One of us has to be home with my mother at all times. DH and I cannot go out together unless we can find someone to come and sit with my mother while we are gone....or we take my mother along.  We are looking into the Alzheimer's Association and other resources. We might be able to get her some home health care. I know that there are volunteers who will come and sit with the person while you are gone. Just alot to learn right now about caring for someone with this condition.

 

Thanks again to everyone for taking time to respond to this thread.


 

 

 

@Yardlie

 

 

 

My Heart goes out to you, with all that you are doing.

 

 

It isn't easy.

 

 

 

If it were, everybody would be a caregiver.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 35,081
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

@Yardlie

 

Wow.    First, I think you did the right thing, and should defintely stand you ground.  Don't waver, even a little.

 

I have to ask .....   was her intent to visit YOU or whatever area you live in?      Were you guys closer when your brother was alive?   

 

I can't imagine people coming to my home, plopping themselves down and say, basically, okay .... we're here, entertain us.    Yeah, right.   

 

If this comes up again, please email her a search of various priced hotels and motels in your area.    Your casa is NOT her casa.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,843
Registered: ‎04-14-2013

I am willing to accommodate hardship for those going through it.

 

That does not include people attempting to vacation from their life, at my expense, and at the expense of my life.

 

I have a relative who has been making a yearly pilgrimage to my area for some years now, and expects that "all of us" will again schedule our lives around it, and I have had to put my foot down, and say no.  A visit, yes.  A stay, no.

 

Nobody's business what I consider to be aspects of my private life, that I wish to be respected.

Cogito ergo sum
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,010
Registered: ‎08-29-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:

@aggravated wrote:

My sister-in-law phoned Friday to request, once again, that she and her husband stay with us for two nights over the weekend in two weeks.  I am beyond irritated.  I have NEVER stayed in their home.  When they lived near us all the get-togethers were at our house including this couple and their parents.  I once asked my husband if his sister had two broken arms?  This has become a constant.  They travel all over the place to dog shows (and stay in hotels while doing so) and vacation in their RV for three months at a time.  If you can't afford a hotel - do not plan a "visit".  My husband said yes, of course, and when I objected to being an on-call B&B told me it was his house too.  UGH!!

 

I should add they have other friends in the area that they wish to visit since not all of us can pick up and move to Florida or elsewhere.


I hope you allow your husband to look after the guests he invited. If you cook and entertain his guests then you are a doormat. His guests, his responsibility.


@occasionalrain  

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Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,921
Registered: ‎06-12-2013

Re: Said "No" to Company!

[ Edited ]

You did good, Yardlie!

 

What gets me is the utter selfishness of her not giving a darn about your situation now. Grr

 

She would be a permanent NO VACANCY at my home from here on out.

 

ETA: Even if you weren't in this situation with your mother, it is your right to say no.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,333
Registered: ‎06-20-2010

@Yardlie  -  Some people don't understand the word, "No."  You did the right thing and don't back down.  I hope she isn't the type to just show up at your door with the crew in tow.  If so, don't answer the door!  You've definately got a lot on your plate caring for your mother and as others wrote, would add too much confusion for her.  You did nothing offensive, you were honest and your SIL didn't like the answer, but too bad for her.  I think you handled the situation perfectly!  Hugs to you for caring for your precious mother!

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,648
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I agree with - Good for you!    I would have had to say the same thing.   Sure, nobody wants to be inhospitable but, what the heck?   I cannot imagine in a million years inviting myself to ANYBODY'S house - ever!

 

Then, to also say 'and btw, I'm bringing some more people and their kid and dog'?   Seriously?     That's pretty ballzy and uncouth.

 

Don't feel bad about your decision.  You made the right one for you.  I'm sorry, but polite people just don't invite themselves to other peoples' houses and they certainly don't bring more people and a dog.  I have nothing against dogs, but it just goes without saying that unless you know the dog would be welcome - well, heck - unless the dog was INVITED - you just don't do that.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,758
Registered: ‎01-18-2012

@Yardlie. Do not feel bad or worry about this you handled it just right - you have enough to contend with so do not feel guilty.  Take care of yourselves and healing thoughts to your Mom.