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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,995
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@aggravated wrote:

My sister-in-law phoned Friday to request, once again, that she and her husband stay with us for two nights over the weekend in two weeks.  I am beyond irritated.  I have NEVER stayed in their home.  When they lived near us all the get-togethers were at our house including this couple and their parents.  I once asked my husband if his sister had two broken arms?  This has become a constant.  They travel all over the place to dog shows (and stay in hotels while doing so) and vacation in their RV for three months at a time.  If you can't afford a hotel - do not plan a "visit".  My husband said yes, of course, and when I objected to being an on-call B&B told me it was his house too.  UGH!!

 

I should add they have other friends in the area that they wish to visit since not all of us can pick up and move to Florida or elsewhere.


I hope you allow your husband to look after the guests he invited. If you cook and entertain his guests then you are a doormat. His guests, his responsibility.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,605
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

you and your husband have a twentyfour hour a day job being caretakers. 

You are doing the very best thing for all in saying no!

Good Job!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,945
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

@aggravated wrote:

My sister-in-law phoned Friday to request, once again, that she and her husband stay with us for two nights over the weekend in two weeks.  I am beyond irritated.  I have NEVER stayed in their home.  When they lived near us all the get-togethers were at our house including this couple and their parents.  I once asked my husband if his sister had two broken arms?  This has become a constant.  They travel all over the place to dog shows (and stay in hotels while doing so) and vacation in their RV for three months at a time.  If you can't afford a hotel - do not plan a "visit".  My husband said yes, of course, and when I objected to being an on-call B&B told me it was his house too.  UGH!!

 

I should add they have other friends in the area that they wish to visit since not all of us can pick up and move to Florida or elsewhere.


"It's his house too".... ROFL....of course it is, but who does all, and I mean ALL the work??  Tell him fine and he can develop the menu, making the food, shopping for the food, and cleaning the house and making sure everyone has clean sheets, towels, etc, etc....  I will bet hard money he won't be doing any of that....  

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*
Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

@faeriemoon wrote:

I can't believe she kept arguing with you after you said no.  Who does that?


People who only care about themselves.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,713
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@Yardlie: Good for you!

No one can impose on us without our permission. Sounds like your SIL has some nerve! Apart from your situation at home with your mother, IMO you need no reason or explanation to decline self-invited house guests- ever!  Your home, your choice. The fact that she and her DD were so much work the last time? She sounds both clueless and selfish to me. Sounds like there was no reason to visit you other than to take a vacation and save on lodging for four people AND a dog!

 

Do not give the call or the SIL another thought.  If she went away mad, maybe she will stay away (although I doubt it). Never second guess yourself when you have stood your ground in an honest way!

 

FWIW: I rarely stay overnight in someone's home who is not my sibling, and if I do it's one night MAX, and I would NEVER, under any circumstances, initiate the invite.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,111
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@cherry wrote:

It seems like she showed no concern ,how all of this was going to affect your ill mother. Dementia is hard to deal with as it is. Any deviation from what  people are used to ,can be highly upsetting for them


@cherry, Yes I have learned that about people with dementia becoming very confused when their life deviates from the norm. We traveled at Christmas, and my mother didn't know where she was or if our vacation was over. (It hadn't even begun yet.) No more traveling. Even little changes in things around the house confuse her.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,923
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I applaud you and sticking to your guns.  I too experienced the same thing with my sister trying to bring her whole tribe down (my sister's boyfriend, her daughter, her boyfriend the great grands and everything else) to stay at my house while visting our mother who also has dementia.   I agree they should stay at a hotel if it's more than one or two because it also disrupts my mother's home attendant from doing her job with all these people around that she hardly remembers. 

 

Some adults don't get it;  even when my husband and I travel to visit our elders or sick family memebers we always stay at a hotel.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,984
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

@Yardlie Good for you!!  I think it's ridiculous that anyone would give in and let someone rudely invite themselves for a vacation!!  She can get a room and they all can stay there since there is no objection to sleeping on the floor!!  I can't even enjoy myself staying at someone's home and I always stay at a hotel.  If they do not have the money then they need to stay home!!!   

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,599
Registered: ‎06-29-2015

@Yardlie, I got steamed just reading your post!

 

Besides the rudeness of that request, what steams me is that ADULTS in their 30s, are now considered "kids"....even by themselves!

"He/she is just a kid.", "I'm just a kid!"

Give me a break!

 

Now-a-days, so many adults in their 20s and 30s have remained almost infantile.

Do you remember what we were doing when we were in our 30s???

Certainly not traveling with mommy and daddy, expecting to be catered to!

 

And I'm sorry, but being saddled with student loans doesn't cut it for me. I'd bet you a dollar that they'd be all for booking a hotel room in Vegas!

Muddling through...
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

I could never invite myself over to someone's house for a stay.

 

I was taught that that was rude.

 

If I were invited, at first I would decline their offer, because I wouldn't want to impose, or put them out, in any sort of way, and I would say so.

 

But if they insisted that I stay, I would make it a SHORT stay, take a hostess gift, offer to do chores, and keep my room as clean as I found it.

 

But, quite frankly, I just feel more comfortable staying in a hotel.

 

I like the privacy, and if I want to parade around the room naked, I can.