Reply
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,421
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Said "No" to Company!

[ Edited ]

My sister-in-law phoned Friday to request, once again, that she and her husband stay with us for two nights over the weekend in two weeks.  I am beyond irritated.  I have NEVER stayed in their home.  When they lived near us all the get-togethers were at our house including this couple and their parents.  I once asked my husband if his sister had two broken arms?  This has become a constant.  They travel all over the place to dog shows (and stay in hotels while doing so) and vacation in their RV for three months at a time.  If you can't afford a hotel - do not plan a "visit".  My husband said yes, of course, and when I objected to being an on-call B&B told me it was his house too.  UGH!!

 

I should add they have other friends in the area that they wish to visit since not all of us can pick up and move to Florida or elsewhere.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 27,427
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

You handled the situation admirably.  You told the truth and didn't waffle.  I don't care if a person has a 10 room house, 4 people and dog is too much unless the person themselves invited all 4 people and the dog.  No one with class would do such a thing.  Yes, she's angry now because they expected free room and board.  If you are close, wait a couple of weeks and extend an invitation to her and her husband to visit, make at a time that is convenient for you and stipulate "you and George".  You handled it the way I would have. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,455
Registered: ‎02-04-2014

Your mother's health is foremost.  If your SIL does not understand that, then she's selfish.  You have nothing to feel guilty about.  Bless you for taking care of your mom~!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,501
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@aggravated wrote:

My sister-in-law phoned Friday to request, once again, that she and her husband stay with us for two nights over the weekend in two weeks.  I am beyond irritated.  I have NEVER stayed in their home.  When they lived near us all the get-togethers were at our house including this couple and their parents.  I once asked my husband if his sister had two broken arms?  This has become a constant.  They travel all over the place to dog shows (and stay in hotels while doing so) and vacation in their RV for three months at a time.  If you can't afford a hotel - do not plan a "visit".  My husband said yes, of course, and when I objected to being an on-call B&B told me it was his house too.  UGH!!

 

I should add they have other friends in the area that they wish to visit since not all of us can pick up and move to Florida or elsewhere.


@aggravated Sounds like you should plan a little get away for yourself that week-end and let your dear husband cater to all in his part of the home.  I know you love him dearly but my blood would be boiling over all this for sure.  Take a trip, see the world or just sit in your own inexpensive motel room watching t.v. in your p.j.'s and eating fast food take out for a couple of days.  No on to bother you, that is a vacation!!  Hang in there.

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."
Valued Contributor
Posts: 752
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I think you handled it very well. She is persisent isn't she.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

First, good for you. I think you did the right thing.  Second, I want to address this quote:

I remained firm with my response and said that if two of them wanted to come maybe over the Fourth of July or Labor Day, we would be happy to accommodate them...but not four adults. I told her that I could recommend some nice hotels for the other two. She tried to put a guilt trip on me by saying that "They are just kids and don't have the money for hotels." (They are approx. 30 years old...both college grads).

 

If they have student loans, she's right, they probably can't afford a hotel. 37% of college graduates under 40 carry student debt and the average is $40,000 per student. And the average pay of someone in that same age range is under $35,000 a year. It's pretty bad out there. You can check it out here: https://www.yellowbrickprogram.com/blog/millennials-and-debt-the-long-term-effect

 

But if your sister-in-law was really worried the "kids" couldn't afford a hotel, she could have suggested that they stay with you and that she get a hotel. And that she'd leave the dog at home and not bring the nephew's girlfriend. She didn't because she wants a free ride for everyone and the dog.

 

She sounds like a real piece of work and I'm glad you said no.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 27,427
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

@aggravated wrote:

My sister-in-law phoned Friday to request, once again, that she and her husband stay with us for two nights over the weekend in two weeks.  I am beyond irritated.  I have NEVER stayed in their home.  When they lived near us all the get-togethers were at our house including this couple and their parents.  I once asked my husband if his sister had two broken arms?  This has become a constant.  They travel all over the place to dog shows (and stay in hotels while doing so) and vacation in their RV for three months at a time.  If you can't afford a hotel - do not plan a "visit".  My husband said yes, of course, and when I objected to being an on-call B&B told me it was his house too.  UGH!!

 

I should add they have other friends in the area that they wish to visit since not all of us can pick up and move to Florida or elsewhere.


 

       Well, I hate to say it but it your husban's home too and this is his sister and a 2 night visit with 2 weeks notice really is not unreasonable.  I understand that you are still upset about the other thing which you handled.  That's over.  If your husband wants them to come for the 2 days, I don't think you have choice but you can dictate the terms of the visit.  You should call and say, "we'd love to have you for the TWO days but we are busy with projects and caring for my mother, so you will have to shop and cook and clean up after yourselves".   

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,520
Registered: ‎03-04-2012

Good for you @Yardlie!  I'm glad you stood firm!  That's ridiculous to think you should put them up when you are taking care of your mother.  Shame on them! 

 

My sister has visited me a few times and if she came again I would ask that she stay at a hotel.  I have dogs and she doesn't like them, but my opinion is, it's my dogs' home, not hers. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,945
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

I would have done the exact same thing!  The lack of sensitivity coming from that crowd is amazing!  You have your ill Mother staying with you and I can't imagine anyone being crass enough to push all these people AND A DOG on you for THEIR vacation.... and then has the gaul to be upset WITH YOU???    

 

Good grief..... some people....  Woman Mad

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,655
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

I can't believe she kept arguing with you after you said no.  Who does that?

~ It helps if you imagine Auto Correct as a tiny little faerie in your phone who's trying so hard to be helpful, but is in fact quite drunk. ~