Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,576
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

I grew up in a family where our home was like a boarding house.  We had family and friends visit all of the time and as a kid, I got moved to the living room floor.  There always was someone sleeping in my bed other than me. i am very open to guests in my home.

 

You seem like a very hospitable person and have opened your home to family before.  This time around, I can see that four adults and a dog is way too much for you to handle along with taking care of your mother.

 

You did the right thing.  Your SIL should accept what you told her.  It is very bad manners to beg and try to make you feel bad because you cannot accommodate the whole tribe with short notice and you don't have the room.

 

Don't feel bad, you handled it well. She is angry because she didn't get her way.

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,296
Registered: ‎09-18-2010

Good for you. When we have traveled to visit family, we have always stayed at motels. I didn't want to put anyone out. And ITA, 2 weeks is not enough time to get ready for company.

I think your sis in law was being pushy and rude. And in all honestly, if they don't have money for a motel, they probably need to save whatever money they do have for an emergency anyway.

And I would never expect for someone to let me bring one of my dogs either. I love animals. Have 3 dogs. They are a lot of work.

If these people had come, it would probably take you a good month go recuperate, it would me.

I think you handled it fabulously! Your sis in law can get glad in the same pants she got mad in and if she doesn't, too bad.

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,828
Registered: ‎04-04-2015

I think you did absolutely the right thing and I applaud you for standing up to her trying to guilt you into giving in to her outrageous demands.

 

My DH's sisters are both like that (but interestingly not his brother and his wife).  They have as much money as we do, but act as if we owe them.  When they visit, they never offer to cook or clean up after themselves and they expect us to take them sightseeing.   My one SIL just left and after including herself in a bridge group we attend, when asked if she was going with us on our cruise (we are leaving this week), she sighed and said - "No I'm just the little sister (she's 73), and they never do anything like that for me."

 

Of course, she and her husband are about to leave for Switzerland in a couple of weeks, but hey what can I say - she's oppressed.

 

I should not forget to mention her generousity tho.  As a thank you gift for her two week visit, she gave me a squeegee thing to help me do dishes.  I am overwhelmed.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,151
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Good for you @Yardlie for saying no. I had this happen recently where a family member and their family members (5) wanted to stay with us while on vacation but in my case it was 3 days notice. I told them to stay in a hotel. That is no notice and we don't have the room. 

 

30 year olds don't have the money for a hotel? Then they should stay home!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,658
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

In your OP, SIL says, "They said that some of them could sleep on the floor. She said they have done that at other places they have stayed."

 

That tells me that this is a habit with them, vacation somewhere where they can impose on others and save a buck.

 

And if they offered no help around the house the last time they came, why would this time be any different? Trust me, it wouldn't be.

 

People teach you who they are.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,120
Registered: ‎04-17-2015

Her hissy fit -- her problem.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,658
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Isobel Archer wrote:

I think you did absolutely the right thing and I applaud you for standing up to her trying to guilt you into giving in to her outrageous demands.

 

My DH's sisters are both like that (but interestingly not his brother and his wife).  They have as much money as we do, but act as if we owe them.  When they visit, they never offer to cook or clean up after themselves and they expect us to take them sightseeing.   My one SIL just left and after including herself in a bridge group we attend, when asked if she was going with us on our cruise (we are leaving this week), she sighed and said - "No I'm just the little sister (she's 73), and they never do anything like that for me."

 

Of course, she and her husband are about to leave for Switzerland in a couple of weeks, but hey what can I say - she's oppressed.

 

I should not forget to mention her generousity tho.  As a thank you gift for her two week visit, she gave me a squeegee thing to help me do dishes.  I am overwhelmed.


@Isobel Archer

 

LOL! LOL!

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,497
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

You did great and I am proud you stuck to your needs and your immediate family's needs.  If they really want to see you and the city you live in then a motel for a couple of nights and a dinner out or in with you should be a treat for them.  However, it does sound like they are only looking for a close to free vacation with a chef and personal maid service to boot.  If she calls back have a couple of close by motel phone numbers to offer to give her.

If this causes hard feelings then she is not worth the effort of what you have done in the past.  Your Mom is the priority.

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,596
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I believe this is called Setting Boundaries.   In the late Dr. Wayne Dyers book Pulling your own strings, he talks about manuplative relatives.  Your response was just what he said to do when this occured.  

 

BTW, now that you've done it once, it will be easier next time.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,120
Registered: ‎04-17-2015

@Isobel Archer.... the squeegee!  Oh, hahahahahahahahahaha!!!  Too much!

 

Next time your SIL visits, after dinner, hand her the squeegee and say, "Thanks again for the gift. It works great! I think you should try it out."  :-D