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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,111
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

My husband and I have a nice home that we built right after retirement. My mother (who has dementia) lives with us in her own little "suite."

 

We have one guest room and one other room that could be a bedroom, but we use it as an office.

 

Yesterday, my sister-in-law (my late brother's wife) called from Philadelphia and wanted to come for a visit with her daughter the week after next. They had been here before, and we gave each of them a separate room. We just put an inflatable bed in the office. Well, this time they wanted to bring along my nephew...and his girlfriend...and their dog!

 

First, my mother has just been diagnosed with dementia, and we are still making some changes around the house to aid her. Second, that is way too short notice for a vacation. Third, are they serious??? Do they really think four adults can pile in on us? When DH and I visited them in Philadelphia, we always stayed in a hotel. My brother left his wife well set financially when he passed.

 

I just came right out and said "No...not at this time." I explained that we did not have room for four more adults and that it would be too crazy around here for my mother (and me). My SIL begged and begged because her daughter is starting a new job and won't be able to get time off work probably for a year. They said that some of them could sleep on the floor. She said they have done that at other places they have stayed.

 

I remained firm with my response and said that if two of them wanted to come maybe over the Fourth of July or Labor Day, we would be happy to accommodate them...but not four adults. I told her that I could recommend some nice hotels for the other two. She tried to put a guilt trip on me by saying that "They are just kids and don't have the money for hotels." (They are approx. 30 years old...both college grads).

 

The last time they visited, they expected me to do all the cooking and clean up, and I worked my tail off. She also said, "We're family...we won't be any extra work!" I told her that she needed to give us a couple month's notice before coming, as we have our own plans and need to make sure we have time to spend with them.

 

Needless to say, she was not happy with my response, and I could tell she was angry when we hung up. Did I say anything offensive? How would you have handled this situation? Thanks so much!

 

 

 

 

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,152
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Said "No" to Company!

[ Edited ]

Good for you! With your mother recently diagnosed with dementia, you were well within your rights to say no! Do not back down! You have enough on your plate!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,286
Registered: ‎02-07-2011

I would have done exactly what you did.  Good for you that you didn't give in to her whining.  You are not running a b&b.  That's what hotels are for.  30 year olds should grow up and be responsbile for themselves.  Good grief!!

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,652
Registered: ‎06-19-2010

I don't like to impose on people. I feel if I can't afford to stay in a hotel I won't go. I am visiting a friend in October and she offered me her spare bedroom but I told her no, I would stay at a hotel. I like my privacy, and don't want to interrupt their schedules. Plus the husband works and the last thing he needs is me in the way. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,223
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Echoing what has already been posted here.  Good for you!  You have a lot on your plate. As the song goes (paraphrasing), "You have 99 problems and they are not one of them."

 

 

If your face brightens when you meet a friend, you have struck gold. - unknown
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,500
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I certainly can understand you saying no, that is too many people wanting to come, don't feel guilty.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

If she is well off, she could have coughed up the funds for the extra 2, to say in a hotel

 

I would never impose on anyone, especially with everything you have going on.

 

Who brings a dog with them?  Your sil sounds rude and selfish to me.  I can't believe the nerve of some people

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,884
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Yardlie I think you have a lot to contend with your mother and so more people in the house needing attention would be difficult.If they were to offer to help cook and do some of their own sightseeing would that be easier on you?You don't seem ready for company at this point so I think you made the right decision.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,371
Registered: ‎06-19-2010

Good for you and don't feel quilty at all. Four guests and a dog, no way, and a parent living with you with dementia. My father had Alheimers, that was a full time job. Some people just don't get it, the world revolves around them. Glad you stood your ground, not easy. And don't change your mind.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,102
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I think your sil had a lot of nerve trying to make you feel guilty..how dare her...four people and a dog is way too many to make room for so they can vacation...don't break down and change your mind...you have enough to deal with your mom ...