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Posts: 6,290
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

SOME OF THE BEST READER'S DIGEST JOKES CONTINUED

[ Edited ]

 

21.   The Village Blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours.  The Blacksmith instructed the boy, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this anvil.

         The apprentice did as he was told, now he's the Village Blacksmith.

 

22.   A hobo knocked on the door of the St. George and the Dragon Lady Inn.  The landlord answers.  "Could you spare a poor man something to eat?" asked the hobo.  "No, yells the woman, slamming the door in his face.

        A few minutes later, the hobo knocked again - "Now what do you want?" the woman asks.  "Could I have a word with George?"                              Submitted by 

                                                     David Mitefo

 

23.   "What does the word "contemplate" mean?" the college student asked his English professor.  "Think about it" - the

professor answered.  "Ugh" the student groaned, "Can't you just tell me?"                                 Submitted by 

                                                      Dean Thayer

 

24.   A man is on trial for armed robbery.  The jury comes

back with the verdict.  The foreman stands, clears his throat and announces, "Not Guilty."  the defendant leaps to his feet.  "Awesome!"  he shouts.  "Does that mean I get to keep the money?"                             Submitted by

                                                         Lauren Adelson

 

25.   Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his stool and lies motionless on the floor.  "One thing about Fred," his buddy says to the bartender.  "He knows when to stop."

 

26.   The manager of a jewelry store nabs a shoplifter trying to steal a necklace.  "Listen, the crook says, "You don't want any trouble, and neither do I.  What do you say I just buy the necklace and we forget this ever happened."  

The  manager agrees and writes up a sales slip.

         "You know, says the crook, "This is more than I want to spend.  Got anything less expensive?"

                                                        Submitted by

                                                         Rosemary Covet

 

27.   Between us snakes...

        Snake 1:  Are we poisonous?

        Snake 2:  I don't know, why?

         Snake 1:  I just bit my lip.

                                                       Submitted by

                                                       Faith Lackey

 

28.   Something Fishy...

        "I think my goldfish is having a seizure," a man tells the

veterinarian.  "He seems fine now." says the vet.  "Now, sure. But wait until I take him out of the bowl."

 

29.   Q:  You're riding a horse at full speed.  You're being chased by a lion and there's a giraffe in front of you.

How will you escape this highly dangerous situation?

         A:   Get off the carousel.              Submitted by

                                                         Stephanie Finlayson

 

30.   The other day I was thinking, "I must be the most unobservant person in the world."  Then I thought, "Well maybe other people are equally unobservant and I just haven't noticed before.  

                                       Submitted by D. Norris

 

                                 

                                  To Be Continued

                             Compiled by Andy Simon

                             RD.com and Robert Liwang

                             read by Reader Digest.ca

 

 

                                                

 

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,517
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: SOME OF THE BEST READER'S DIGEST JOKES CONTINUED

My DH said what are you laughing at so he read these and now he's laughing. Thanks @Lindsays Grandma  🙏❤️☕️