LADIES - first and foremost, I hope that you will be able to give me some guidance, because I am simply devastated by what just happened to me with my so called boyfriend.
We have been dating for 2 months - and it has been a whirlwind--he works 7 on/off and even when he hasn't been in town, we talk for a min of 3 hours on the phone every night.
I was crazy in love with him--he has been good to me--although a little on the tight/cheap side, but he seemed to be coming around. I have some important things in my life that he has jumped in and helped me out with and eagerly done so.
During the time we have been dating, we have spoken of marriage--in the first few weeks he pushed real hard to get married--and I did not--but I have not been married in 30 years (i am a very young 62 and he is 56, but he looks older than me)--so all of a sudden I am swept into the idea of having a beautiful, fairly grand second wedding at a hotel, design a dress, etc. and get excited telling my family and friends all about this--i have had some really hard times in the last 15 years, so all of these people are extremely excited for me and so now I am going full speed ahead planning the wedding. All of a sudden, we have a disagagreement one afternoon and he decides that we need more time and need to date for a year before getting married.
As heartbroken as i was about the wedding plans being called off, i felt that my love for him was so strong that i did not want to end our relationship and would put my very hurt feelings, and the humiliation of now telling friends and family that the wedding was off, aside and go forward with him because i loved him so much.
Well, things were going extremely well - I was proud of myself for not caving into my anger and for letting myself enjoy the romantic relationship that was progressing ---and i knew i had made the right choice. We seemed to be getting even closer, and so much so that we started planning the wedding again.
But, just yesterday he left his phone in the car & i turned the phone over to see that it is his so called "former" girlfirend calling--so i tell him to call her back & put it on the speaker--well he does, but he says that he and I are in the car--which, i took as a warning to her not to say anything, and, of course, she does not. But now I make him show me the history of the call and I discover months of text messages--so here I am thinking that he had ended that relationship 6 months ago. Apparently, she continues to text him a lot, and while he has almost no responses to her texting, i could tell that her texts occasionally were apparent responses to conversations that they had been having. He says that his lack of responses proves that he does not want her, however, there is never a statement from him to her to stop texting him. I consider there texting and calling as a sign that their relationship is not over and it is just too crowded for me.
Keep in mind that he & I had conversations about former b/g friends and I knew of her, but certainly had no idea about this. I said to him often that I hate a liar more than anything in the world. Plus, i also still have the hurt of him calling off the wedding--now he keeps texting me to speak to him - he says he has done nothing wrong--unbelievable to me that he thinks i am so stupid or does he really believe that he has done nothing--that is just too hard for me to swallow.
So, please tell me your thoughts--I am so turned off about what I read in those texts--I feel that I will never, ever be able to trust him again & the thought of going back to the place in my heart that I was before this, will be impossible for me. It was an innocence about our love that is sullied forever. But I do know that time heals all wounds--in this case I almost hope that it will wound this heel.
I do not want to discuss this with my family and friends because I am mortified to have to explain this--i am so hurt, angry and shocked that I do not know how to proceed. I am keeping up appearances, but my heart is so heavy that I just can hardly stand the injury to it.
I thank you for reading this--I will eagerly await your responses.
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