Community Chat

[sfnative]

Been around the block a time or two and feel really sorry that you were insulted by your SIL in a public gathering. That said, I'm of the school that believes that the originator of spew needs to know that it is not acceptable to do that. (I wonder if her mother ever disciplined her in that regard; e.g., be NICE to people, even if you don't know them.)

I would have simply said in a kind voice, "Why do you find it necessary to be so rude?"

[Thrive]

Thank you ladies! You were so very helpful!

[TaxyLady]

People come in all sizes and shapes. They also have different personalities. For the sake of the family, I would do my best to tolerate her remarks. Or, I would tell her how you feel about her remarks. This gives her a chance to apologize . Ignoring her and being cool toward her doesn't give her a chance to make things right.

I would also pray about it. I would ask the Lord what you should do and what He would do. Ask to have some wisdom on the matter. He will give you the answer.

[HiLo]

I think this is just her and that nothing you can do short of prayer will change anything.

I doubt if she will accept criticism in an adult way but you can always try.

[Rowan72]

I believe the truth sets us free, and since this is family who obviously knows Furry - they must already realize that the SIL's insensitive remarks are hurtful to her. It is not a sign of weakness to show the courage of honesty. Most people respect that - bullies aside, but we can't worry about how they think. Furry said she was hurt, so if she is comfortable admitting that, she should, IMO. And witnesses are good!

If she doesn't like the word "hurtful", she could use "disrespected" when confronting the SIL.

However she chooses to say it, the point is, she must convey that she feels offended and she will no longer tolerate deliberate disrespect from this person. It's true that we must teach some (socially-challenged) people how to treat us. Honest, direct and consistent is the surest way, with those rude types, in my experience.

Good luck, (((Furry)))!

[SelahG]

On 3/30/2014 TaxyLady said:

Or, I would tell her how you feel about her remarks. This gives her a chance to apologize . Ignoring her and being cool toward her doesn't give her a chance to make things right.

That was my thinking, too, since it's family. Give the SIL the chance to apologize, which may make it easier for Furry to forgive her--and be at peace. End the hurting.

But even if the SIL lacks the grace to apologize, I hope Furry can find it in herself to forgive the woman her shortcomings, for the sake of her own peace of mind. Forgiveness doesn't necessitate socializing with her further, if she continues to deliberately insult her.

[Another new name Sue]

Tread lightly here, Furry. Do not start a big "dust up" over this because it will put your husband and your marriage in a very difficult situation. But I'm glad you told him. I agree with some of the milder suggestions here. She probably says things like this to others as well, so don't feel too bad.

[emmysmom]

I experienced this in my former marriage. My husband never stood up for me. We spent every Sunday at the inlaws, (put downs,ignoring me etc) and I was miserable. I got some counseling from a doctor. He told me I was an adult and I could make my own decisions. The inlaws were toxic to me and to quit going to the family events. So, I did. Never looked back. It wasn't worth it! It wasn't just my sil, it was the entire family! They were all petty and two faced. I began to heal after avoiding the whole mess, lol.

[apple1964]

I have one just like her ... I would say.. If you have nothing better to do then be rude and ignorant I will walk away from you! I would not have anything to do with what I call ""toxic people"" life is too short to stress yourself out. Family or not she would not be the type of person I would buy presents for or do anything for. My brother is married to a horrible person who he loves very much. I had a fight with my sister-in-law months ago and I have nothing to do with her or my brother. And I feel much better not having to be uncomfortable in their home. My brother has turned to her family and has forgotten he has a mother. He can careless and that is just the way things are. I guess there is one in almost every family.

[Vamp]

On 3/28/2014 SelahG said:

Hi, Furry, I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I find some people have no empathy much at all. Cannot care, or relate to feelings outside of their own. With such people, I find the direct approach the best course--they will have forgotten (if they ever realized) that they've offended someone in the next moment. Since you likely don't want to make an ugly scene, if there's a next time with this SIL, I'd immediately look her in the eye and calmly say, "Wow, that's hurtful. Why would you such a thing to me?" Chances are few, if any, confront her behavior directly ... so it just continues.

Good advice.

Sorry for your situation, Furry. It can't be easy.